*     c^\ 

' 


OE  CALI2.,  LIBRABY...  LOS  ANGELES 


Homespun 
anfc 


3obn  H.  Collins 

Of  tbe  pueblo,  Colorado,  36ar 


THE  SMITH-BROOKS  PRINTING  COMPANY 

DENVER,  COLORADO 

1903 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1902,  by 

JOHN  A.  COLLINS. 
In  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


Dedication 

It  is  stereotyped  that  every  book  must  have 
a  dedicatory  page,  and  the  question  arises 
in  the  words  of  Juliet,  "Was  ever  book,  con- 
taining such  vile  matter,  so  fairly  bound?" 
I  refuse  to  answer  a  question  which  answer 
might  incriminate  me,  and,  therefore,  pro- 
ceed in  the  orthodox  form  to  say:  To  my 
dear  wife,  Clara  H.  Collins,  this  little  vol- 
ume is  dedicated. 

JOHN  A.  COLLINS. 


2128630 


preface 

Oyez!  Oyez!  Oyez!  every  tyro  tries  his 
hand  at  essay  writing.  To  prevent  being 
classified  as  an  "off-color,"  I  deliver  unto 
you  these  sketches,  several  of  which  have 
been  in  type  before. 

Conceding  the  pages  which  follow  cover 
soil  already  tilled,  by  gentlemen  of  scholas- 
tic attainments  and  recognized  literary  abil- 
ity, and  that  the  subscriber  can  not  point 
to  a  single  fresh  idea — hot  from  the  furnace 
fire  of  a  genius — yet,  I  respectfully  submit 
them,  trusting  you  may  find  a  link  here  and 
there  in  the  chain  binding  the  auld  lang 
syne  to  the  throbbing  realities  of  to-day, 
the  brighter  for  my  furbishing. 

Some  of  my  friends,  over-estimating  the 
quality  of  gray  matter  under  my  hat,  may 
look  forward  to  a  work  from  my  pen  similar 
to  "The  Origin  of  Species,"  "Fragments  of 
Science,"  "First  Principles,"  or,  "The  Riddle 


6  PREFACE. 

of  the  Universe."  I  don't;  I  did,  but  find 
publishers  slow  to  appreciate  MS.  along  such 
lines — from  my  stylus. 

If  you  can  "screw  your  courage  to  the 
sticking  place,"  read  this  book  to  the  finis ;  do 
so  in  a  Samaritan  frame  of  mind,  and  with 
eyes  closed  to  technical  criticism.  When  a 
lad,  with  only  a  few  summers  to  my  credit, 
I  was  taught  to  declaim  something  which 
contained  "view  me  not  with  a  critic's  eye, 
but  pass  my  imperfections  by,"  et  cetera, 
and  now,  at  the  age  of — O,  well,  old  enough 
to  be  serious  in  craving  that  the  author  be 
enveloped  once  again  in  the  same  mantle 
of  charity ;  bearing  in  mind  that  it  is  he  who 
is  footing  the  bills,  and,  also,  that  this  med- 
ley would  never  have  been  launched  save  at 
the  solicitation  of  the  only  one  willing  to 
stultify  herself  to  flatter  my  vanity  by  sug- 
gesting that  these  "Odds  and  Ends"  deserved 
better  treatment  than  lying  cooped  up  in 
pigeon-holes,  and,  too,  that  she  had  read 
worse  (I  can  not  conceive  when  or  where). 

Wherefore,  I  pray  you,  being  both  court 
and  jury,  that  whatever  entertainment  you 


PREFACE.  7 

find  or  kindly  opinion  you  form  by  reason  of 
any  image  presented  herein,  give  the  verdict, 
and  enter  up  judgment  in  favor  of  the  one 
above  referred  to — my  dear  wife — to  whom 
this  little  volume  is  dedicated. 

This  Queen  of  my  home  authorizes  me  to 
state  she  accepts  all  responsibility,  saving 
and  excepting  always  from  these  presents, 
the  financial  loss — which  she  feels,  by  intui- 
tion, to  be  inevitable.  Now,  isn't  that  petti- 
coats for  you? — cuts  across  the  circle,  while 
I  laboriously  navigate  half  the  circumference 
only  to  find  the  deficit  and  her  sweet  face 
there,  ready  to  greet  me  with,  "I  told  you 
so." 

J.  A.  C. 

Pueblo,  Colo.,  A.  D.  1902. 


Contents 

PAGE. 

Rural  vs.  City  Life 9 

A  Boy  and  His  Dog 25 

Chirps  Concerning  the  Cricket 30 

Value  of  Books  and  Reading 57 

A  Thanksgiving  Day  Reverie 79 

The  Farmer 89 

Christmas   105 

A  Philatelic  Item 121 

Old  Age— A  Tribute 135 

Sympathy   151 

The  Old  Fireplace 163 

Spare-ribs   175 

The  Passing  of  the  Old  Mill 199 

Wonderland  .  .211 


IRural  vs.  Cft^  %ffe 


God  made  the  country, 
And  man  made  the  town. 

— Cowper:    The  Task. 


IRural  vs.  City  life 

A  voicing  of  the  differences,  as  seen  by  the 
writer,  between  an  existence  in  a  city  and  liv- 
ing in  the  country.  Using  the  term  exist- 
ence, as  applicable  to  the  city,  because  I  be- 
lieve the  ideal  life  and  greatest  happiness  is 
found  ONLY  in  the  rural  district.  Here  are  a 
limited  few  of  the  contrasts. 

The  city  life,  with  its  close  air,  turmoil, 
strife,  struggle,  and  noise,  to  say  nothing  of 
its  smoke,  grime,  dingy  buildings,  want  and 
misery  on  every  side,  is  a  gloomy  picture 
when  contrasted  with  the  quiet,  peaceful 
life  of  the  average  countryman,  breathing 
pure  health-giving  atmosphere,  and  sur- 
rounded by  such  accessories  as  bleating 
sheep,  lowing  herds,  bawling  calves,  cackling 
hens,  squealing  pigs,  strutting  pea-fowls. 
Then  add  the  graceful  swallow,  flitting 
around  the  gables  of  an  old  barn,  the  re- 
turning martin  each  spring  to  his  haunts 
of  last  year;  the  saucy  and  pugilistic  blue 


12  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

bird,  ever  spoiling  for  a  fight ;  the  cock  robin 
and  fair  jenny  wren  hopping  about  the 
kitchen  door  picking  up  stray  crumbs;  the 
imitative  catbird  in  the  underbrush;  the 
meadow  lark  or  wee  "peter  soup"  on  the 
apex  of  an  old  tree,  piping  away  for  dear 
life;  the  brown  thrush  in  the  tanglewood 
merrily  uttering  his  ever-changing  song ;  the 
quail  whistling  in  the  orchard ;  the  petite  and 
frisky  squirrel  going  from  branch  to  branch 
with  the  ease  and  agility  of  a  sprite;  the 
startled  "cotton-tail"  scurrying  across  the 
stubble;  the  dainty  sunfish,  the  big  goggle- 
eye  and  wary  black  bass  sporting  in  limpid 
brooks;  the  springs  of  sparkling  "Adam's 
ale" — these,  and  more,  objects  of  pleasure  to 
every  healthy  mind,  are  eliminated  from  the 
city. 

Nature,  especially  in  her  virginity,  should 
appeal  to  and  cause  every  attribute  of  our 
being  to  pulsate  with  strong  determinations 
to  lead  and  live  holy  lives. 

Even  the  country  church  has  a  peculiarly 
softening  influence  when  its  vesper  bell 
chimes  the  close  of  day,  and  without  our  own 


RURAL  VS.   CITY   LIFE.  13 

volition,  o'er  us  steals  the  sanctity  of  the 
moment,  filling  the  soul  with  a  sweet  cadence 
unknown  in  town. 

Reader,  better  is  the  sight  of  the  old  coun- 
try road,  with  its  fringe  of  dog  fennel,  than 
the  electric  tramway,  with  its  polished  rails ; 
better  the  tingling  bell  on  sheep  and  cow, 
than  the  clanging  of  the  street  car  gong; 
better  the  gee-whoa-haw  of  the  plowboy  as 
he  follows  in  the  furrow,  than  the  sonorous 
voice  of  the  street  fakir  crying  his  wares; 
better  the  old  rail  fence,  with  the  chipmunks 
playing  in  its  corners,  than  the  stone  coping 
surmounted  with  iron  barbs ;  Ay !  better  too, 
the  tanned-faced,  bare-footed  school  boy, 
trudging  along  the  dusty  road,  than  the  edu- 
cated idiot,  standing  on  a  street  corner  suck- 
ing the  end  of  a  cane  and  lustfully  eyeing 
every  woman  who  passes;  better  the  rustic 
little  maid,  with  cheek  of  rosy  hue,  sur- 
rouded  with  the  frills  of  a  gingham  sun- 
bonnet,  than  the  pale,  sickly,  paint-bedaubed 
lass,  with  feathers  and  ribbons  piled  on  ad 
nauseam. 


14  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

The  "poor  devil"  doomed  to  live  in  a  me- 
tropolis hears  from  morning  until  night — 
then  repeat — nothing  but  quotations  on 
stocks  and  bonds,  rates  of  freight,  the  dis- 
gusting drivel  of  ward  politicians,  the  latest 
fashions,  vile  gossip  and  low  innuendoes  con- 
cerning our  neighbors,  while  last,  and  by  far 
the  most  important,  the  struggle  between 
capital  and  labor  trying  to  find  the  "happy 
medium." 

How  refreshing  it  would  be  for  us  all  to 
listen  to  a  knot  of  farmers  discussing  the 
prospects  of  a  change  in  the  weather,  the  con- 
dition of  this  field  of  oats  or  that  field  of 
corn,  the  prospects  of  an  early  or  late  har- 
vest, of  threshing  wheat,  mowing  hay,  cut- 
ting corn  or  gathering  apples. 

In  the  congested  centers  it  is  push,  pull, 
bustle,  strife  and  commotion  the  year  round. 
We  use  the  same  calendar,  yet  our  count  of 
time  is  by  months,  by  name.  No  seasons  of 
spring,  summer,  autumn  and  winter  seem  to 
belong  to  us.  The  city,  with  its  sky-scraping 
buildings,  cloud-reaching  smoke  stacks,  hard 
pavements,  care-worn  men,  women  and  chil- 


RURAL  VS.    CITY   LIFE.  15 

dren,  with  grinding,  exacting  business  obli- 
gations, has  no  time  to  recognize  the  four  di- 
visions made  by  the  relation  of  old  Sol  to 
earth.  Constantly  before  us  is  the  demon 
(not  God)  Mammon,  urging  on  the  grasping, 
grabbing,  cheating,  swindling  after  the  "al- 
mighty dollar." 

How  different  in  the  country!  The  sea- 
sons come  in  regular  order  and  take  on  their 
various  garbs  to  please  the  senses,  giving 
each  twelvemonth  a  four-act  drama  symbolic 
of  the  life  of  man,  most  carefully  portrayed 
and  more  easily  comprehended  than  has  yet 
left  the  brush  of  the  artist  or  pen  of  the 
poet. 

Spring  in  its  freshness,  clothed  in  velvety 
green,  indicates  youth.  Likewise  nature  in 
the  opening  bud,  enlarging  leaf,  rippling 
brook,  dainty  wild  flowers  magic-like  spring- 
ing into  life,  the  new  born  lamb,  the  tiny 
featherless  bird  peeping  from  its  nest,  the 
atmosphere  charged  with  perfumed,  invig- 
orating and  stimulating  properties,  the  April 
freshets  carrying  recuperating  tonic  for  veg- 
etation and  filling  the  mill  race,  wheels  begin 


16  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

to  revolve,  grist  to  grind,  while  the  water 
goes  giggling  joyously  on  to  the  next  mill 
site — all,  all  say  youth  is  with  us. 

Verily,  we  lose  these  things  in  our  munici- 
palities, but  with  such  environments  found 
in  the  rural  community  man  intuitively  feels 
that  this  is  demonstrative  of  youth,  and,  like 
the  horse  in  Job,  "he  paweth  in  the  valley 
and  rejoiceth  in  his  strength."  Anon  sum- 
mer comes  to  both  city  and  country.  To  the 
former,  however,  merely  by  name.  We  know 
the  months,  June,  July,  August,  better;  and 
with  them  the  same  old  grind,  only  worse  in 
its  weariness,  as  depicted  on  the  faces  of 
tired  humanity;  the  heat  intense  and  made 
more  oppressive  by  the  furnace-reflecting 
sidewalks  and  buildings,  while  misery  is  nur- 
tured by  the  foul  odor  in  the  wake  of  the 
sprinkling  cart  as  it  arises  charged  with 
germs  of  disease  and  death.  At  this  time 
how  we  pant  in  office,  store  and  shop  for  a 
surcease  of  drudgery ;  but  alas !  like  the  Wan- 
dering Jew,  we  are  urged  on  and  on,  no 
time  for  rest,  no  time  for  recreation. 


RURAL  VS.    CITY   LIFE.  17 

Turn  our  picture,  and  it  produces  the 
golden  harvest  to  gladden  the  eye,  droning 
beetle  and  buzzing  bee  to  quiet  the  nerves, 
the  old  oaken  bucket  to  quench  our  thirst; 
the  prospects  are  good,  the  heart  made  glad 
in  seeing  nature  steadily,  surely  filling  out 
the  ear,  ripening  the  fruit  and  bringing  all 
to  a  perfect  fruition.  Thus  the  true  man 
finds  in  summer  the  second  act  in  the  drama 
of  life,  his  maturing  manhood,  known  as  his 
prime,  and  longs  for  the  field  and  wood,  say- 
ing: 

"Give  me,  indulgent  gods;  with  mind  serene, 
And  guiltless  heart,  to  range  the  sylvan 

scene ; 

Xo  splendid  poverty,  no  smiling  care, 
No    well-bred    hate    or    servile    grandeur 

there." 

This  season  culminates  and  the  curtain 
goes  up  on  Act  3,  the  richest  period  ere  the 
turning  point  to  old  age  and  decrepitude.  So 
the  year  comes  apace,  and  do  we  find  relief  in 
the  autumn,  we  who  live  in  the  city?  Yes, 
some,  not  much  tho',  can  be  expressed  in  one 


18  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

sentence,  "glad  the  warm  weather  is  over;" 
that  is  all.  Again  we  are  aware  that  Sep- 
tember is  here,  to  be  followed  by  October 
and  November.  No  beauties  of  an  autumnal 
season  await  the  man  who  is  city  born,  bred 
and  whose  home  is  bounded  by  corporate  lim- 
its. With  him  it  is  the  same  old  office,  shop 
or  store,  the  same  old  buildings,  the  same  old 
smoke,  the  same  hubbub  and  clatter,  the 
same  general  appearances  and  line  of  busi- 
ness engagements. 

How  diverse  is  the  condition  in  the  coun- 
try— the  garnered  grain  standing  in  shock, 
sheaf  and  stack;  the  blueberry,  blackberry 
and  wild  grape  inviting  us  to  pick  them ;  the 
orchards  hanging  heavy  with  ripe,  luscious 
fruit;  the  bright,  crisp  mornings;  the  farm 
wagon  at  the  door  ready  to  take  us  to  the 
long  awaited  county  fair,  where  all  will  be 
dressed  in  gala  day  attire  and  we  behold  ap- 
ples, jams,  pumpkins,  COWTS,  sheep,  mules, 
horses,  colts,  whirligigs  galore,  and  find  all 
manner  of  home  products  presided  over  by 
matronly  dames  and  blushing  misses.  Fur- 
ther, in  lieu  of  a  scrawny  tree  here  and  there 


RURAL  VS.    CITY   LIFE.  19 

along  a  gutter,  as  in  town,  we  have  the  varie- 
gated foliage  of  the  forest  tinted  in  delicate 
hues  which  all  the  Kaphaels,  Tintorettos, 
Millets  and  DuMauriers  of  the  world  have 
been  unable  to  fasten  on  canvas;  here  is  the 
crimson  sumach,  the  dogwood  with  red  berry 
and  maroon  leaf,  the  maple  shedding  its 
broad  yellow  ornaments,  the  scarlet  covering 
of  the  gum  fluttering  to  the  ground,  while  the 
majestic  oak — king  of  the  wood — drops  one 
by  one  of  his  particolored  leaves  to  protect 
his  mother  from  the  cold  blasts  of  winter. 
True,  this  is  man's  third  great  moment — the 
results  of  his  efforts  materialized ;  and  as  the 
autumn  shows  the  garnered  grain  and  gath- 
ered fruit,  so  ought  man  at  this  season  have 
fought  the  fight,  kept  the  faith  and  con- 
tinue strong  until  his  winter  shall  dawn. 

Permit  me  to  reiterate,  the  city  affords 
nothing  comparable  to  the  country  in  the  fall 
of  the  year.  In  the  wood  we  again  see  our 
festive  little  companion  of  spring — the  squir- 
rel— jumping  and  skipping  here  and  there, 
gathering  his  stores  until  his  puny  jaws  look 
like  unto  bursting;  also,  our  friend  "Bob- 


20  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

White"  comes  along  strutting  at  the  head  of 
his  own  family,  accompanied  by  those  of  his 
sisters,  his  cousins  and  his  aunts,  amazing 
us  by  the  multitude  of  his  relatives.  At  this 
season  the  country  lad  and  lassie  start  down 
the  lane,  over  the  meadow,  across  the  field 
and  through  the  wood  to  "deestrict  skule;" 
a  glad  sight,  and  what  is  most  gratifying,  we 
know  they  will  have  a  training  which  will  be 
sound  and  solid,  for  from  the  precincts  of  the 
country  school  have  come  many  of  the  best, 
truest,  bravest  and  most  eminent  men  of 
this  republic.  We  are  confronted  with  the 
amusements  for  the  long  evenings  commenc- 
ing in  both  city  and  country,  and  in  these 
find  greater  and  more  disparaging  factors 
against  the  town. 

The  city  offers  the  saloon,  with  all  its 
damning  characteristics,  to  body  and  soul; 
the  gambling  hells,  with  their  inducement  to 
theft  and  other  crimes;  the  gaudy  theatre 
with  its  maudling  sentimentalities  and  sug- 
gestive licentiousness ;  the  society  ball  room, 
with  its  low-necked  gowns,  mazy  waltzes, 
its  fetid  atmosphere,  surcharged  with  suffo- 


RURAL  VS.    CITY   LIFE.  21 

eating  odors  of  vile  perfumes  and  its  seduc- 
tive tendency  to  immorality. 

The  country,  on  the  other  hand,  spreads 
before  us  the  quilting  and  spelling  bee;  the 
hill  and  dale,  over  which  tread  huntsmen, 
with  dog  and  gun  ever  on  the  alert  to  bag  a 
rabbit  or  decimate  the  wood-grouse  or  par- 
tridge ;  the  corn  shucking  and  barn  warming, 
to  wind  up  with  an  old-fashioned,  soul-stir- 
ring Virginia  reel,  while  the  fiddler,  perched 
on  a  barrel,  manger  or  hayrack,  sings  out: 
Salute  your  partner ;  balance  all ;  swing,  and 
so  on  until  the  figures  have  been  called.  Such 
are  innocent  and  harmless  pleasures,  leaving 
no  sting.  So  we  could  go  on  ad  infinitum, 
giving  the  various  distinctions  between  city 
and  hamlet,  but  in  the  cycles  of  time  such 
pleasures  must  end  and  we  are  forced  to  con- 
fess our  hair  grows  gray,  our  steps  falter  and 
the  elasticity  of  yore  is  gone.  Our  winter  is 
upon  us  as  surely  as  the  winter  season  fol- 
lows the  autumn. 

In  the  city  we  realize  December,  January 
and  February  have  arrived  according  to 
schedule.  What  changes  do  they  bring? 


22  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

Among  a  few,  we  see  the  beautiful  snow 
gently  fall,  soon  to  suffer  from  soot  and  dirt 
— it  is  uninviting — the  streets  from  inces- 
sant travel  slushy  and  disagreeable,  the  pave- 
ments glassy  with  ice,  dangerous  to  life  and 
limb,  the  eaves  of  our  houses  a  menace  with 
their  hanging  icicles,  our  coal  is  filthy  to 
handle,  it  ruins  our  rugs,  furniture  and  hang- 
ings, fills  our  rooms  with  sulphurous  smoke; 
our  steam  and  hot  air  apparatus  causes  head- 
ache and  lassitude.  Still,  being  harassed 
with  the  same  business  cares,  we  are  worn 
out  and  filled  with  pain. 

Here,  as  at  all  times,  the  country  can  give 
you  "cards  and  spades  and  win  the  game;" 
it  projects  on  the  vision  a  landscape  clothed 
in  a  mantle  of  purest  white,  covering  all  de- 
cay and  preparing  the  earth  for  a  renewal  of 
life — another  spring — indicative  of  the  new 
birth  of  the  immortal  soul — the  awakening 
in  newness  and  freshness  which  to  our 
finite  minds  is  incomprehensible. 

This  fourth  season  of  nature  and  last  pe- 
riod of  man  is  lovely  to  contemplate  in  the 
country,  with  the  outside  world  immaculate 


RURAL  VS.    CITY   LIFE.  23 

in  its  dress  and  quiet  in  its  movements. 
We  see  the  white-headed  rustic  sitting  by  his 
cheerful,  crackling  fire  of  oak,  hickory  or 
beech,  watching  the  dying  embers  as  in  medi- 
tation he  feels  he  too  must  pass  away  like  the 
fire  on  his  hearth,  yet,  with  no  tinge  of  regret 
for  lost  opportunities,  wasted  time  or  sinful 
pleasures,  having,  by  reason  of  his  close  and 
constant  contact  with  nature,  kept  his  heart 
pure  and  spotless.  He  gives  up  his  earthly 
home  for  a  celestial  mansion.  No  need  of 
this  man  asking  "O  death,  where  is  thy 
sting;  O  grave,  where  is  thy  victory?" 

In  the  opinion  of  the  writer  thousands  are 
making  the  mistake  of  their  lives  in  flocking 
to  the  city.  It  is  true  all  can  not  hold  the 
plow,  raise  cattle,  all  be  village  blacksmiths, 
cross-road  wheelwrights,  millers  and  farm 
hands,  but  I  maintain  there  are  thousands 
who  can  and  have  ruthlessly  thrown  away 
their  privilege  and  continue  to  trample 
under  foot  the  glories  of  God  as  manifested 
on  the  farm,  in  the  wood  and  rural  districts 
generally;  have  cast  to  the  winds  its  purity 
of  thought,  innocent  pleasures,  healthful  at- 


24  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND  ENDS. 

mosphere,  ever-changing  scenery,  and,  best 
of  all,  its  power  to  produce  strong  phy- 
siques, well-balanced  intellects  and  clear 
consciences. 

The  prodigals  are  many,  and  should  re- 
turn to  the  life  where  they  can  hear  the  old 
dinner  horn,  see  the  old  well  crane  swing  up 
and  down,  follow  the  meandering  of  the  old 
worm  fence,  attend  the  country  meeting 
house,  and,  like  we  read  in  the  story  book, 
"Live  happy  ever  afterward." 


H 


anb  ftUs 


Ah!  happy  years!  once  more  who  would 
not  be  a  boy  again? 

— Byron:  Ch.  Harold. 


H  Boi  anfc  Hte 


A  boy  and  his  dog  are  about  the  happiest 
pair  of  animals  extant,  and  the  free-masonry 
existing  between  them  belongs  to  a  higher 
degree  than  the  adult  is  permitted  to  take  in 
the  Order. 

I  dare  say,  if  the  truth  was  known,  the 
beautiful  story  of  Damon  and  Pythias  found 
its  origin  in  the  friendship  and  co-partner- 
ship of  the  urchin  and  his  canine. 

By  foreordination  a  boy  selects  this  four- 
footed  playfellow  as  his  right  bower  in  the 
game  of  childhood,  and,  with  apologies  to  the 
marriage  ceremony  injunction  of  "what 
therefore  God  hath  joined  together,  let  no 
man  put  asunder,"  you  would  be  safer  in 
tickling  the  flank  of  a  mule  than  in  disobey- 
ing said  command  by  trying  to  part  this 
twain.  Any  interference  or  threatening  at- 
titude toward  the  boy  will  be  resented  by  the 
dog  fastening  his  fangs  in  your  flesh,  or, 
should  you  insult  his  pup,  the  head  of  the 


28  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

firm  will  "jump  your  frame"  ere  you  can  say 
"Jack  Kobinson." 

The  most  prominent  characteristic  of  this 
alliance  is  that  the  more  measly  the  breed  of 
cur  the  closer  the  bond  of  fellowship  and 
communion. 

The  grief  and  desire  for  revenge  of  Sir 
Kenneth — the  Knight  of  the  Leopard — when 
he  found  his  alan  hound  Koswal  weltering 
in  his  own  blood,  shed  in  defense  of  King 
Richard's  English  standard,  you  commend. 
Then  do  not  ignore  or  condemn  the  street 
gamin  when  you  witness  his  little  soul  well 
up  and  exhibit  the  same  passions,  because 
some  burly  ruffian  has  kicked  his  little 
"pard"  into  the  gutter.  The  boy,  in  his  man- 
ifestation of  grief  and  anger,  is  teaching  the 
noble  lesson  we  should  all  learn,  to  wit,  to 
champion  the  cause  of  the  weak  and  unof- 
fending against  the  unbridled  brutality  of 
the  strong. 

Our  boy  knows  by  heart  all  the  stories 
about  lives  being  saved  in  the  dangerous  Al- 
pine passes  by  dogs  sent  from  the  mountain 
monasteries,  and  how  the  famous  St.  Ber- 


A   BOY   AND   HIS  DOG.  29 

nard  dog  Barry  had  forty  rescues  to  his 
credit  when  old  age  called  him  to  account, 
and  that  now  his  stuffed  skin  occupies  a 
place  of  honor  in  the  Berne  museum.  Yet  he 
believes  his  Carlo  would  have  accomplished 
the  same  things  if  the  opportunity  had  been 
his. 

You  relate  to  him  the  fate  of  Gelert,  Llew- 
ellyn's faithful  dog,  and  his  childish  imagi- 
nation conjures  up  his  Carlo  covered  with 
wounds  received  in  defending  the  babe,  but 
you  will  never  get  him  to  admit  that  he 
would  have  pierced  his  dog  through  and 
through  without  first  a  careful  examination, 
and  would  then  have  been  saved  the  remorse. 
Small  use  has  he  for  Llewellyn's  hasty  tem- 
per. 

Your  son  is  ready  at  any  time  to  prove  his 
dog  a  better  trick  dog  than  Merrylegs  of 
Sleary's  Circus,  mentioned  in  Mr.  Dickens' 
"Hard  Times;"  and  so  on  down  the  list. 

Tired  out  with  rollicking,  your  bairn 
crawls  up  on  your  knee,  with  frowzy  head 
and  warm,  moist  hands — smelling  of  dog — 
and  awaits  his  evening  story ;  gives  rapt  at- 


30  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

tention  to  the  wanderings  of  Ulysses — of 
how  he  outwitted  Circe,  outgeneraled  the  Cy- 
clop, passed  the  Sirens  safely,  and  all  his  ad- 
ventures on  his  homeward  journey — includ- 
ing the  narrative  of  how,  when  Ulysses  finally 
got  back,  neither  his  old  herdsman  Eumaens, 
his  son  Telemachus  or  his  good  wife  Penel- 
ope recognized  him,  but  his  old  dog  Argus, 
being  no  such  dullard,  knew  his  master  in- 
stantly, though  the  separation  had  been 
twenty  years.  Is  it  any  wonder  the  listening 
child  feels  that  his  side  partner — stretched 
out  before  the  fire — would  never  forget  him 
either,  though  centuries  intervened?  Is  it 
any  wonder,  I  ask,  to  have  him  slide  down 
from  your  lap  and  put  his  tiny  arms  around 
the  neck  of  his  mangy  cur,  and,  while  cluster- 
ing curls  and  dog  hair  intertwine,  hear  him 
talk  in  caressing  terms  to  his  pet?  It  is  true 
you  do  not  understand  the  occult  lingo,  but 
the  dog  does,  and  answers  with  a  telegraphic 
code  of  dots  and  dashes,  made  by  his  tail 
striking  the  floor. 

Should  you  have  a  desire  to  expostulate, 
or  endeavor  to  convince  him  that  his  dog  is 


A   BOY  AND   HIS  DOG.  31 

a  mongrel,  and  could  by  no  possibility  pos- 
sess the  intelligence  ascribed  to  the  thor- 
oughbred, pedigree  breed,  don't  do  it.  You 
may  find  it  act  not  unlike  a  boomerang,  and 
a  judicial  mind  would  indorse  "People  who 
live  in  glass  houses  should  never  throw 
stones." 

How  we  vaunt  our  American  type  among 
the  races  of  men.  Yet,  take  the  average 
American  (blue-blood  if  you  will),  trace  his 
family  tree  to  find  his  nationality,  and  I  am 
fearful,  when  you  jot  down  the  potpourri  of 
countries  and  breed  which  go  into  the  com- 
position of  your  blood  and  traits  of  charac- 
ter, the  scrub  dog  will  loin  out  on  points. 

We,  then,  must  give  over  our  position  as 
untenable,  that  the  Americans  of  this  cen- 
tury are  the  brainiest,  strongest  and  most 
progressive  race  on  earth,  by  virtue  of  an 
unmixed  stock,  or  give  the  mongrel  cur 
credit  for  not  being  the  worse  because  of  his 
combination  of  breeds. 

I  pause  at  this  point,  my  reader,  to  say 
the  foregoing  has  no  application  to  you. 
You  are  known  to  have  but  one  unalloyed 


32  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

blood  flowing  in  your  veins.  However,  take 
my  advice  and  let  the  statement  go  at  that. 
Do  not  meddle  with  who  your  forefathers 
were,  or  where  they  came  from.  Attempt 
not  to  trace  your  genealogy,  or  the  blue- 
blooded  Ego  may  lose  its  identity.  For 
should  you  have  a  notion  that  a  mongrel  race 
ought  to  be  wiped  off  the  map,  I  give  you 
fair  warning,  a  Damoclesian  sword  is  sus- 
pended above  your  head,  and  by  looking  up 
your  pedigree  there  is  serious  danger  of  the 
hair  parting.  A  word  to  the  wise  is  suffi- 
cient. Our  boy,  in  his  unclouded  vision,  has 
unbounded  confidence  in  the  intelligence, 
courage  and  faithfulness  of  his  dog,  and  sees 
no  reason  why  the  admixture  and  crosses 
should  lessen  his  worth. 

The  writer  has  all  confidence  in  the  Ameri- 
can stock,  and  neither  does  he  see  how  01* 
why  a  blush  could  be  dragged  forth,  owing 
to  the  combining  of  Irish  and  Scotch,  Ger- 
man and  French,  English  and  Dutch,  or 
any  other  combination  which  goes  to  produce 
the  new  race  of  Americans — a  race  with  a 
record  unsurpassed  in  the  annals  of  the 


A   BOY   AND   HIS  DOG.  33 

world  in  all  that  is  great,  and  hardly  equaled 
in  anything  by  which  mankind  is  elevated; 
a  race  commencing  an  independent  career 
less  than  four  generations  ago,  to-day  has 
recognition  as  a  world  power;  in  years  a 
babe;  in  all  that  calls  for  respect  in  mari- 
time, commercial,  intellectual  or  other  circle 
entering  into  the  economy  of  international 
affairs,  a  giant. 

The  individual  mongrel,  as  a  part  of  the 
whole  of  this  mixed  breed  American  nation, 
can  feel  proud  of  being  a  member  of  such 
a  commonwealth,  and  know  it  is  his  country, 
which  unfurled  and  upholds  the  Stars  and 
Stripes,  an  emblem  loved  at  home  and  known 
and  respected  by  every  civilized  community 
on  the  globe. 

We,  my  reader,  are  "IT,"  in  large  letters, 
and  when  the  eagle  sets  up  a  scream  and 
stretches  his  pinions  you  can  see  the  protege 
of  king,  queen,  czar,  emperor  and  other  po- 
tentate "take  to  the  woods." 

A  boy  who  doesn't  go  'round  whistling, 
with  both  hands  in  his  pockets,  utterly  tri- 
fling, leaving  confusion  in  his  train  of  balls, 


34  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

bats,  marbles,  kite  string,  tops  and  toys,  al- 
ways losing  his  knife  and  whining  for  an- 
other, will  never  live  long  enough  to  vote. 
The  good  little  boys  we  read  of  in  Sunday 
school  books  all  died  in  infancy;  at  least, 
the  author  never  saw  one  "alive  and  kick- 
ing." I  cite  you  Mark  Twain's  good  little 
boy's  exit  from  this  mundane  sphere  as  the 
last  of  his  race. 

Trot  out  the  boy  who  gets  into  mischief 
with  his  dog,  and  who  is  willing  to  tackle  an- 
other boy  a  la  Fitzsimmons  and  does  it  fairly 
— not  sneakingly — and  I  will  show  you  a 
"chip"  who  will  be  found  ready  to  meet  the 
exigencies  of  the  strenuous  life  advocated  by 
our  president. 

On  the  glorious  Fourth  the  dog,  after  the 
first  gun  has  been  fired,  goes  in  retreat.  The 
"phool"  boy  continues  loafing  around  where 
"bums"  are  firing  the  infernal  dynamite 
bombs,  supported  by  light  artillery  of  fire- 
crackers, cap  pistols,  torpedoes  and  sizzers, 
until  he,  too,  is  forced  in  retreat  for  repairs 
—to  his  body,  not  his  soul.  God  bless  his 
pure,  innocent  little  heart.  It  is  larger  and 


A   BOY   AND   HIS   DOG.  35 

contains  more  unadulterated  goodness  and 
love  to  the  square  inch  than  can  be  estimated 
by  those  who  are  older  and  filled  with  sin 
and  repentance.  While  the  odor  of  arnica, 
witch  hazel  and  castile  soap  permeates  the 
premises,  YOU  study  the  form  of  your  dar- 
ling as  he  lies  on  his  uneasy  pallet,  swathed 
in  bandages,  and  meditate  on  the  import  of 
Independence  Day,  and  what  a  travesty  this 
maiming  and  death-dealing  method  of  cele- 
brating the  anniversary  of  1776  is. 

What  has  become  of  the  time-honored 
reading  of  the  constitution,  singing  of  patri- 
otic songs,  basket  picnics,  spread-eagle  ora- 
tions from  clergy,  bench  and  bar? 

The  dog  will  mope  and  lament  the  absence 
of  his  "pard"  on  circus  day,  but  the  boy  can't 
help  it.  He  is  drawn  in  the  wake  of  the  ele- 
phant like  the  children  by  the  charm  of  the 
Pied  Piper  of  Hamelin.  By  instinct  he  can 
scent  a  circus  weeks  ahead,  and,  while  he 
does  not  intend  to  violate  the  partnership 
agreement,  yet  on  this  day  he  gives  poor 
Carlo  a  cold  shoulder.  Don't  you  remember 
when  you  were  in  knee  pants,  and  wore  cop- 


36  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND    ENDS. 

per-toed  boots  with  red  tops,  how  the  gilded 
cages  were  a  lodestone,  drawing  you  along 
as  steadily  as  the  spotted  and  dappled  horses 
drew  the  vans?  How  delicious  the  screechy 
notes  from  the  calliope  sounded  to  your  un- 
trained ear,  and  how  soft  and  luxurious  the 
seats  seemed  as  you  drank  in  the  perform- 
ance! You  certainly  remember  the  size  of 
the  spangles — larger  than  silver  dollars  then 
—and  how  the  cracked  voice  of  the  clown 
filled  the  tent  with  notes  sweeter  than 
Patti's,  and  how  his  idiotic  antics  caused 
you  to  howl  with  glee.  Then  the  actresses 
were  all  fairies,  the  acrobats  all  boneless, 
and  the  lion-tamer  a  sure-enough  Daniel  one 
minute  and  a  Samson  the  next.  Don't  you 
remember  how  you  forgot  heaven  and  earth 
in  the  glitter  of  gold  braid,  prancing  steeds, 
lively  music,  flying  rings,  Japanese  equilib- 
rists, performing  elephants,  trick  donkeys, 
high  diving,  pageant  of  nations,  chariot,  Ko- 
rnan  standing,  and  hurdle  races?  If  you  re- 
member these  things,  it  is  my  excuse  for  the 
boy  forgetting  for  one  day  his  dog. 


A   BOY   AND   HIS  DOG.  3? 

Sooner  or  later  our  boy  will  shed  briny 
tears  over  his  dead  dog,  and  heavy  will  be  his 
little  heart  to  think  of  no  more  romps  with 
his  woolly  friend,  no  more  hitching  him  up- 
to  go-carts,  no  more  chasing  sticks,  stones 
and  the  neighbors'  chickens,  no  more  com- 
radeship. Do  not  chide  him  for  giving  way 
to  grief ;  rather  put  your  loving  arms  around 
the  sorrowing  little  fellow,  fold  him  close  to 
your  bosom  and  soothe  the  wound  by  reciting 
how  you  passed  through  the  same  shadow  at 
his  age,  aye,  even  later  years  found  you  bend- 
ing over  your  best  coon  dog  or  fox  hound,  or 
it  may  have  been  your  cocker,  pointer,  Gor- 
don setter,  or,  was  it  just  a  friendly  old  dog 
that  had  welcomed  you  home  for  years?  At 
any  rate,  let  memory  call  up  the  time  when 
your  dog  lay  dead  at  your  feet  and  how  a 
huge  lump  stuck  in  your  throat,  because  the 
inanimate  pile  before  you  would  never  again 
respond  to  your  whistle  and  come  barking 
and  bounding  to  meet  you,  would  never 
again  wag  his  tail  in  joy  at  the  sound  of  your 
voice,  and  how  for  many  days  afterwards 
there  was  a  feeling  of  lonesomeness  akin  to 


38  HOMESPUN    ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

a  death  in  the  family  in  and  about  the  old 
homestead.  Of  course  you  will  hug  your  boy 
and  try  to  alleviate  this,  his  first  real  sorrow. 
Taking  everything  into  consideration,  let 
us  in  the  future  give  the  boy  honor  for 
holding  fast  to  his  opinions  concerning  his 
mongrel  and  give  the  dog  credit  for  not  being 
valueless  for  want  of  a  certified  pedigree. 
Eight  here,  off  goes  my  hat  to  the  boy  and  his 
dog. 


Chirps  Concerning  the 
Cricket 


'Mid  pleasures  and  palaces  though  ice  may 

roam, 
Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there's  no  place  Ukc 

home. 
r.  Howard  Payne:  Home,  Siceet  Home. 


Cbirps  Concerning  tbe  Cricket 

Home  is  now,  ever  has  been  and  always 
will  be  the  most  precious  and  most  vital 
study  in  which  mankind  can  indulge.  The 
intensity  of  its  significance  can  not  be  meas- 
ured by  any  standard  other  than  the  highest 
one  reached  by  home  itself;  that  standard, 
then,  furnishing  the  starting  point  for 
greater  development  and  grander  achieve- 
ments, as  a  more  exalted  plane,  is  ever  being 
sought.  Its  value  as  the  cradle  of  everything 
God-like  and  pure  grows  upon  civilized  man 
from  generation  to  generation;  solidity  of 
nations,  good  citizenship,  devout  lives  and 
his  Walhalla  itself,  find  here  their  birth, — 

"And  thus  I  say  there  is  heaven  here 

As  well  as  the  world  above, 
In  a  home  with  beings  that  we  hold  dear, 
A  home  that  is  blessed  by  love." 

I  am  heartily  in  sympathy  with  the  recrea- 
tion afforded  by  the  commingling  of  mem- 


42  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

bers  of  any  community.  It  is  right;  it  is 
necessary;  it  is  essential  to  bring  out  the 
best  in  man;  it  prevents  stagnation  and 
keeps  the  individual  from  becoming  narrow 
and  contracted.  I  do,  however,  deplore  the 
undue  proportion  of  life  allotted  to  clubs, 
pink  teas,  thimble,  high-five,  -progressive 
euchre  and  whist  parties,  which,  in  their  ex- 
cess, are  precluding  the  fireside  from  its  full 
quota  of  our  time.  The  preference  given  to 
these  things  calls  forth  my  protest — not  that 
I  love  society  less,  but  that  I  love  home 
more.  All  are  cognizant  that  club  and  so- 
ciety life  has  invaded,  disintegrated  and 
sapped  the  vitality  of  many  homes  by  taking 
away  its  mistress,  in  others  its  lord,  but, 
thank  God,  the  craze  has  about  reached  its 
zenith,  and  common  sense,  sitting  in  the  sad- 
dle, will  direct  future  movements  of  these 
fads  and  keep  them  in  legitimate  channels. 
Of  course,  some  poor,  deluded  members  will 
continue  to  circle  around  and  around,  like 
a  moth  around  a  candle,  sooner  or  later  to 
get  singed,  fall^nd  die.  With  impressions 
of  this  character  running  through  my  brain, 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING   THE  CRICKET.       43 

Chirps  Concerning  the  Cricket  leave  my  pen ; 
hoping  vistas  other  than  social  functions  and 
club  meets  may  find  a  responsive  chord. 

Intellect  is  ever  using  animate,  inanimate, 
material  and  immaterial  objects  and  figures 
of  speech  as  mediums  for  values  of  compari- 
son or  for  the  purpose  of  explaining  and 
illustrating  the  theme  under  consideration. 

Some  men — like  Mr.  Ruskin,  for  example 
—have  the  faculty  of  causing  stones  to  di- 
vulge hidden  truths,  different  forms  of  ar- 
chitecture to  reveal  history,  and  find  ser- 
mons and  lessons  in  almost  everything  with 
which  they  come  in  contact. 

In  fact,  all  men,  in  a  measure,  continu- 
ously utilize  metaphors  and  various  sorts  of 
subjects  as  prefigurations,  culling  therefrom 
ideas  and  conceptions  of  life,  to  the  end  that 
the  same  may  be  understood  in  a  larger  de- 
gree. Every  art  store  has  its  pictures,  me- 
dallions, statuettes  and  bronzes,  emblematic 
of  life,  and  the  different  types  used  are  le- 
gion. So,  in  a  symbolic  sense,  I  use  the 
cricket  as  a  factor  in  the  home. 


44  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

The  merry  note  of  a  cricket  on  the  warm 
hearth  as  productive  of  domestic  tranquil- 
lity, a  harbinger  of  happiness,  a  breeder  of 
contentment,  and  a  precursor  of  good  luck, 
also,  as  a  foe  to  evil  thought  and  discord,  has 
been  told  in  song  and  story  from  "time 
whereof  the  memory  of  man  runneth  not  to 
the  contrary." 

The  time  was  when  these  beautiful  attri- 
butes of  this  hearthstone  minstrel  were  im- 
plicitly believed  in  and  nurtured  by  many 
as  veritable  facts.  We,  however,  have  in  our 
day  and  generation  grown  so  wise  (in  our 
own  conceit)  that  we  scorn  and  scout  all 
such,  asserting,  in  our  superior  wisdom  ( ?), 
that  they  should  be  relegated  to  the  kinder- 
garten branch  of  society  as  fairy  tales,  to  be 
related  only  by  superstitious  old  women  to 
very  young  children,  not  being  of  sufficient 
moment  to  attract  the  attention  of  the  sages 
now  occupying  the  earth  and  the  fullness 
thereof. 

Yet,  strange  to  say,  with  all  our  skepti- 
cism, the  chirping  and  fiddling  of  these  fire- 
side penates  do  not  displease  us,  neither  do 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING  THE   CRICKET.       45 

they  jar  upon  our  nerves ;  rather  do  we  feel, 
when  distressed  and  weary,  a  soothing  solace 
and  sympathy  steal  over  us,  bringing  com- 
fort, while  memories  of  pleasant  by-gone 
days  arise,  phoenix-like,  demonstrating  that 
the  good  still  appeals  to  our  better  nature. 
The  inevitable  result  being  to  relieve  the 
weary  mind  and  sustain  the  sinking  heart 
from  the  cares  and  worries  of  the  hour. 
Wherefore,  I  opine  the  old  women  had  some 
truth  inculcated  in  their  version  concerning 
this  violinist. 

One  who  reads  "The  Cricket  on  the 
Hearth,"  by  Mr.  Dickens,  closes  the  book 
with  a  fellow  feeling  for  all  mankind,  tinc- 
tured with  admiration  and  respect  for  the 
tiny  coal-black  fiddler  who  could  use  his  mu- 
sical talent  to  such  excellent  purpose  in 
bringing  perfect  harmony,  saturated  with 
love,  into  the  lives  of  all  who  heard  and 
heeded  his  sonatas,  harmonics,  oratorios  and 
anthems. 

To-day,  in  the  homes  of  the  German  peas- 
ant and  English  farmer,  Mr.  Cricket  has  full 
sway,  and  is  a  privileged  individual,  with 


46  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

the  inherent  prerogative  to  manipulate  the 
home  according  to  his  own  views  on  the  sub- 
ject, and  his  success  in  that  line  has  yet 
to  be  questioned.  This  sketch  does  not  con- 
tend that  we  should  literally  follow  the  pre- 
cedent set  by  either  Germany  or  England; 
still,  in  a  figurative  light,  the  cricket  may 
be  made  "cock  of  the  walk"  to  our  advan- 
tage if  we  generously  apply  the  lesson  these 
countries  teach. 

By  taking  one  of  these  little  musicians  into 
our  lives  we  can  experience  all  and  more 
than  he  stands  for  in  the  legends  of  old,  and 
many  spectres  will — unlike  Banquo's  ghost 
— down  at  our  bidding.  The  assertion  is 
here  made,  if  we  desire  or  expect  to  amount 
to  a  "Billy-be-continental"  in  the  world,  we 
need  a  great,  fat,  jolly  cricket. 

The  lovely  characteristics  which  the 
cricket  typifies,  in  the  stories  told  us  in  our 
callow  days,  can  be  materialized  and  made 
manifest  if  we  will  it.  The  ingredients  are 
an  inheritance  from  the  Ruler  of  the  Uni- 
verse, and  every  household  has  in  its  power 
the  ability  to  compound  a  first-class  pedi- 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING   THE   CRICKET.       47 

greed  specimen  as  follows :  Take  of  each  one 
part,  to  wit :  love,  cheerful  disposition,  kind 
words,  pleasant  faces,  consideration  for  oth- 
ers; thoroughly  triturate,  dilute  with  pa- 
tience, wrap  in  a  cover  of  charity,  and  you 
have  a  cricket  which  is  the  open  sesame  to 
happiness ;  you  will  have  the  kernel,  the  old 
woman  who  told  the  legend,  the  shell;  you 
hold  the  substance,  she  the  shadow.  Thus 
can  the  myth  be  verified  and  the  cricket  made 
a  living  reality  and  home  be  found  more  de- 
sirable and  attractive  than  any  other  resort. 

Burns  wrote,  "Man  was  made  to  mourn," 
and  Job  said,  "Man  is  born  unto  trouble  as 
the  sparks  fly  upward."  Both  statements  are 
probably  correct.  For  every  ailment  there 
is,  however,  a  remedy.  We  have  evolved  out 
of  ourselves  a  panacea  in  the  manufacture 
of  our  thoroughbred  cricket,  and  so  long  as 
we  do  not  stint  or  starve  him,  he  will  be 
lively,  cheerful  and  helpful,  causing  the  rays 
of  God's  smile  to  be  with  us  just  exactly 
twenty-four  hours  each  day. 

The  cricket  has  always  been  installed  at 
the  fireside,  in  the  family,  and  thus  it  should 


48  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

be,  because,  as  before  stated,  from  the  home 
every  quality  of  worth  emanates;  from  that 
center  radiations  for  weal  are  sent  through- 
out the  universe. 

Reputation  is  what  people  say  concerning 
us;  character  is  what  we  really  are.  A 
cricket  snugly  ensconced  in  your  home  as- 
sists in  building  character,  and  one  of  the 
most  elevated  kind,  a  type  suggesting  the 
perfect  man,  and  will  cause  you  to  appreciate 
your  duty  to  God ;  duty  to  your  fellow-man ; 
duty  to  family  and  duty  to  self.  In  the  do- 
mestic circle  he  can  be,  and  is,  of  the  greatest 
service;  here  his  friendship  is  most  potent; 
therefore,  when  you  get  one  to  take  up  his 
habitation  with  you,  give  him  a  carte  blanche 
— let  him  have  the  premises  unhampered  by 
any  whims  you  may  have  of  how  things 
should  be  run. 

Having  done  so,  listen ;  you  can  hear  him 
merrily  singing  and  fiddling  to  cheer  you  up 
"when  down  in  the  mouth" — when  the  way 
seems  dark  and  all  things  gone  awry.  With 
his  fairy-like  ditties  he  calls  to  mind  brighter 
moments,  drives  away  gloomy  phantoms; 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING  THE  CRICKET.       49 

YOU  shake  off  your  forebodings  and  look  out 
into  the  limitless  future  with  strength  to  con- 
template the  morrow.  At  such  periods  this 
little  friend  and  gentleman,  with  his  siren 
notes,  comes  to  the  rescue  like  the  life  boat 
to  the  struggling  mariner,  wafting  us  to  a 
haven  of  rest,  safety  and  peace. 

When  you  go  home  fatigued,  sore  and  de- 
pressed, ere  you  pull  the  latch  string  hearken 
to  your  cricket,  follow  closely  his  teachings, 
and  with  his  advice  ringing  in  your  ears, 
open  the  door;  greet  your  wife  with  a  kind 
word,  a  pleasant  countenance ;  extend  to  her 
your  hand  as  you  did  when  you  plighted  your 
troth, — she  deserves  it  more  now  than  then. 
Your  life's  partner  can  get  tired,  broken 
down  and  nervous,  as  well  as  you.  Remem- 
ber, she  has  her  aggravations,  trials,  disap- 
pointments and  cares  as  well  a$  you.  And 
forget  not  that  she  is  confined  to  the  narrow 
limits  of  a  few  square  feet,  cut  off  by  her 
duties  from  the  great  throbbing  outside, 
while  you,  on  the  other  hand,  are  out  in  the 
busy  whirl  of  the  world,  brushing  against  all 
conditions  of  society,  with  a  thousand  and 


50  HOMESPUN    ODDS   AND    ENDS. 

one  incidents  to  break  the  monotony  and 
change  the  current  of  your  thought.  Be 
ready  to  discuss  her  petty  annoyances,  as 
though  you  had  an  interest  in  her  existence ; 
call  up,  if  you  wish,  the  hard  day  you  have 
passed,  but  say  something  to  let  her  know 
her  day's  anxieties  are  appreciated,  thereby 
knitting  a  bond  of  sympathy  between  you. 
Do  not  growl  about  every  trifle ;  treat  her  as 
you  did  when  she  was  your  sweetheart.  In- 
deed, she  has  a  right  to  such  treatment.  Say 
a  word  of  cheer  to  each  member  of  your  fam- 
ily; if  you  are  naturally  a  Mr.  Hyde  down 
town,  at  least  be  a  Dr.  Jekyll  at  home;  act 
toward  them  as  though  they  had  a  place  in 
your  affections,  and  if  you  are  not  repaid  ten- 
fold for  every  effort  to  be  pleasing,  agreeable 
and  considerate,  the  whole  plan  for  the  re- 
demption of  the  human  race  is  a  failure. 

Often  we  sing,  "Be  it  ever  so  humble,  there 
is  no  place  like  home."  True;  but  permit  me 
to  tell  you,  be  it  ever  so  magnificent,  without 
our  brand  of  cricket,  you  have  no  home.  The 
place  where  you  eat  and  sleep  and  to  which 
you  go  when  you  have  no  place  else  to  go, 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING   THE   CRICKET.        51 

has  no  more  resemblance  to  the  thought  con- 
veyed in  that  song  than  the  tepee  of  the  In- 
dian or  the  tents  of  the  wandering  tribes  of 
Israel. 

HOME,  in  its  larger  meaning,  is  made  so 
by  reciprocity  of  interest  in  each  other,  as 
prompted  by  your  cricket ;  it  is  not  one  affa- 
ble outburst,  one  strenuous  endeavor  to  be 
agreeable  now  and  then;  it  is  the  constant, 
accumulating  aggregate  of  amenities  which 
produce  the  ideal  home  and  leaves  the  im- 
print of  nobility. 

This  is  as  surely  true,  as  it  is,  that  tho 
drop  after  drop  of  water  will  eventually 
wear  away  a  block  of  adamant. 

Give  ear!  Our  cricket  is  performing  his 
share  of  the  work,  and  is  as  happy  as  a  clam 
on  the  beach.  Your  family  is  somewhat  sur- 
prised at  the  change  in  your  manner,  but 
brother,  notice  how  the  light  comes  to  your 
wife's  eye ;  how  her  face  brightens,  yea,  even 
the  wrinkles  relax  their  grip;  say!  you  are 
playing  a  winning  hand  and  nothing  on  earth 
can  prevent  your  dwelling  place  becoming  a 
home,  and  all  the  term  implies;  do  you  not 


52  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

see  the  lamp  emits  a  clearer  ray,  supper 
tastes  better,  the  air  seems  purer,  and,  to  cap 
it  all,  you  have  made  your  wife  happier  than 
she  has  been  since  the  day  you  led  her  to 
the  altar ;  indeed,  both  of  you  feel  very  near 
to  each  other ;  you  feel  blithe  and  young,  and 
behold  the  dawn  of  halcyon  days.  The  smile 
you  see  flitting  around  the  mouth  and  lips 
which  you  once  so  fervently  kissed  in  auld 
lang  syne,  now  tempt  you  to  revert  once  again 
to  that  delight.  Great  Scott!  your  cricket 
caught  you,  and  is  so  overjoyed  he  is  yelling 
his  roundelay  at  the  top  of  his  lungs,  and 
skipping  around  the  room  with  a  vigor  that 
would  shame  the  performances  of  an  East 
India  snake  dancer. 

During  his  hilarious  actions,  you  and 
3rours  have  entered  into  a  new  existence ;  the 
vexations  of  the  day  are  forgotten,  your  mind 
is  unclouded,  and  you  see  life  is  not  as  som- 
bre and  dreary  as  you  surmised.  Thanks  to 
your  cricket,  the  silver  lining  is  brilliant, 
and  the  bow  of  promise  sends  scintillating 
to-morrows  revealing  many  gems  in  store  for 
you  and  yours.  It  is  not  difficult  for  you  to 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING   THE   CRICKET.       53 

realize  that  you  have  found  the  elixir  of  life 
in  this  cricket  you  have  housed ;  undoubtedly 
he  is  a  wizard  and  has  finally  gotten  you  on 
the  main  line — a  smooth  track,  right  of  way, 
with  your  hand  on  the  throttle  and  a  full 
head  of  steam ;  now  pull  her  wide  open  and 
"bon  voyage  to  Arcadia." 

We  are,  taken  as  a  whole,  a  blessed  lot  in 
not  having  been  born  with  a  silver  spoon  in 
our  mouth,  by  reason  of  which  circumstance, 
in  the  language  of  the  street  gamin,  we  are 
forced  to  "get  a  hustle  on  ourselves"  to  make 
both  ends  meet.  In  this  exertion  we  are  dou- 
bly fortunate,  owing  to  the  fund  of  informa- 
tion we  gather,  the  broader  experiences  we 
have,  the  grander  conceptions  of  life,  and  the 
richer  view  we  secure  into  the  great  beyond 
by  virtue  of  this  contact  with  our  fellow-man 
in  his  struggles.  Our  lives  become  softened, 
and,  intuitively,  we  cling  closer  to  the  teach- 
ings of  the  Lowly  Nazarene,  who  is,  after  all 
is  said  and  done,  the  Author  of  our  cricket, 
which  is  the  blood  of  the  marriage  covenant 
on  door  post  and  lintel — the  angel  of  death 


54  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

to  domestic  bliss  will  as  surely  Pass-over,  as 
in  the  days  of  Moses  and  Pharaoh. 

The  pessimist  and  misanthrope  will  glibly 
inform  you  that  all  herein  printed  is  fol-de- 
rol,  a  jargon  of  words,  a  confused  and  per- 
verted notion,  emanating  from  a  diseased 
mind;  that  the  conditions  attempted  to  be 
portrayed  in  these  pages  never  did  and  never 
can  exist.  Reader,  such  a  home  can  and  will 
exist,  if  you  rear  its  superstructure  upon 
the  foundation  intimated  in  the  potentiality 
of  a  cricket ;  when  you  do  this,  its  apex  will 
be  above  the  clouds  of  business  worries, 
financial  losses  and  discontent;  you  will  no 
longer  be  like  a  ship  at  sea  without  a  rudder, 
cast  hither  and  thither  by  the  storms  of  ad- 
versity, but  will  have  a  port  in  which  to  sail 
your  barque  of  life,  a  refuge  sure  and  stead- 
fast— a  foretaste  of  paradise;  and,  further, 
all  mankind  with  whom  you  associate  and 
mingle  will  be  a  debtor  for  the  existence  of  a 
sprightly,  cheerful  cricket  on  your  hearth. 

What  a  glorious  legacy  for  posterity  if 
every  man  could  say,  without  a  blush,  I  have 


CHIRPS   CONCERNING   THE   CRICKET.       55 

a  cricket  so  big,  jolly,  fat,  sleek  and  lazy  he 
does  nothing  but  lounge  around  basking  in 
the  light  of  a  happy  home  and  fiddles  without 
cessation. 


IDalue  of  Boohs  ant>  IReabing 


"Books  should  to  one  of  these  four  ends  con- 

duce, 
For  wisdom,  piety,  delight,  or  use." 

— Denham:  Of  Prudence. 


IDalue  of  Books  anfc 


The  artist  Millet  painted  the  figure  of  a 
man  leaning  on  a  hoe  handle,  lower  jaw 
drooped,  retreating  forehead,  eyes  and  coun- 
tenance wanting  the  spark  of  intellectuality  ; 
the  whole  general  effect  of  the  painting  con- 
veying the  impression  of  a  human  being  but 
one  remove  from  the  brute  creation. 

Mr.  Markham,  upon  seeing  this  picture, 
wrote  his  poem,  "The  Man  With  the  Hoe," 
in  which  he  says,  among  other  things  : 

"Bowed  by  the  weight  of  centuries,  he  leans 
Upon  his  hoe  and  gazes  on  the  ground, 
The  emptiness  of  ages  in  his  face, 
And  on  his  back  the  burden  of  the  world." 

The  painting  is  supposed  to  represent  a 
type  of  French  peasants.  The  poem  is  in- 
tended to  portray  a  class  as  existing  in  all 
parts  of  the  world,  and  Mr.  Markham  goes 
on  to  ask  : 


60  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

"Who  made  him  dead  to  rapture  and  de- 
spair, 

A  thing  that  grieves  not,  and  that  never 
hopes, 

Stolid  and  stunned,  a  brother  to  the  ox?" 

holding  society  responsible  for  this  man's 
depravity. 

Forsooth,  the  painting  and  poem  may  be 
founded  on  fact,  but  neither  would  have  been 
born  had  the  units  of  mankind  taken  advan- 
tage of  the  product  of  Gutenberg's  invention 
— the  printing  press. 

Herr  Gutenberg  was  not  only  one  of  the 
benefactors  of  humanity,  but  stands  pre- 
eminently the  greatest  the  world  has  pro- 
duced since  Christ  ascended  Mount  Calvary. 
His  invention  made  it  possible  for  every  man 
who  reads  to  annihilate  distance,  regulate 
the  wheels  of  time  and  call  up  for  compan- 
ions those  in  whose  society  he  desires  to  be. 

He  who  reads  much,  enjoys  varied  and 
thrilling  experiences,  becomes  an  up-to-date 
globe  trotter,  flitting  o'er  land  and  sea,  wit- 
nessing remarkable  events ;  journeys  among 


VALUE  OF  BOOKS  AND  READING.     61 

heavenly  bodies  beholding  wondrous  things ; 
examines  the  craters  of  the  moon's  extinct 
volcanoes,  christens  her  mountains  and  takes 
their  altitude;  names  the  seas  on  Mars,  and 
is  now  interested  in  solving  the  query  of 
whether  or  not  Mars  is  trying  to  signal  our 
own  planet ;  passes  judgment  on  the  belts  of 
Jupiter,  counts  his  satellites  and  scrutinizes 
the  rings  of  Saturn,  takes  a  general  invoice 
of  the  planetary  system,  and,  after  listening 
to  the  music  of  the  spheres,  in  the  twinkle 
of  an  eye,  pulls  forth  a  work  on  geology  and 
mineralogy,  goes  delving  deep  in  mother 
earth,  separates  the  different  strata,  fur- 
nishes evidence  as  to  the  age  of  each  forma- 
tion, classifies  the  fossils  and  flora  of  the 
antediluvian  world,  and  ante-dates  the  dawn 
of  the  human  race.  Verily,  all  things  minis- 
ter to  him ;  he  is  equipped  with  an  abundant 
store  of  knowledge  and  secures  a  marvelous 
insight  into  things  terrestrial  and  things  ce- 
lestial. No  Ultima  Thule  enters  into  his  cal- 
culations, and  wisdom  ought  to  follow  in  its 
wake.  If  it  does  not,  it  is  no  fault  of  Guten- 
berg's legacy.  The  printing  press  is  turn- 


62  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

ing  out  works  of  history,  biography,  science, 
fiction  and  poetry  at  prices  within  the  reach 
of  everyone,  and  places  at  their  disposal  the 
best  literature  of  all  ages.  Too,  hardly  a 
village  can  be  found  wherein  does  not  exist 
either  a  free  or  circulating  library,  leaving 
no  excuse  for  anybody  to  remain  in  igno- 
rance and  darkness. 

It  is  a  privilege,  yea,  more,  it  is  the  duty 
of  everyone  to  read  and  post  himself  or  her- 
self on  past  and  current  happenings,  and 
absorb  information  from  those  who  have  de- 
voted the  energies  of  their  lives  preparing  a 
ripe  harvest,  that  we  might  reap. 

The  Achilles  heel  of  the  masses  is  a  non- 
desire  to  read. 

Literature,  in  its  largest  sense,  is  as  broad 
as  human  thought  is  diversified,  and  as  deep 
as  the  ingenuity  of  the  immortal  mind  in  its 
ramifications  in  search  of  truth. 

The  field  is  too  extensive  to  more  than  scan 
a  fractional  part,  albeit  that  fraction  will 
open  great  mines  of  wealth. 

It  has  been  said,  "Beware  of  the  man  of 
one  book,"  upon  the  theory  that  he  has  thor- 


VALUE  OF  BOOKS  AND  READING.     63 

oughly  mastered  his  subject,  and  will  be  too 
much  for  you  in  argument.  I  also  say,  "Be- 
ware of  the  man  of  one  book,"  but  upon  the 
basis  that  he  will  bore  you  to  death ;  he  will 
have  but  one  hobby,  and  will  be  found  a 
general  nuisance  to  have  around.  I  respect- 
fully suggest  that  your  reading  be  cosmo- 
politan ;  browse  over  all  territories  and  cull 
from  all  sources;  even  though  you  may  not 
be  an  authority  on  any  specific  subject,  yet, 
you  will  be  in  possession  of  a  vast  fund  of 
facts  and  interesting  incidents.  "Be  all 
things  to  all  men,"  and  you  will  get  more 
from  your  investigation  than  the  bookworm 
who  bores  into  but  one  tome,  never  knowing 
the  color  or  taste  of  other  paper. 

The  best  and  most  satisfactory  plan  is  to 
own  your  own  books ;  secure  one  at  a  time  if 
you  can  do  no  more,  then  add  to  your  collec- 
tion as  you  can  afford  it,  and  soon  you  will 
find  a  respectable  sized  library  at  your  serv- 
ice. Being  your  own,  every  volume  will  be 
a  friend  and  comrade,  by  virtue  of  personal 
ownership,  of  greater  value  and  always  at 
hand  for  immediate  consultation.  Thus  you 


64  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

acquire  for  your  edification  and  entertain- 
ment some  of  the  brightest  intellects  of  all 
periods,  ready  to  hold  converse  with  you 
in  the  quiet  of  your  home,  upon  any  theme 
then  uppermost  in  your  mind. 

The  man  who  possesses  books  and  takes 
an  interest  in  them,  need  never  have  the 
"dumps;"  never  be  under  the  baleful  influ- 
ence of  ennui  and  never  be  without  pleasant 
associates. 

He  can  survey  every  phase  of  society,  talk 
with  men  from  all  walks  in  life,  have  pass  in 
review  all  people,  countries  and  phenomena. 
He  can  travel  over  the  eastern  hemisphere 
with  Herodotus  centuries  before  the  Chris- 
tian era,  read  a  queer  detailed  statement  con- 
cerning a  race  of  pigmies  in  Africa,  after- 
wards consult  Mr.  Stanley  and  find  that  he 
too  saw  the  descendants  of  this  same  race  of 
lilliputians;  can  go  on  through  the  "dark 
continent"  with  him  in  search  of  that  noble 
missionary,  Dr.  Livingstone ;  beat  the  brush 
for  wild  game,  take  note  of  the  various  bar- 
barous tribes,  and,  getting  acquainted  with 
the  deserts,  lakes,  rivers  and  dense  forests, 


VALUE  OF   BOOKS  AND   READING.  65 

can  decide  to  stalk  deer,  encounter  lions  and 
tigers,  dig  pits  and  adjust  deadfalls  for  the 
elephant,  hippopotamus  and  rhinoceros  with 
Mungo  Park  or  Paul  du  Chaillu,  can  eat  and 
sleep  with  Kaffir,  Hottentot  and  Zulu;  with 
no  hiatus  in  action,  he  may  jump  from  the 
tropical  sun  and  burning  sands  of  the  Sa- 
hara to  the  icebergs  of  the  polar  seas  and  be 
with  Sir  John  Franklin,  Kane,  Peary  and 
Nansen,  be  entranced  with  the  magnificence 
of  the  northern  lights,  go  rattling  over  the 
snow  and  ice  behind  a  team  of  Esquimaux 
dogs,  catch  seals,  kill  walruses,  spear  fish, 
harpoon  whales,  freeze  blubber,  and,  as  a  side 
issue,  tackle  a  polar  bear.  Like  Peter  Schle- 
mihl  or  Frankenstein's  monster,  be  found 
anywhere,  everywhere.  He  can  return  from 
battling  with  hunger,  cold  and  hardships  of 
the  frigid  zone  to  pick  up  an  account  of  how 
Napoleon  flashed  across  the  political  firma- 
ment of  Europe,  see  him  overthrow  and  re- 
instate rulers,  topple  thrones,  make  and  un- 
make kingdoms  and  principalities,  hear  him 
give  commands  at  Marengo,  Austerlitz,  Ar- 
cola  and  Lodi,  join  in  his  retreat  from 


66  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Russia,  stand  on  an  eminence  overlook- 
ing Waterloo,  and  see  go  down  under  the 
terrible  war  god,  Mars,  one  of  the  most 
illustrious  generals  ever  projected  on  the 
historical  canvas  of  the  world;  follow 
him  to  St.  Helena,  and,  while  the  Cor- 
sican  sits  in  dejection  on  the  solitary  rock, 
hear  Lord  Byron  tuning  his  harp  to 

"  'Tis  done — but  yesterday  a  king ! 

And  arm'd  with  kings  to  strive — 
And  now  thou  art  a  nameless  thing, 

So  abject — yet  alive! 
Is  this  the  man  of  thousand  thrones? 
Who  strew'd  our  earth  with  hostile  bones? 

And  can  he  thus  survive? 

********* 

.The  desolater  desolate,  the  victor  over- 
thrown ; 

The  arbiter  of  others'  fate  a  suppliant  for 
his  own" — 

and  ere  the  sound  dies  away  find  Byron  him- 
self, forsaken  by  wife  and  child,  pleading  in 
anguish  his  personal  affliction  in  plaintive 
notes  of 


VALUE   OF   BOOKS   AND   READING.  67 

"Though  my  many  faults  defaced  me, 

Could  no  other  arm  be  found 
Than  the  one  which  once  embraced  me, 

To  inflict  a  cureless  wound? 
********* 

And  when  thou  wouldst  solace  gather, 
When  our  child's  first  accents  flow, 

Wilt  thou  teach  her  to  say  'Father!' 
Though  his  care  she  must  forego? 

********* 

Fare  thee  well ! — thus  disunited, 

Torn  from  every  nearer  tie, 
Sear'd  in  heart,  and  lone,  and  blighted— 

More  than  this,  I  scarce  can  die." 

He  who  reads  can  take  the  hand  of  Mr. 
Bancroft,  follow  the  development  of  our  own 
United  States  of  America,  listen  to  Mr.  Irv- 
ing relate  the  life  story  of  Columbus  and 
Washington  and  the  part  they  played  in 
American  history ;  junket  with  the  same  au- 
thor through  the  West  and  Northwest  while 
the  Indian,  buffalo  and  trapper  were  still  in 
their  heyday,  which  is  told  in  his  inimitable 
style;  call  to  his  aid  Mr.  Cooper,  with  his 


68  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

"Leather  Stocking  Tales,"  and  compare  the 
early  life  of  the  East  with  that  of  the  West ; 
go  down  to  Mexico  with  Prescott  and  follow 
him  on  to  Peru,  note  the  Spaniards'  perfidy 
with  Montezuma  under  Cortez  and  villainy 
with  the  Incas  under  Pizarro,  they  being  the 
advance  guard  of  the  set  of  cut-throats  and 
scoundrels  we  so  recently  drove  out  of  Cuba 
and  Porto  Rico;  can  swim  the  Hellespont 
with  Leander,  pontoon  it  with  Xerxes,  and 
swim  it  again  with  Byron. 

"This  books  can  do;  nor  this  alone;  they 

give 

New  views  to  life,  and  teach  us  how  to  live ; 
They  soothe  the  grieved,  the  stubborn  they 

chastise, 
Fools    they    admonish,    and    confirm    the 

wise." 

Books  furnish  the  medium  for  self  cul- 
ture. You  rest  while  these  Volapuk  tongues 
pour  into  your  ears  the  history  of  the  rise 
and  fall  of  governments  and  empires;  man- 
ners and  customs  of  all  races;  nature  and 
habits  of  the  animal  kingdom;  the  dreams, 


VALUE  OF  BOOKS  AND  READING.     69 

ambitions  and  accomplishments  of  man.  The 
earth  and  sea  give  up  their  treasures,  and 
you  do  not  even  have  to  rub  a  lamp  calling 
up  a  genii,  but  are  transferred  by  a  simple 
wish  to  the  fort  at  Taku,  to  observe  that  het- 
erogeneous army  marching  on  to  Pekin  and 
have  your  eyes  gladdened  by  the  sight  of 
the  Stars  and  Stripes  being  the  first  flag 
unfurled  above  the  "Forbidden  City,"  fur- 
nishing its  protection  to  the  besieged.  Pres- 
to !  the  next  instant  you  are  in  South  Af- 
rica, traversing  the  veldts,  with  an  eye  on 
the  struggle  for  supremacy  between  Eng- 
lish and  Boer;  the  towns,  kopjes,  karroos, 
bull  teams  and  people  are  familiar  to  you, 
owing  to  a  visit  you  made  to  "An  African 
Farm"  with  Olive  Schreiner  in  the  Trans- 
vaal some  years  ago;  hence  you  appreciate 
the  situation  more  than  if  you  had  been  a 
total  stranger  to  the  Dutch  and  their  en- 
vironments. 

Never  weary  in  well  doing ;  that  is  to  say, 
in  broadening  your  area  of  observation,  en- 
larging your  mental  calibre  and  storing 
your  mind  with  food  upon  which  to  feed 


70  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

when  you  fall  in  the  "sear  and  yellow  leaf." 
If  you  provide  now,  for  that  day,  as  you 
should,  there  will  be  found  no  vacuity  in 
your  countenance  and  no  sparkle  be  want- 
ing in  your  eye;  neither  will  drivel  issue 
from  your  mouth.  Instead,  you  will  have 
sifted  the  chaff  and  have  its  result  in  knowl- 
edge— if  not  in  wisdom — upon  which  to  sus- 
tain yourself  and  help  those  who  are  in  need 
of  assistance  along  the  rugged  road  of  life. 
As  before  stated,  never  weary  in  well  doing, 
to  wit :  acquiring  knowledge.  You  leave  the 
vicissitudes  of  war  in  South  Africa  to  step 
in  the  jungles  of  India  with  Mr.  Kipling 
and  make  the  acquaintance  of  Mowgli's 
brothers ;  leave  to  arrive  in  Old  London  and 
examine  into  her  almshouses,  reformatories, 
debtors'  prisons,  home  life  of  her  citizens, 
with  Mr.  Dickens.  Again  having  taken 
flight,  you  rest  on  the  shores  of  New  Eng- 
land and  study  the  characteristics  of  people 
who  will  brand  a  poor,  defenseless  and  mis- 
guided woman  with  a  letter  of  scarlet  hue 
so  bright  that  all  who  run  may  read  her 
shame;  then  step  down  to  the  Alamo,  to  be 


VALUE   OF   BOOKS  AND   READING.  71 

horrified  with  the  death  struggle  of  that 
brave  little  band  of  Texans  against  the  Mex- 
ican hordes  led  by  Santa  Anna,  finding  when 
the  smoke  clears  away  the  bodies  of  such 
gallant  men  as  Crockett  and  Bowie  lying 
pierced  through  and  through. 

To  get  away  from  this  scene  of  carnage 
and  awful  realities,  you  have  "pressed  the 
button,"  and  Spencer,  Huxley,  Darwin, 
Kant  and  Haeckel  stand  before  you  and 
glibly  proceed  to  tell  what  they  DON'T 
know  about  soul,  life,  immortality  and  God  •, 
of  where  you  sprung  from  and  where  you 
are  bound  for.  These  "ducks"  are  a  tire- 
some lot  to  tolerate,  not  only  on  account 
of  the  words  they  coin  as  they  proceed,  but 
because,  just  as  they  are  about  to  shout 
"Eureka,"  you  hear  it  is  "unknowable," 
"unthinkable,"  "psychic  substance"  or  some 
other  gibberish  which  knocks  into  a  "cocked 
hat"  all  your  respect  for  the  whole  "kit." 
Compensation  can  be  found,  however,  in 
the  "Ploughman  Poet,"  Burns,  with  his 
"Tarn  O'Shanter,"  "Cotter's  Saturday 
Night,"  "Highland  Mary,"  and  songs  of 


<2  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

human  conception,  human  desires  and  hu- 
man needs.  Edgar  Allan  Poe  will  tell  you 
how  that  infernal  Raven  annoyed  him  tap- 
ping at  his  chamber  door,  croaking  "Never — 
nevermore,"  until  you  turn  to  Goldsmith's 
"Vicar  of  Wakefleld"  to  steady  your  nerves. 
You  can,  with  the  same  ease,  have  Holmes, 
Longfellow,  Bryant,  Tennyson,  Pope  and 
Moore  furnish  you  with  lyrics  of  love,  hero- 
ism and  ethereal  fantasies  on  their  way  up 
Parnassus.  Emerson,  Ruskin,  Macaulay  and 
DeQuincey  will  satiate  you  with  polished  es- 
says. For  biography,  ask  Plutarch  to  open 
his  storehouse,  and  you  will  be  regaled.  Do 
you  want  ghost,  fairy  and  goblin  tales?  Sit 
down  with  St.  Clair,  Grimm  Brothers,  Hans 
Andersen,  Herder,  Hauff,  Andrew  Lang  and 
the  Arabian  Nights,  never  overlooking  Fou- 
que's  lovely  Undine.  Do  you  crave  to  hear 
of  the  days  of  chivalry?  Pull  Scott's  "Ivan- 
hoe,"  "Kenilworth"  and  "Talisman"  from 
the  shelf.  For  a  satire,  have  Cervantes  bring 
in  Don  Quixote  and  his  Squire  Sancho 
Panza.  Should  your  appetite  call  for  psy- 
chology in  the  concrete,  use  the  minds  of 


VALUE   OF   BOOKS   AND   READING.  73 

"Jean  Valjean"  and  "Hamlet."  A  wish  to 
know  how  detectives  run  criminals  to  earth 
will  be  answered  by  A.  Conan  Doyle,  Emile 
Gaboriau  and  Vidocq. 

I  have  barely  pricked  the  surface  here 
and  there,  and,  should  I  pursue  it  for  hours, 
the  ground  would  hardly  be  roughened,  as 
there  is  absolutely  no  limit  to  the  possibili- 
ties of  where  you  can  go,  what  you  can  see, 
hear  and  accomplish,  if  you  will  read.  Suf- 
fice it  to  say,  to  meet  the  demands  made 
upon  you,  you  must  read  early,  much  and 
often.  The  man  who  reads  can  bathe  in 
the  caliph's  bath  of  Bagdad  or  paddle  in 
the  wadies  of  India;  stand  with  one  foot 
north  and  one  south  of  the  equator  and,  like 
the  Count  of  Monte  Cristo,  proclaim  "the 
world  is  mine;"  can  learn  to  "yank"  light- 
ning from  the  skies,  and  precious  metals 
and  gems  from  the  earth;  can  circle  the 
globe,  peep  into  the  manners,  customs,  leg- 
ends and  truths  of  every  nation  and  people ; 
can  mould  magic  bullets  in  the  Black  For- 
est of  Germany  and  see  the  Spectre  of  the 
Brocken  in  the  Hartz  mountains;  roll  ten- 


74  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

pins  in  the  Kaatskills  with  Eip  Van  Win- 
kle; bivouac  with  Grant,  Sherman,  Jackson 
and  Lee,  and  be  present  when  the  South 
surrendered  at  Appomattox;  can  rummage 
among  the  ruins  of  Pompeii  and  Hercula- 
neum — doubly  interesting  since  Mont  Pelee 
duplicated  Vesuvius;  hear  the  Roman  Cic- 
ero and  Athenian  Demosthenes  in  flights  of 
oratory,  the  harangue  of  Brutus  over  the 
slain  Caesar,  the  political  speeches  of  Clay, 
Webster,  Hayne  and  Patrick  Henry  of  this 
republic  and  Mr.  Pitt  in  the  English 
House  of  Commons  on  behalf  of  America; 
witness  the  gladiatorial  contests  in  the 
arena  of  the  Roman  amphitheatre;  experi- 
ence the  horror  of  Custer  and  his  men  when 
surrounded  by  the  "redskins;'-  investigate 
the  Egyptian,  Roman  and  Parisian  cata- 
combs, and  enjoy  the  solitude  of  the  Kan- 
sas farmer;  laugh  with  Mr.  Dunne's  Doo- 
ley  and  Hennessy,  Mark  Twain  and  Josh 
Billings;  watch  the  Patagonians  throw  the 
bolo  with  unerring  precision ;  travel  the  old 
Santa  Fe  trail  with  Inman,  and  Oregon  trail 
with  Parkman;  build  blockhouses  and  fight 


VALUE  OF  BOOKS  AND  READING.     75 

Indians  with  Boone  and  Kenton;  behold 
the  guillotine  in  active  operation  while 
Madame  Defarge  "knits  up  her  thoughts;" 
see  Charlotte  Corday  enter  the  apartments 
of  Marat  and  stab  the  fiend  while  in  his 
bath ;  have  your  blood  run  cold  at  the  Bar- 
tholomew massacre;  go  lumbering  along  on 
the  backs  of  camels  with  dervishes  and 
sheiks;  buffet  with  Vanderdecken  on  his 
phantom  ship,  glide  20,000  leagues  under 
the  sea  with  Verne  or  enter  the  submarine 
boat  with  Holland;  climb  the  Matterhorn 
with  Whymper  or  draw  lessons  from  the 
Slades  of  the  tavern  called  the  Sickle  and 
Sheaf;  girdle  the  earth  with  Kichardson  or 
blaze  your  way  through  the  primeval  for- 
est with  the  pioneers ;  study  natural  history 
with  Buffon,  Wood  and  Buel,  astronomy 
with  Herschel  and  Lockyer;  witness  the 
trials,  sufferings  and  torture  of  the  martyrs 
with  Fox;  hold  intellectual  banquets  with 
Virgil,  Aristotle,  Homer,  Plato  and  Socra- 
tes; penetrate  the  mystery  of  the  man  in 
the  iron  mask  with  Dumas,  or  wander 
around  the  streets,  boulevards,  alleys  and 


76  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

by-ways  of  Paris  with  Hugo;  live  on  the 
island  Juan  Fernandez  four  years  with  Sel- 
kirk, afterwards  known  to  the  world  as 
Robinson  Crusoe;  ride  on  white  elephants 
in  Siam;  watch  the  bushrnen  of  Australia 
speed  the  boomerang,  bringing  down  a  kan- 
garoo nine  times  out  of  ten ;  hear  Dick  Tur- 
pin  and  Claude  Duval  cry  "stand  and  de- 
liver," on  the  king's  highway,  and  see  the 
race  made  by  "Bonnie  Black  Bess"  to  enable 
her  owner  to  prove  an  alibi ;  enter  Sherwood 
Forest  with  Robin  Hood  and  his  merry  men 
and  be  a  witness  to  the  compact  between 
Richard  Coeur  De  Leon  and  brave  Robin; 
join  with  the  pirates  of  Treasure  Island, 
singing 

"Fifteen  men  on  the  dead  man's  chest — 
Yo-ho-ho,  and  a  bottle  of  rum !" 

then  look  back  to  Marathon  to  find  the  vic- 
tory won  by  Miltiades  turning  the  tide  in 
favor  of  civilization,  saving  unto  us  the  in- 
tellectual treasures  of  Athens,  which  made 
possible  a  Shakespeare. 


VALUE  OF   BOOKS  AND   BEADING.  77 

"O  books,  ye  monuments  of  mind,  con- 
crete wisdom  of  the  wisest;  sweet  solaces 
of  daily  life;  proofs  and  results  of  immor- 
tality; trees  yielding  all  fruit,  whose  leaves 
are  for  the  healing  of  the  nations;  groves 
of  knowledge,  where  all  may  eat,  nor  fear 
a  flaming  sword;  gentle  comrades,  kind  ad- 
visers; friends,  comforts,  treasures,  helps; 
governments,  diversities  of  tongues,  who  can 
weigh  your  worth !" 

No  wonder  the  Psalmist  asked  Jehovah, 
"What  is  man  that  Thou  are  mindful  of 
him,  or  the  son  of  man  that  Thou  visitest 
him?"  He  knew  nothing  about  what  books 
could  do ;  nothing  about  the  printing  press. 
But  God  did — knew  they  were  coming,  and 
in  due  time  raised  up  Herr  Gutenberg,  giv- 
ing man  the  opportunity  to  realize  that  no 
bounds  held  him  this  side  the  grave,  nay,  not 
even  death,  if  he  will  read  the  Book  of  books, 
the  BIBLE ;  keep  it  ever  near  him  for  coun- 
sel, and  follow  well  its  teachings.  Then  the 
grim  reaper  can  no  more  hold  you  in  thral- 
dom than  I  can  create  the  vital  spark  of 
life. 


78  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Referring  to  the  opening  statement  con- 
cerning the  painting  and  poem,  I  desire  to 
close  with  the  remark  that  the  idea  of  a 
man  who  utilizes  his  spare  moments  read- 
ing ever  being  such  a  one  as  depicted  on 
the  canvas  and  presented  in  the  poem  enti- 
tled "The  Man  with  the  Hoe"  is  impossible. 


H  ^Thanksgiving 
IReverie 


'How  dear  to  this  heart  are  the  scenes  of  my 

childhood, 
When  fond  recollection  presents  them  to 

view." 
— Woodvwrth :  The  Old  Oaken  Bucket. 


B  Gbanfcsgivfng  Da^  IReverie 


Sitting  in  my  library,  after  a  regulation 
Thanksgiving  dinner  had  been  stowed  under 
my  belt,  "too  sluggish  to  move  and  too  full 
for  utterance,"  musing  on  other  days,  the 
old  home  arose  in  retrospection,  and  without 
compass,  rule  or  protractor,  I  platted  in  the 
glowing  bed  of  anthracite  before  me  the 
boundaries  of  old  Highland  ;  that  being  the 
sub-division  of  the  "Buckeye"  state  which 
nurtured  me  in  days  gone  by.  Days  when 
life  was  one  continual  series  of  delights  and 
pleasing  incidents;  days  when  youth, 
strength  and  the  agility  of  the  athlete  were 
mine  —  glorious  days!  yet  I  can  not  say  the 
happiest  period  of  my  life,  because  in  the  so- 
ciety of  the  domestic  circle  at  this  moment 
surrounding  me,  I  experience  the  acme  of 
human  contentment.  Nevertheless,  they 


NOTE— November.  1901.    This  sketch  is  local  to  Highland 
county,  Ohio,  Hillsboro  being  the  county  seat. 


82  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS.        « 

were  days  bringing  forth,  here  in  the  shadow 
of  the  Rocky  Mountains,  fond  recollections 
in  every  respect. 

My  ruddy  draught  etched  in  the  bed  of  live 
coals  produced  a  mosaic  of  woods,  hills, 
chasms  and  valleys,  with  an  inner  setting  of 
farms,  supplemented  with  irregular  fields, 
these  smaller  gems  separated  tho'  still  held 
intact  by  a  net- work  of  board,  wire  and  rail 
fences,  the  whole  being  interlaced  and  con- 
nected by  a  net  of  free  turnpikes  radiating 
from  the  county  seat  like  the  silken  skein 
of  a  spider's  web,  to  which  was  added  an  em- 
broidery of  the  silver  streams  of  Rattle- 
snake, Hardins  and  Fall  creeks  in  the  upper 
right-hand  corner,  with  Rocky  Fork,  Clear 
and  Paint  creeks  occupying  the  east  and 
southeast,  and  by  Dodson,  Turtle  and  White 
Oak  with  its  tributaries  embellishing  the 
left  or  west,  the  ensemble  presenting  a  tra- 
cery of  exquisite  beauty. 

Gazing  in  the  fluctuating  glow,  I  discern 
in  that  bright  lump  forming  the  apex  of  my 
fire,  the  old  court  house  dome  sending  its 
glint  into  space,  and  in  those  flashing  specks 


A   THANKSGIVING   DAY   REVERIE.  83 

domestic  pigeons  fluttering  around  its  flag- 
staff ;  now  they  march  in  Indian  file  around 
its  base,  now  on  the  wing  again,  now  strut, 
now  nestle  on  the  cornice  supported  by  six 
huge  Corinthian  columns,  cooing  to  their 
mates,  while  the  familiar  faces  of  judge,  jury- 
men and  members  of  the  bar  make  their  ap- 
pearance at  the  door,  after  the  close  of  a 
hotly-contested  legal  battle. 

Reverie,  reverie,  thou  art  a  benediction ; 
in  the  glamour  of  thy  searchlight  the  cordu- 
roy roads  of  the  past  assume  the  smooth- 
ness of  asphalt  pavements ;  the  jolts,  bumps 
and  jars  of  life  are  seen  to  have  been  the 
means  to  an  end,  and  all  the  seamy  phases 
of  the  days  gone,  hide  from  view — ashamed 
to  show  their  ugly  features. 

Again  I  see  my  wigwam,  constructed  of 
iron  weeds,  while  I  scout  around  among  the 
bushes,  with  bow  and  arrow,  trailing  an 
imaginary  pale  face.  Again  I  hear  the  click 
of  quoit  against  quoit  as  we  boys  strive  for  a 
"ringer"  or  "leaner."  Again  playing  mar- 
bles for  "knucks"  or  "keeps"  (the  latter 
game,  generally) . 


84  HOMESPUN    ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

And  in  the  words  of  Hood,  "I  remember, 
I  remember"  how  I  alternated  my  Bible 
reading  with  "Crack  Skull  Bob,"  "Pilgrim's 
Progress"  with  "Jack  Harkaway  Among  the 
Brigands,"  and  "Lord  Chesterfield's  Letters 
to  His  Son"  with  "Don  Quixote"  or  "Gil 
Bias."  Once  more  I  am  a  "printer's  devil  in 
the  Gazette  office,  all  swelled  up  with  my 
importance  as  I  sit  (too  short  to  stand  and 
reach  the  type)  at  a  case  of  breviep  and  fill 
"stick"  after  "stick"  of  copy,  only  to  return 
to  the  million  delectable  duties  of  my  office 
with  tail  feathers  at  half  mast,  when  a  proof- 
sheet  from  my  galley  showed  a  conglomerate 
worse  than  "pie." 

In  the  auld  lang  syne,  now  like  a  pan 
orama  unfolding,  the  moving  pictures  show 
the  writer  of  twenty-five  years  ago  tramping 
o'er  hill  and  dale  accoutred  with  a  twelve- 
bore,  double-barrel,  muzzle-loading  shot  gun, 
powder  flask  and  shot  pouch  in  his  courtship 
of  Diana,  accompanied  by  his  faithful,  in- 
telligent Irish  setter  dog  "Sport,"  who,  at 
wave  of  hand,  ranged  the  field  from  quarter 
to  quarter  until  the  covey  was  scented,  and 


A   THANKSGIVING   DAY   REVERIE.  85 

then  became  as  rigid  as  marble — a  statue 
worthy  the  chisel  of  a  Michael  Angelo  or 
the  brush  of  a  Rosa  Bonheur.  To  the  glory 
of  old  Highland  let  it  be  recorded,  rare  was 
the  day  of  love  making  to  the  above-named 
goddess,  when  the  capacious  hunting-coat 
pockets  were  not  well  filled.  President  Roose- 
velt never  felt  the  intoxication  of  a  week  off 
with  old  Mike  Dunn  (peace  to  his  ashes)  in 
southern  Ohio,  for  had  he  once  partaken  of 
field  sports  with  him  as  comrade,  he  would 
never  have  come  to  Colorado  to  find  recrea- 
tion with  dog  and  gun. 

My  turkey,  cranberry  sauce,  mince  pie  and 
"fixin's"  do  not  digest  as  easily  as  in  those 
days,  and  even  with  this  handicap  to  keep 
me  awake,  yet  concentration  of  mind  on  my 
map  or  plat,  assisted  by  the  heat  arising  from 
its  material,  caused  me  to  fall  asleep,  or,  in 
up-to-date  parlance,  lulled  me  into  a  hyp- 
notic state,  germane  to  many  indulged  in  on 
hot  afternoons  when  wrestling  writh  Black- 
stone's  Commentaries,  struggling  to  master 
the  rule  in  Shelley's  case,  analyzing  the  in- 
tricacies of  evidence  with  Greenleaf  or  draw- 


86  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

ing  a  plea,  declaration,  replication,  rejoin- 
der, sur-rejoinder,  rebutter  or  sur-rebutter — 
for  a  moot  court — under  the  instructions 
laid  down  by  Stephens. 

The  scene  shifted  and  season  changed. 
From  the  whirr  of  quail  and  wood  grouse  in 
stubble  and  thicket,  crack  of  gun  and  retriev- 
ing of  "Sport,"  I  am  below  Bisher's  dam  or 
following  the  rneanderings  of  Rocky  Fork  or 
Brush  creek  with  rod  and  line,  offering  the 
finny  tribe  an  elegant  chub  minnow. 

The  spring  time  glides  into  summer  and 
"blue  hole,"  of  Moberly's  branch  (my  ear- 
liest recollection  of  a  swimming  pool),  fades 
like  a  dissolving  view  of  a  stereopticon,  to 
be  replaced  with  another  and  more  commodi- 
ous one  just  above  the  old  saw  mill  on  the 
Belfast  pike,  about  two  and  one-half  miles 
southeast  of  the  "Model  Town,"  then  'mid 
changing  scenes,  autumn  and  winter  blend, 
finding  the  undersigned  on  the  pond  back  of 
Boyd's  flouring  mill  cutting  "flub-dubs"  with 
the  keen  edge  of  Barney  &  Berry  ice  kings, 
but  just  at  this  stage,  while  skimming  over 
the  crystal  ice,  my  continuity  of  memories 


A  THANKSGIVING   DAY   REVERIE.  87 

was  interrupted  owing  to  my  turkey  and 
"trimmin's"  asserting  their  superiority  over 
my  digestive  organs;  seasons  and  sports  got 
jumbled  up  like  the  bits  of  broken  glass  in  a 
kaleidoscope,  causing  bob-sleds  to  speed 
down  Beech  street  hill  with  the  velocity  of 
the  Empire  express,  the  hum  of  roller  skat- 
ing rinks,  gymnasium  gyration,  "assembly" 
dances,  lovely  girls,  trick  bicycling,  buzz  of 
scroll  saws,  school  day  companions,  base 
ball,  shinney,  the  clang !  clang !  clang !  of  the 
old  fire  bell,  and  running  with  the  fire  engine 
led  by  the  old  wheel  horse  of  volunteer  fire- 
men, John  Eeckley,  and  the  de'il  only  knows 
what,  to  flit  through  my  brain,  when  finally 
the  cells  exhausted  with  the  rapidity  of 
movement  quieted  down  and  found  rest  in 
the  old  homestead  on  East  South  street  in 
the  village  of  Hillsboro,  within  whose  walls 
I  learned  all  that  has  been  beneficial  to  me 
in  life,  and  from  whose  portals  I  brought  to 
the  "Centennial  State,"  fourteen  years  ago, 
memories  of  a  delicious  boyhood,  happy 
youth  and  grateful  manhood. 


ZTbe  jFarmer 


"Let  them  be  hewers  of  wood  and 
drawers  of  water  unto  all  the  congre- 
gation" 

— Joshua,  chap,  ix,  v.  21. 


farmer 

In  a  previous  sketch  I  dissertated  on 
Rural  vs.  City  Life,  in  which  eulogy  was 
sprinkled  with  a  wanton  extravagance  con- 
cerning the  happy,  peaceful,  contented  life 
and  ideal  environments  of  the  average  rus- 
tic. While  much  therein  contained  looks 
pleasing  on  canvas,  reads  well  in  type  and  in 
a  measure  true,  yet  truth  is  a  relative  term 
and  largely  dependent  upon  the  point  of  ob- 
servation; that  is,  what  is  truth  from  one 
vantage  ground  may  not  be  so  from  another 
— paradox,  because  both  may  be  true  from 
the  position  occupied  and  still  not  harmo- 
nize. 

In  the  foregoing  mentioned  sketch  I  gazed 
so  intently  upon  the  REVERSE  side  of  country 
life  as  to  leave  a  flavor  of  Munchausenism. 
To  ease  my  conscience  and  place  myself  on 
record  as  being  fair  to  both  sides,  I  will  now 
endeavor  to  avoid  all  suspicion  of  being  re- 
lated to  Ananias  and  make  amends  by  dis- 


92  HOMESPUN,  01?DS  AND   ENDS. 

closing  the  face  or  OBVERSE  side,  having 
shifted  my  view  point.  You  are  then  to  con- 
strue the  articles  in  pari  materia,  and  render 
judgment  as  to  where  truth  is  found  (if  in 
either ! ) . 

The  Lord  God,  in  the  Garden  of  Eden,  said 
unto  Adam,  "Cursed  is  the  ground  for  thy 
sake;  in  sorrow  shalt  thou  eat  of  it  all  the 
days  of  thy  life.  *  *  *  In  the  sweat  of 
thy  face  shalt  thou  eat  bread."  If  I  was 
preaching  on  apostolic  succession  I  would 
cinch  an  argument  by  citing  the  farmer,  for 
verily  that  curse  has  been  transmitted 
through  Adam  unto  the  tiller  of  the  soil  to 
this  day,  and  is  a  precedent  to  establish  the 
succession  contended  for,  from  St.  Peter. 

The  life  of  the  husbandman  is  one  of  in- 
cessant moil;  aye,  abject  drudgery.  He  is 
independent  and  contented  in  theory  only, 
and  in  the  minds  of  such  visionary  gentle- 
men as  the  organizers  of  the  "Brook  Farm 
Institution  of  Agriculture  and  Education," 
in  1841.  It  is  no  task  for  an  essayist  to  occupy 
a  soft-padded  leather  chair,  lounge  at  his 
library  table,  surrounded  by  all  the  luxuries 


THE   FARMER.  93 

of  modern  times,  and  pen  gushing  para- 
graphs in  re,  spring  showers  filling  rippling 
brooks,  causing  mill  wheels  to  turn  and  vege- 
tation to  spring  into  life;  of  lowing  herds, 
fat  porkers,  strutting  pea-fowls  and  beauti- 
ful snow  covering  the  earth  in  immaculate 
clothing;  of  the  old-fashioned  fire-place  with 
its  glowing  back  logs  of  oak  and  hickory ;  of 
rustic  beauties  trudging  o'er  hill  and  dale  to 
school. 

To  the  countryman  these  things  have  a  dif- 
ferent aspect;  the  showers  mean  swollen 
streams  washing  out  his  dams,  carrying 
away  fences  and  cattle  guards,  miry  roads 
and  fields  too  soggy  to  be  plowed.  The  wat- 
ers of  these  "sparkling,  purling  streams"  be- 
come so  muddy  and  full  of  debris,  even  his 
stock  refuse  to  drink;  they  overflow  their 
banks,  depositing  chips,  saw-dust  and  slabs 
from  the  "picturesque  mill"  on  his  bottom 
land,  nearly  destroying  its  usefulness.  The 
lovely  flowers  bestrewing  his  path  consist  of 
rag  and  iron  weeds,  dog-fennel  and  dande- 
lions which  have  to  be  dug  up  with  a  grub 
hoe  before  anything  else  can  be  cultivated 


94  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

or  grown;  his  lowing  herds  seem  to  take  a 
delight  in  breaking  down  line  fences,  getting 
into  his  neighbors'  corn  and  wheat  fields, 
treading  under  hoof  the  sprouting  grain  in 
their  gambols,  causing  a  damage  to  be  paid 
from  the  few  dollars  hoarded  up  for  a  rainy 
day.  He  fattens  hogs  at  a  cost  of  about  five 
cents  per  pound.  After  the  cholera  thins 
the  number  one  half,  he  drives  the  remainder 
to  market  and  finds  the  price  fixed  at  f  4.50 
per  hundred.  During  the  "buzzing  of  bees 
and  droning  of  beetles"  he  is  in  the  hay  and 
wheat  working  harder  than  a  galley  slave, 
with  parched  throat,  dust  in  his  eyes,  chaff 
in  his  hair,  while  wheat  beards  amuse  them- 
selves by  hooking  their  way  down  his  back. 
The  winter  season  finds  him,  not  enjoying 
the  poetry  attached  to  pure  white  snow 
flakes  gently  falling,  but  chopping  wood, 
hauling  manure,  husking  corn  or  working 
like  a  beaver  with  a  kit  of  antiquated  tools 
on  a  whipple-tree,  wagon  wheel,  or  patching 
up  an  old  sled.  He  plods  around  in  "the 
beautiful"  with  no  sleigh  bells  or  buffalo 
robes  forming  a  part  of  his  paraphernalia; 


THE   FARMER.  95 

his  feet  are  encased  in  split-leather  boots  so 
stiff  and  hard  they  gouge  holes  in  both  an- 
kles, and  he  strains  every  muscle  when  get- 
ting them  either  on  or  off,  owing  to  their 
knack  of  shrinking  from  constant  moisture. 
In  addition,  the  winter  has  chores  on  its  list 
to  be  performed,  which,  translated,  signifies 
hard  work  from  peep  of  day  until  dark  over- 
takes him  with  many  things  left  undone. 

The  treatment  given  the  old-fashioned  fire- 
place, with  its  penates,  if  true,  would  cause 
every  grate  and  base-burner  to  be  relegated 
to  the  scrap-iron  pile.  Alas,  the  fireplace  is 
along  the  same  hard  lines  as  the  rest  of  the 
farmer's  luxuries  (  ?) .  It  is  at  the  beck  and 
call  of  every  wind ;  smokes  or  burns  accord- 
ing to  whatever  whim  conies  into  its  head. 
Our  son  of  Abel  struggles  to  yank  a  frosty 
backlog  out  of  a  snow  drift,  totes  it  to  the 
house,  throws  it  on  the  andirons,  pokes  up 
the  brands,  and  is  rewarded  by  finally  secur- 
ing a  blaze  to  warm  his  tingling  fingers, 
while  he  roasts  his  face  and  scorches  the 
knees  of  his  pants  to  a  beautiful  brown,  dur- 
ing all  of  which  time  his  back  freezes. 


96  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Your  country  lassie  hardly  fills  the  re- 
quirements of  the  aesthetic,  poetic,  rosy- 
cheeked  rustic,  dangling  her  frilled  gingham 
sun  bonnet.  It  is  true,  she  is  buxom,  her  foot 
is  comfortable  in  a  No.  8  shoe,  neck  measures 
15  inches,  waist  31  inches,  hand  too  large  for 
kid  gloves,  and  tips  the  beam  at  175  pounds. 
One  of  her  idiosyncrasies  is  not  playing  ping- 
pong,  but  milking  eleven  cows  while  stand- 
ing in  muck  from  four  to  six  inches  deep,  and 
feel  no  discomfort.  After  performing  other 
similar  farm  pleasures  (  ?) ,  she  goes  plowing 
along  muddy  lanes  to  "skule,"  with  a  gait 
only  equaled  in  grace  by  the  movements  of 
the  kine  she  milked  at  daybreak;  from  the 
use  of  soft  soap,  made  out  of  grease  and  wood 
ashes  lye,  her  hands  are  red  and  cracked; 
from  exposure  her  face  is  freckled  and  made 
pimply  by  a  diet  of  side  meat,  hominy  and 
sausage  365  days  in  the  year.  This  Maud 
Muller  and  her  bumpkin  brother  arrive  at 
"skule"  to  stumble  over  the  simplest  exam- 
ples in  addition  and  subtraction ;  get  up  and 
read  in  a  sing-song  tone  from  a  Second 
Reader,  irrespective  of  punctuation,  enuncia- 


THE   FARMER.  97 

tion  or  pronunciation,  without  the  remotest 
idea  of  what  it  all  means.  Those  shining  ex- 
amples of  intellectual  giants  (we  read 
about)  coming  from  "deestrict  skules"  were 
produced  by  an  all-wise  Providence  for  the 
purpose  of  furnishing  the  exception  to  the 
rule.  By  all  the  gods,  the  man  or  woman 
who  so  perverts  facts  as  to  leave  an  impres- 
sion that  the  country  and  the  life  of  the  rus- 
tic is  a  dream  ought  to  be  throttled. 

The  graces  and  courtesies  of  the  home  cir- 
cle are  made  up  in  calling  the  father  "Pap," 
who,  after  sousing  his  head  in  the  rain  barrel 
at  the  end  of  the  house,  gives  his  face  "a  lick 
and  a  promise"  with  the  family  roller  towel, 
sits  down  to  the  table  in  his  shirt  sleeves  and 
dank  hair.  The  matronly  wife  takes  up  a 
loaf  of  bread,  holds  it  securely  against  her 
bosom  with  the  left  hand  while  she  deftly 
cuts  with  the  right,  and  extends  the  slice  on 
the  knife,  keeping  it  steady  with  her  thumb, 
with  the  interrogatory,  "Will  you  have  a 
hunk?"  Each  member  in  turn  showing 
marked  ability  to  discount  a  Hindu  juggler 
by  carrying  potatoes,  meat  and  pie  to  their 


98  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

mouths  with  a  knife  with  precision,  produc- 
ing the  blade  each  and  every  time  from  be- 
tween the  lips  clean  and  bright.  This  feat 
has  been  performed  at  the  table  so  often  and 
for  so  many  years  it  has  resulted  in  perfec- 
tion. The  women  use  their  aprons  for  hand- 
kerchiefs, and  the  men  use  their  sleeves. 

In  a  prosperous  family  the  day  will  dawn 
when  a  melodeon  finds  its  way  into  the  front 
room.  Did  jou  ever  hear  one?  If  not,  you 
have  never  suffered.  When  Armanda 
squares  herself  before  said  instrument  of 
torture  it  is  awful;  the  wail  of  the  dead  is 
music  compared  to  the  doleful,  discordant, 
melancholy  noises  which  issue  from  this 
concern.  Its  abysmal  sounds  cause  you  to 
think  of  every  ornery  act  you  ever  commit- 
ted. You  think  the  day  of  judgment  is  at 
hand,  and  when  she  ends  the  pumping  of 
pedals  and  releases  the  keys  you  feel  as 
grateful  as  you  would  had  you  been  made 
the  recipient  of  all  in  life  of  value. 

The  average  farmer's  literary  mentality  is 
satisfied  with  a  Aveekly  country  paper,  from 
which  one  member  of  the  family  reads  to 


THE    FARMER.  99 

the  rest,  of  how  Susan  Gibbs  saved  the  life 
of  her  speckled  cow  by  substituting  a  cud 
made  by  her  for  the  one  lost  by  the  cow,  and 
then  the  sad  intelligence  of  Josh  Simmers' 
flea-bitten  mare  dying  of  colic.  But  when  a 
paragraph  is  drawled  out  relating  that 
Sarah  Jones'  brindle  cow  gave  birth  to  a 
calf,  and  that  both  cow  and  calf  are  doing 
well,  the  whole  circle  rejoices.  The  recipe  of 
coal  tar  for  sheep  scab  is  cut  out  and  par- 
ticular note  is  made  of  next  week  being  light 
of  the  moon,  when  potatoes  must  be  planted 
and  worm  fences  repaired. 

Talk  about  peace  of  mind  with  a  farmer, 
my  readers,  it  is  an  unknown  quantity  in 
his  existence.  His  brain  is  always  in  a  tur- 
moil concerning  the  state  of  the  weather; 
it  is  either  too  wet,  too  dry,  too  hot  or  too 
cold;  the  rust  in  his  oats,  weevil  and  fly  in 
his  wheat,  rot  in  his  potatoes,  black  leg 
among  his  calves,  gaps  decimating  his 
poultry,  scurvy  in  his  pigs  and  his  crops 
suffer  from  rooting  "elm  peelers"  and  "razor 
backs." 


100  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Even  when  he  gets  away  from  the  farm  and 
comes  to  town  with  his  hair  showing  it  had 
been  cut  around  an  inverted  bowl  and  trous- 
ers striking  him  midway  between  knee  and 
ankle,  he  is  common  prey  for  the  street  gam- 
ins and  is  swindled  by  shell-game  men  and 
soap-package  fakirs.  If  he  conies  out  of  a 
saloon,  whether  he  drank  a  drop  or  not,  a 
bluecoat  immediately  nabs  him,  calls  the 
patrol  wagon  and  sends  him  to  the  police 
station  to  be  relieved  of  $5  and  costs.  After 
being  guyed  and  robbed  on  every  hand  he 
goes  home  a  sadder,  but  never  a  wiser  man. 
His  mind  is  tortured  by  the  sight  of  the 
sun  on  ground-hog  day,  a  pig  carrying  a 
straw  in  its  mouth,  a  rabbit  crossing  the 
road  from  left  to  right,  thickness  of  the 
corn  husk,  the  cry  of  his  pea-fowls,  the  color 
of  the  clouds,  direction  of  winds — in  fact  all 
phenomena  of  nature  have  sinister  mean- 
ings and  augur  no  good. 

Being  unsophisticated,  every  Cagliastro, 
whether  peddler,  book  agent,  lightning  rod 
vendor  or  patent  right  swindler  waxes  fat 


THE   FARMER.  101 

at  his  expense.  Credulity  is  the  only  one 
thing  he  possesses  in  an  abundance. 

The  summer  gloaming  in  the  country  is 
in  keeping  with  all  the  rest.  The  stillness 
is  broken  by  croaking  frogs,  fiddling  of 
katydids,  the  weird  and  dismal  note  of  the 
whippoorwill,  the  unearthly  graveyard  hoot 
of  the  owl,  with  now  and  then  an  uncanny 
bat  winging  its-way  around  one's  head. 
Yes,  he  sleeps  soundly,  but  no  wonder — he 
has  worked  like  a  pack-horse  since  daylight 
and  is  so  dead  tired  that  he  never  remem- 
bers next  morning  when  he  slipped  his  gal- 
luses and  let  his  breeches  drop  on  the  floor 
at  the  foot  of  his  bed. 

There  is  an  amusing  sadness  in  reading 
of  the  gray-haired  rustic  sitting  by  his  open 
fire  of  hickory,  beech  and  oak,  going  down 
the  hill  of  life  as  easily  and  gently  as  a  child 
goes  to  sleep  under  the  lullaby  of  mother. 
The  fact  is,  he  is  worn  out,  broken  down  and 
prematurely  old  from  the  hardship  in  his 
battle  with  the  elements,  contracted  rheu- 
matism, leaving  his  joints  stiff  and  never 
without  a  "crick"  in  his  back.  Thus  he  sits 


102  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

after  pulling  off  coarse  boots,  toasting  his 
feet  before  the  fire,  with  mind  unfitted  to 
entertain,  be  entertained  or  entertain  itself. 
His  life  has  been  one  unchanging  scene  of 
struggles,  early  and  late.  He  dies  and  is 
buried  in  the  family  graveyard  back  of  the 
house,  with  a  pine  board  at  the  head  of  the 
grave,  soon  to  be  overgrown  and  lost  among 
the  weeds. 

You  think  the  foregoing  picture  over- 
drawn and  the  subject  seen  "through  a  glass 
darkly."  Wait!  Before  an  artist  of  the 
brush  hands  over  his  canvas  as  finished,  he 
adds  what  is  termed  complementary  colors, 
which  cause  certain  features  to  stand  out  in 
relief,  enhancing  the  value  of  the  painting. 
My  complementary  color  is — the  farmer,  of 
all  men,  has  taken  literally  the  word  of  the 
Great  and  Merciful  Father,  tilled  the  soil 
and  in  sorrow  eaten  of  its  fruits.  His  move- 
ments while  on  earth  may  have  been  awk- 
ward, his  etiquette  not  au  fait,  his  address 
generally  below  standard  and  the  butt  of 
vapid  wags.  No  granite  obelisk  may  be 
erected  to  his  memory,  no  eulogies  be  sung 


THE   FARMER.  103 

by  man,  no  mourning-bordered  obituary  no- 
tices printed,  yet  this  man  was  God's  hand- 
iwork, one  of  the  elect,  and  having  lived  a 
life  free  from  guile,  fulfilled  his  mission,  no 
"Mene,  Mene,  Tekel  Upharsin"  is  blazoned 
in  letters  of  fire  for  him;  on  the  contrary, 
he  is  greeted  with  "Well  done,  thou  good 
and  faithful  servant;  thou  hast  been  faith- 
ful over  a  few  things,  I  will  make  thee  ruler 
over  many  things ;  enter  thou  into  the  joy  of 
thy  Lord."  Verily,  I  believe  he  now  sits 
with  the  pure  in  heart  on  the  right  hand  of 
God,  clothed  in  robes  of  celestial  glory. 
Who  would  not  be  "a  hewer  of  wood  and 
drawer  of  water?"  Selah! 


Christmas 


"Lo!  now  is  come  our  joyful'st  feast! 

Let  every  man  be  jolly. 
Each  room  witli  ivy  leaves  is  drest, 
And  every  post  ivith  holly." 

— Wither:  Christmas  Carol 


Cbrtstmas 

This  montli  (November)  is  an  opportune 
time  to  conjure  under  the  heading  of  Christ- 
mas. 

Before  the  waning  of  another  moon  we 
will  be  calculating  how  to  secure  the  largest 
returns  from  the  coming  holiday  season, 
and  even  now  the  mind,  working  kinetoscop- 
ically,  has  running  through  it  a  phantasma- 
gory  of  delights,  merriment,  good  cheer, 
pleasing  incidents  and  glad  reunions  to  be 
indulged  in  and  enjoyed. 

By  proclamation,  statutory  law,  common 
consent,  usage  and  custom,  we  have  estab- 
lished and  designated,  out  of  each  year,  cer- 
tain days,  characterized  holidays;  some  for 
rest,  recreation  and  pleasure,  others  for  the 
purpose  of  impressing  and  vitalizing  afresh 
in  our  minds  some  civil,  religious  or  moral 
principle,  or  to  commemorate  an  event  of 
moment  in  the  past  history  of  this  country, 


108  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

from  which  to  draw  inspiration  and  valua- 
ble lessons  as  ONE  people,  for  our  mutual 
benefit  and  mutual  welfare.  Be  the  same  an 
occasion  of  rejoicing,  meditation  and 
prayer,  or  a  day  of  praise  and  thanksgiving, 
we  find  holidays  necessary  adjuncts  of  life. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  the  subject  of  this  essay 
is  a  holiday  which  is  celebrated,  cherished, 
honored  and  revered  throughout  all  Chris- 
tendom; be  it  under  the  burning  rays  of  a 
tropical  sun,  amid  the  ice-bound  seas  and 
glaciers  of  either  pole,  or  beneath  the  skies 
of  the  temperate  zones,  there  you  meet  with 
this  significant,  time-honored  day  set  apart, 
observed  and  fittingly  glorified. 

No  date  in  the  calendar  appeals  to  man- 
kind and  stirs  the  impulses  of  generosity, 
causes  the  heart  to  enlarge,  sending  the 
warm  red  blood  of  love  and  human  kindness 
coursing  through  the  arteries,  as  does  the 
twenty-fifth  day  of  December,  Anno  Domini. 

"At  Christmas-tide  the  open  hand 
Scatters  its  bounty  o'er  sea  and  land, 
And  none  are  left  to  grieve  alone, 
For  Love  is  heaven  and  claims  its  own." 


CHRISTMAS.  109 

The  purport  of  this  sketch  is  not  to  ex- 
amine and  dissertate  on  the  beauties  of 
Christmas  decorations  in  cathedrals,  jubi- 
lant tones  from  throats  of  majestic  organs, 
of  choral  boys  dressed  in  immaculate  robes 
singing  songs  of  praise,  nor  to  follow  the 
story  of  the  Messiah  related  by  priest  and 
preacher  about  a  brilliant  star  appearing  in 
the  firmament,  pointing  to  the  place  of  na- 
tivity— a  guide  unto  the  Magi  from  the  East 
bringing  offerings  of  gold,  frankincense  and 
myrrh  to  lay  at  the  feet  of  the  Babe  wrapped 
in  swaddling  clothes,  nor  of  a  multitude  of 
the  heavenly  hosts  praising  God,  and  saying, 
"Glory  to  God  in  the  highest,  and  on  earth 
peace,  good  will  toward  men."  It  is  said  "a 
melody  from  heaven  heard  for  the  first  and 
last  time  by  mortal  ears ;"  neither  can  I  de- 
scribe the  appearance  of  an  angel  to  the 
shepherds  abiding  in  the  field,  keeping 
watch  over  their  flocks,  proclaiming  to 
them,  "Fear  not;  for,  behold,  I  bring  you 
good  tidings  of  great  joy,  which  shall  be  to 
all  people.  For  unto  you  is  born  this  day 


110  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

in  the  city  of   David   a   Saviour,   which    is 
Christ  the  Lord." 

To  the  believers  in  Christianity,  these 
things  are  full  of  deep  meaning  and  spirit- 
ual food;  to  the  infidel  and  agnostic,  the 
story  is  one  of  beautiful  images;  yet,  even 
with  them, 

"You  may  break,  you  may  shatter,  the  vase 

if  you  will, 
But  the  scent  of  the  roses  will  hang  round 

it  still." 

It  is  immaterial  whether  you  be  Jew  or 
Gentile,  Protestant  or  Catholic,  this  Christ- 
mas season  in  some  measure  has  a  gladsome, 
refining  and  softening  influence  upon  you. 
Irrespective  of  religious  beliefs  and  differ- 
ences of  creeds,  the  Yule-tide  carries  a  balm 
to  all,  and  we  are  stimulated  in  listening  to 
the  pean  of  "Glory  to  God  in  the  highest, 
and  on  earth  peace,  good  will  toward  men." 

This  year  we  will  find  Christmas  hoary 
with  age  and  honors ;  still,  however,  as  fresh 
and  wholesome  as  the  day  it  found  origin 
among  the  Judean  hills. 


CHRISTMAS.  Ill 

The  day  is  steeped  in  a  fraternal  atmos- 
phere ;  in  very  truth  the  brotherhood  of  man 
was  first  made  tangible  on  the  morning  of 
the  birth  of  the  Nazarene,  Christ  Jesus,  and 
His  teachings  hasten  the  bud,  bloom,  growth 
and  perfect  fruition  of  the  true  import  of 
fraternity,  causing  thereby  a  more  closely- 
knit  tie  to  exist  between  the  units  compos- 
ing humanity. 

Once  a  year  this  day  comes  and  falls  upon 
the  earth's  shoulders  like  a  mantle  conceived 
by  and  for  a  god;  drapes  itself  about  and 
around  in  such  manner  as  to  be  becoming 
to  all  sizes,  shapes,  shades  and  conditions 
of  man,  bringing  grace,  elegance  and  com- 
fort to  all  who  will  wear  the  same. 

Christinas  comes  but  once  a  year — so  sang 
the  bard  in  days  of  old ;  but  is  it  not  a  shame 
and  disgrace  that  we  do  not  so  live,  that  in 
justice  to  our  own  selfishness  we  could  sing, 
Christmas  stays  the  whole  year  round? 

It  is  problematical  whether  we  live  and 
have  our  real  existence  in  our  day  dreams, 
mental  experiences  and  air-castle  building, 
or  in  what  we  term  the  material  realities  of 


112  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

life.  Have  we  not  gotten  the  definition  of 
living  reversed,  and  that  which  we  call  real, 
being  in  fact  a  simple  product  of  the  thing 
we  treat  as  phantasms?  Your  opinion  be 
what  it  may  of  this  idea,  I  want  you  for  a 
short  time  to  close  your  eyes  to  all  external 
things,  give  full  swing  to  the  subliminal 
brain,  and  journey  with  me — in  imagery- 
through  one  phase  of  the  coming  holiday 
week. 

Now,  rejuvenate  yourself,  by  permitting 
to  flit  through  your  imagination  all  the 
pleasures,  joys,  good  cheer  of  auld  lang  syne ! 
By  virtue  of  this  auto-suggestion  or  self- 
hypnotism,  you  find  before  you  the  dying 
embers  of  the  yule  log  furnishing  its  last 
flickering  flame  to  kindle  the  new,  then, 
springing  into  life,  the  crackling,  blazing 
fresh  one,  throwing  its  bright,  ruddy  rays 
into  every  nook  and  corner,  producing  a 
warmth  and  glow  which  brings  into  promi- 
nence the  waxen  mistletoe,  dainty  ivy,  rose- 
mary, laurel  and,  prettiest  of  all,  the  deli- 
cate sprig  of  holly  studded  with  dots  of 
blood-red  berries.  Look  again !  and  you  be- 


CHRISTMAS.  113 

hold  plum  puddings,  stuffed  turkeys,  ginger- 
bread men,  and  delicacies  which  would 
tempt  an  epicurean's  palate.  To  blot  out 
this  Barmecide  feast,  or  forget  the  good 
cheer,  the  joyous  feelings,  bright,  happy 
faces  of  romping  children,  the  contented 
countenances  of  older  heads,  the  inexpress- 
ible delight  in  seeing  the  human  race  happy 
for  the  moment,  would  be  a  serious  loss. 
The  passionate  Burns  says,  pleasures  of 
human  life  are 

"Like  the  snow-fall  in  the  river— 
A  moment  white,  then  melts  forever." 

Then  let  us,  as  sensible  men,  retain  these 
visions  so  long  as  possible,  and  bequeath 
them  to  posterity.  Dream  on !  Call  up  past 
and  anticipated  family  gatherings  and 
pleasures  of  every  nature,  kind  and  descrip- 
tion associated  with  Christmas;  they  will 
renew  and  give  us  strength;  we  experience 
that  HERE  is  found  life  worth  the  living, 
filled  as  it  is  with  humane  desires  and  am- 
bitions; keep  the  scenes  before  you.  The 
changes  are  as  varied  as  the  combinations 


114  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

of  a  kaleidoscope;  the  reminiscence  of  the 
Christmas  tree,  with  fantastic  decorations, 
stands  out  in  bold  relief ;  the  open  fireplace, 
ornamented  with  tiny  stockings ;  the  lighted 
tapers,  curly  heads  and  roguish  eyes  peep- 
ing round  corners  or  through  the  cracks  of 
doors  ajar,  ere  their  owners  have  said  their 
good  nights  and  "Now  I  lay  me  down  to 
sleep;"  then  the  mysterious  movements  of 
the  elder  folk,  after  the  little  children,  tired 
out,  have  at  last  closed  their  eyes  in  sleep, 
to  dream  (as  we  are  now)  of  the  good  things 
in  store;  next,  the  senior  members  of  the 
household,  having  performed  the  delightful 
duty  of  filling  stockings,  pulling  forth  the 
hidden  sled,  dolls,  etc.,  ransacking  closets, 
cupboard,  wardrobe,  and  other  out-of-the- 
way  places  for  sweetmeats  and  toys,  give  a 
finishing  touch  to  the  Christmas  tree,  retire 
for  the  night  to  awake  on  the  morn,  striving 
to  be  first  in  greeting  loved  ones  and  each 
and  all  with  "A  Merry  Christmas  and 
Happy  New  Year,"  realizing  while  tokens 
of  love  and  esteem  are  exchanged,  an  angel's 
anthem  filling  the  soul  with  "Glory  to  God 


CHRISTMAS.  115 

in  the  highest,  and  on  earth  peace,  good  will 
toward  men."  Blessed  memories,  may  they 
never  grow  less!  I  would  not  barter  the 
psychological  process  which  can  reproduce 
and  vivify  such  recollections  for  the  purse 
and  wishing  cap  of  Fortunatus,  magic  wand 
of  Percinet,  or  golden  touch  of  old  King 
Midas. 

Fortunately  there  are  but  a  few  so  sordid, 
mean  and  contemptible  who  would  banish 
from  memory  our  treasured  Christmas  books 
with  their  pictures  painted  in  rainbow  col- 
ors, showing  our  old  patron  saint  Kriss 
Kringle,  alias  St.  Nicholas,  alias  Santa 
Glaus,  almost  buried  under  toy  drums,  tin 
horns,  wooden  animals,  painted  soldiers, 
Noah's  arks,  dumb  watches,  lead  ..swords, 
building  blocks,  candy,  nuts,  and  a  hundred 
and  one  things  bringing  gratification  to  the 
little  ones.  What  works  of  art  these  books 
were,  yea,  perfect  masterpieces,  when  we  got 
hold  of  one  with  old  Kriss  portrayed  in  his 
sleigh,  driving  over  the  white,  crisp  snow  be- 
hind his  team  of  reindeer,  hurrying  from 
housetop  to  housetop  with  more  ease  and 


116  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

agility  than  ever  credited  to  the  fabled 
winged  Pegasus.  And  how  well  we  knew  his 
mission  was  to  let  himself  down  every  chim- 
ney, when  all  were  in  the  land  of  Nod,  and 
deposit  on  the  hearthstone  just  those  things 
most  wished  for. 

Did  not  the  benevolence  christened  Santa 
Glaus  exist,  many  homes  would  be  cheerless 
and  cold,  but  thanks  to  the  one  who  first 
conceived  and  ordained  this  dispenser  of 
Xmas  cheer,  we  find  him  traveling  from  the 
log  cabin  in  the  primeval  forest  to  the  pal- 
aces of  kings  and  queens,  the  same  to-day  as 
when  we  lived  in  the  full  confidence  of  his 
ability  to  supply  our  every  wrant. 

It  must  sorrowfully  be  confessed — as  be- 
fore intimated — there  can  be  found  a  limit- 
ed number  of  creatures  walking  erect  and 
claiming  kinship  with  God  who  have  a  theory 
entirely  vicious,  viz. :  That  because  the  hair 
has  turned  gray  and  shoulders  stoop  they 
should  scowl  at  the  Christmas  festivities, 
forego  its  charms  and  mope  around  with  a 
woeful  mien,  blighting  the  happiness  which 
should  be  rampant.  Why,  the  old  Pharisee ! 


CHRISTMAS.  117 

There  is  to-day  existing  the  same  animal 
spirit  for  play  he  craved  in  boyhood,  plus  the 
accumulated  joy  of  years  to  cause  the  world 
to  forget  its  cares  and  anxieties.  Yet  this 
Ishmaelite,  being  totally  out  of  place,  goes 
round  with  his  soured  visage  at  this  joyous 
season,  lost  to  the  bounden  duty  of  every 
man  to  join  the  merry-makers,  throwing  in 
the  balance  his  years  of  experience,  so  that 
on  this  day  our  joys  may  be  full.  Rather 
than  do  this,  he  finds  satisfaction  in  making 
himself  disagreeable  and  miserable,  causing 
a  shadow  where  all  ought  to  be  bubbling  over 
with  mirth,  glee  and  hallelujahs.  Surely  such 
a  one,  from  sheer  cussedness — to  use  the 
Western  vernacular — is  "locoed,"  and  evi- 
dently indorses  the  doleful  lines,"Man  wants 
but  little  here  below,  nor  wants  that  little 
long."  This  individual  gets  more  than  he 
deserves,  and,  being  a  general  misfit,  should 
be  led  from  the  room,  ^nd  at  its  exit  handed 
a  copy  of  Washington  Irving's  "Old  Christ- 
mas" or  a  volume  of  "Christmas  Stories,"  by 
Mr.  Dickens,  to  peruse  in  his  banishment. 


118  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Now,  having  freed  the  chamber  of  this 
human  icicle, 

"Heap  on  more  wood;  the  wind  is  chill, 
But  let  it  whistle  as  it  will— 
We'll  keep  our  Christmas  merry  still. " 

Drink  deep  from  the  wassail  bowl,  let  your 
imaginations  run  amuck  with  all  iconoclasts, 
while  the  "fun  grows  fast  and  furious ;"  stir 
up  the  brands  and  let  the  flames  join  in  glad 
acclaim  in  honor  of  Xrnas.  Return  to  our 
phantasy  of  home  gathering  of  kindred  and 
Christmas  dinner,  where  animosities  are  for- 
gotten, feuds  smothered,  forgiveness  asked 
and  granted  and  granted  ere  it  is  asked; 
where  discord  is  bundled  bag  and  baggage  off 
to  limbo  to  partake  of  the  companionship 
of  the  pessimist,  the  morose,  the  misanthrope 
and  discontented — from  whose  precincts 
they  should  never  be  privileged  to  depart. 

Good  cheer  permeates  the  air,  everything 
and  everybody.  On  this  day,  by  mutual  con- 
sent, mankind  meet  upon  an  equal  footing, 
the  beggar  and  millionaire  find  common 


CHRISTMAS.  119 

ground;  all  conditions  of  society  come  to- 
gether and  blend  in  one  harmonious  whole; 
there  is  a  broadening  of  human  sympathies, 
appeals  for  assistance  quickly  responded  to, 
the  purse  strings  of  the  miser  loosened,  the 
earth  feels  the  import  of  the  "Glory  to  God 
in  the  highest,  and  on  earth  peace,  good 
will  toward  men,"  and  many  an  old  Scrooge 
had  been  metamorphosed  by  its  enchantment 
before  Mr.  Dickens  had  thought  of  his 
"Christmas  Carol."  Then  the  evening  story- 
telling, while  boys  and  girls  go  by  filling  the 
air  with  merry  laughter,  or  the  sound  of  jing- 
ling sleigh  bells  ring  out  in  the  frosty  night ; 
all  have  a  tendency  to  smooth  away  the  wrin- 
kles of  care. 

If  the  reading  of  this  has  given  you  a  few 
moments'  relaxation,  called  up  some  fond  re- 
collection, brought  into  review  pleasant  by- 
gones, caused  you  to  think  better  of  your 
fellow-man,  conveyed  to  you  any  reason  why 
we  should  preserve  this  holiday  or  furnished 
you  with  entertainment,  then  it  has  fulfilled 
its  mission. 


120  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

So  here  is  a  "Merry  Christmas  and  Happy 
New  Year"  to  you,  my  reader,  in  this,  the 
year  of  our  Lord,  19 — ,  and  especially  vive  le 
Christmas. 


H  philatelic  IFtem 


Stamps  Are  Miniature  Text-Books  of  Art, 
History,  Biography  and  Geography. 


a  philatelic  fltem 

Periodically  the  postage  stamp  mania 
swoops  down  upon  a  law-abiding  com- 
munity with  the  vigor  of  a  Kansas  cyclone. 
These  spasms  are  endemic,  epidemic  and 
contagious,  sweeping  old  and  young  alike 
into  the  vortex  of  philately.  It  is  just  as 
natural  for  the  youth  to  contract  the  dis- 
ease as  it  is  for  him  to  have  chickenpox, 
mumps  and  measles. 

Fathers  and  mothers  would  do  well  to  en- 
courage the  fad  for  several  reasons,  among 
them  being:  It  provides  innocent,  intelli- 
gent entertainment — indoors — away  from 
"de  gang ;"  from  an  educational  standpoint, 
furnishes  attractive  lessons  in  geography, 
from  "Dan  to  Beersheba"  and  beyond ;  it  is 
a  study  of  art — no  finer  engravings  are  pro- 
curable; artistic  skill  is  a  sine  qua  non  in 
producing  the  stamp  dies;  perfection  is 
sought;  "many  are  called,  but  few  are 
chosen,"  because  any  want  of  technique  in 


124  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

workmanship  means  instantaneous  rejec- 
tion. Many  of  the  drawings  on  our  postage 
stamps  are  miniature  copies  of  master- 
pieces from  the  brush  of  master  artists. 

For  a  minimum  expenditure  you  may 
own  a  portfolio  of  exquisite  scenic,  histor- 
ical and  natural  history  studies.  In  addi- 
tion to  this,  stamps  will  familiarize  you 
with  the  profile  and  features  of  prominent 
men  and  women  of  many  countries  and  na- 
tionalities. Our  United  States  stamp  exhibits 
a  galaxy,  to  wit :  Washington,  Franklin,  Jef- 
ferson, Lincoln,  Clay,  Webster,  Hamilton, 
Perry,  Grant,  Marshall  et  al.  The  physiog- 
nomist and  phrenologist  can  graze  in  this 
field  to  their  hearts'  content. 

If  you  are  a  stamp  crank  I  have  your  sym- 
pathy already.  If  not,  then  stay  with  me 
unto  the  end  of  the  chapter  and  at  the  finale 
I  hope  we  may  part  friends,  because  we  will 
find  in  our  examination  stamps  have  much 
of  interest  in  them  other  than  the  fad  of 
merely  accumulating  vast  numbers,  rare 
specimens  and  freak  issues. 


A   PHILATELIC    ITEM.  125 

The  proverbial  "Philadelphia  lawyer'' 
would  be  puzzled  to  keep  pace  with  the  volu- 
bility of  a  stamp  fiend — one  of  those  fellows 
who  croons  over  the  technical  tomfoolery 
belonging  to  the  issues,  perforate,  imperfor- 
ate,  watermarks,  surcharges,  shades,  em- 
bossing, cancellations,  speculatives,  counter- 
feits, reprints,  original  gum,  et  cetera. 

You  and  I  can,  without  going  into  all  this 
minutiae,  admire  tiny  pictures  of  Egypt's 
pyramids,  the  sepulchres  of  her  regal  dead, 
and  off  in  the  distance  the  Sphinx,  wrapped 
in  its  unfathomable  mystery,  found  on 
Egyptian  postage;  can  look  at  natural  his- 
tory studies  in  mammals,  reptiles,  birds  and 
fishes  as  presented  on  various  stamps  and 
be  entertained;  but  when  your  boy  comes 
home  inoculated  with  a  handful  of  stamps 
used  in  Tahiti,  Tobago,  Bergerdorf,  Bosnia, 
Ichay,  Diego  Suarez,  Sarawak,  Kew  Kiang 
and  others,  asking  you  to  locate  these  coun- 
tries for  him,  I  want  to  say  your  thermom- 
eter of  affection  for  the  craze  will  drop  be- 
low zero.  To  scratch  your  head  is  "no  go." 
Your  geography  is  off  on  a  "wool  gathering" 


126  HOMESPUN    ODDS   AND    ENDS. 

expedition.  Brush  the  dust  off  your  globe, 
pull  out  your  atlas  and  gazetteer,  help  him 
out  and  you  will  enjoy  it — at  the  same  time 
find  out  what  a  "numb-skull"  you  are. 

You  can,  however,  save  this  disclosure  of 
your  ignorance  by  purchasing  for  him  an 
International  Stamp  Album,  which  has  the 
"whole  push"  alphabetically  arranged,  with 
a  synopsis  concerning  each  country.  Have 
you  read  much  of  Mr.  Kipling?  If  so,  get 
out  your  boy's  stamp  album,  study  the 
stamps  of  India  and  then  tackle  Kipling 
again.  You  will  not  only  wonder  how  he 
wrote  on  India's  people  so  well,  but  that  he 
could  write  at  all,  and  you  will  also  appre- 
ciate why  so  many  characters  of  his  books 
are  queer  in  the  head,  and  why  he  cusses 
the  English  in  his  "Islanders"  and  calls 
upon  Jehovah  to  help  them  in  his  "Reces- 
sional" lest  they  forget. 

Of  recent  years  Uncle  Sam  has  caused  to 
be  issued  special  stamps  commemorative  of 
expositions.  If  you  examine  these  issues 
with  a  magnifying  or  reading  glass  you  will 
be  astonished  to  find  the  artistic  and  inter- 


A    PHILATELIC   ITEM.  127 

esting  panorama  unfolding  historical  facts. 
For  instance,  take  the  Columbian  series  of 
sixteen  stamps  in  honor  of  the  1893  World's 
Fair.  Arrange  the  subjects  chronologically 
(without  reference  to  their  postage  value) 
and  you  have  a  magnificent  portrayal  of  the 
discovery  of  America  and  its  incidents  in 
the  following:  1.  Profile  of  Christopher 
Columbus,  for  whom  this  country  should 
have  been  named,  instead  of  that  thieving 
Americo  Vespucci;  2.  Columbus  begging 
alms  at  the  Rabida  monastery;  3.  Colum- 
bus soliciting  aid  from  Isabella ;  4.  Isabella 
pledging  her  jewels;  5.  The  flagship  Santa 
Maria;  6.  The  whole  fleet,  Santa  Maria, 
Nina  and  Pinta,  as  they  stood  off  from 
Palos,  August  3,  1492 ;  7.  The  sight  of  land, 
October  12,  1492;  8.  The  landing;  9.  De- 
picts the  triumphant  entry  of  Columbus  at 
Barcelona  on  his  way  to  the  Spanish  court ; 
10  and  11  show  him  announcing  his  discov- 
ery and  presenting  American  natives  to  be 
viewed  by  the  Castilians;  12.  His  unjust  re- 
call, and  13,  returned  in  chains;  14.  He  re- 
counts his  third  voyage  to  crowned  heads; 


128  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

15.  Is  restored  to  favor,  and  16  closes  with 
portraits  of  Columbus  and  Isabella.  This 
gallery  will  fasten  facts — facts,  sir,  as  old 
Gradgrind  would  say — in  a  youth's  mind 
never  to  be  forgotten,  and  you,  my  elder 
reader,  will  have  the  cobwebs  brushed  off 
and  recollections  of  Goodrich,  Qtiackenbos 
and  Ridpath  will  be  freshened. 

Look  over  the  Trans-Mississippi  issue  of 
1898  and  you  have  a  set  of  splendid  engrav- 
ings delineating  nine  phases  of  life  peculiar 
to  the  great  West.  This  series  was  followed 
by  six  stamps  growing  out  of  the  Pan-Amer- 
ican Exposition  of  1901,  giving  drawings  of 
automobiles  and  other  up-to-date  means  of 
travel. 

Our  little  revenue  for  several  years  kept 
in  prominence  the  Spanish- American  war, 
with  its  "Remember  the  Maine."  Thus  we 
could  go  on  taking  stock  and  still  keep  from 
the  nonsense  so  often  found  among  col- 
lectors. 

Now  are  we  friends?  No?  Well,  you  try 
your  hand  on  a  series  of  stamps,  and  I  ween 
we  will  be. 


A  PHILATELIC   ITEM.  129 

Contemplate  an  ordinary  two-cent  postage 
stamp  in  only  a  few  of  its  aspects,  and  there 
will  arise  before  you  a  panorama  such  as  no 
vita,  vivre,  magna  or  mutoscope  has  ever  yet 
portrayed  on  canvas  or  unfolded  for  our 
amusement  and  edification.  It  is  a  tiny  bit 
of  paper — exactly  one  inch  long — though  so 
small  and  with  a  life  of  short  duration,  yet, 
what  a  mighty  engine  for  weal  or  woe.  Its 
mission  as  a  carrier  covers  every  phase  of  so- 
ciety, from  the  highest  to  the  lowest ;  it  an- 
swers with  alacrity  the  beck  and  call  of  the 
ignorant,  in  their  hovels  and  slums,  as  it  does 
the  intellectual  scions  of  Harvard,  Yale  and 
Princeton;  from  the  judge,  clothed  in  his 
ermine,  to  the  criminal  in  the  dock;  from 
the  man  who  lives  in  the  fear  of  God  to  the 
most  debased  of  human  beings  (reveling  in 
dens  of  vice  and  iniquity) ;  from  potentate 
to  slave;  from  oppressor  to  the  oppressed, 
this  wee  thing  serves,  and  serves  each  with 
equal  fidelity.  It  has  "equality  before  the 
law"  for  its  maxim,  and  is  "no  respecter  of 
person."  This  insignificant  bit  acts  as  an 


130  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

emissary  of  all  the  passions  of  the  human 
race. 

True,  it  and  its  tiny  companions  will  soon 
serve  their  purpose  and  pass  away,  but  God, 
in  His  infinite  wisdom,  alone  knows  how 
much  misery,  endless  sorrow  and  broken 
hearts  on  the  one  hand,  and  how  much  peace, 
contentment,  joy,  it  may  cause  on  the  other. 

It  may  carry  the  message  of  sin,  crime  and 
death,  the  sum  total  of  which  can  only  be 
revealed  in  the  great  hereafter;  the  river 
Lethe  could  only  divulge  the  myriad  of 
wrecked  lives  caused  by  its  compliance  with 
the  wishes  of  those  who  wrongfully  used  it. 
This  puny  little  article,  with  no  soul  to  be 
damned  or  suitable  place  to  be  kicked,  car- 
ries the  direful  intelligence  of  an  only  son 
having  filled  a  drunkard's  grave;  an  only 
daughter  living  a  life  of  shame ;  an  only  child 
confined  in  a  felon's  cell,  with  the  same  non- 
chalance as  it  does  those  missives  breathing 
our  successes  and  triumphs  to  the  ones  we 
love  and  honor;  exchanges  words  of  affec- 
tion and  veneration  from  child  to  parent, 
husband  to  wife,  and  on  down  the  line. 


A   PHILATELIC   ITEM.  131 

This  inexpensive  little  fellow  is  not  con- 
fined to  narrow  limits,  but  has  the  world 
for  its  field  of  action.  All  the  affairs  of 
man — public,  private,  and  those  of  the  most 
sacred  character — can  be  and  are  entrusted 
to  its  care. 

Wherefore,  query  naturally  arises,  why 
this  confidence?  The  answer  is,  simply  be- 
cause the  United  States,  and  all  the  power 
and  influence  that  may  signify,  stand  ready 
to  protect  and  further  the  object  for  which 
it  was  created,  and  see  that  its  mission  is  ac- 
complished. The  army  and  navy  of  the  re- 
public is  ever  watching  its  course — its  des- 
tination ;  all  federal  officers  of  this  broad 
land,  and  the  delegated  powers  residing  in 
foreign  climes,  are  on  the  qui  vive  to  see 
that  no  harm,  no  delay  shall  attach  to  a  post- 
age stamp  issued  by  "Uncle  Sam."  Woe, 
woe  to  the  person  who  impedes  its  progress, 
or  tampers  with  its  cargo  while  in  transit,  or 
while  lying  idle,  after  it  shall  have  once  com- 
menced its  journey. 

This  bit  of  paper  asks  no  questions.  It 
assumes  its  duty  and  responsibilities  with- 


132  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

out  grumbling,  and  starts  off  "to  carry  a 
message  to  Garcia,"  and  by  way  of  em- 
phasis, is  the  only  thing  fully  meeting  the 
requirements  of  the  quotation.  It  is  imma- 
terial to  it,  whether  the  freight  be  a  curse  or 
benediction,  love  or  hate,  peace  or  war,  fear 
or  confidence,  joy  or  sorrow,  wisdom  or  non- 
sense, whether  from  sage  or  fool,  man, 
woman  or  child — all  expect  and  receive  faith- 
ful service. 

The  miniature  picture  of  George  Washing- 
ton carries  with  the  same  grace  the  old  and 
ever  fresh  story  of  love,  indited  on  tinted 
paper,  scented  with  heliotrope,  written  with 
the  white,  soft,  delicate  hand,  which  knows 
naught  of  the  world  and  the  struggle  therein, 
as  it  does  the  message  penned  by  the  hard- 
hearted, cold-blooded  money  lender,  demand- 
ing in  the  alternative  payment  or  the  prop- 
erty of  the  poor  mortal  who  is  debtor;  the 
all  of  this  latter  one  is  his  home,  earned  by 
close  economy  after  a  life's  battle,  full  of 
crosses  and  hardships ;  who  ever  has  had  the 
hard  side  of  the  board ;  the  other  contemplat- 
ing in  her  innocence  the  fulfillment  of  her 


A   PHILATELIC   ITEM.  133 

dreams.  See  you  how  impartial  this  misera- 
ble little  inanimate  thing  is. 

Exchange  of  drafts  for  millions  of  money ; 
the  transmission  of  title  deeds  calling  for 
thousands  of  acres;  the  transferring  of 
stocks,  bonds  and  contracts,  are  entrusted  to 
it  every  hour  of  the  day,  and  they  are  safe  in 
its  hands,  conveying  them  from  one  point  to 
another  with  the  same  ease  as  it  does  Xmas 
and  Easter  cards  of  greeting. 

Now,  sir,  in  the  future  do  not  pass  by  our 
little  friend  without  due  consideration. 


©Ib  Bge=H  tribute 


A  venerable  aspect! 

Age  sits  with  decent  grace  upon  his  visage, 
And  worthily  become  his  silver  locks: 
He  wears  the  marks  of  many  years  well 

spent, 

Of  virtue,  truth  well  tried,  and  wise  experi- 
ence. 

— Rowe:    Jane  Shore. 


H$e=H  tribute 

Many  minds  have  accepted,  without  con- 
sideration, the  idea  that  old  age  is  synony- 
mous with  dotage;  senility  with  imbecility. 
This  is  a  grave  error,  and  leaves  the  saw, 
"Old  men  for  counsel  and  young  men  for 
war,"  meaningless. 

I  am  not  prepared  to  deny  that  in  some 
instances  age  brings  about  weakened  intel- 
lectual power  and  physical  attributes  de- 
pleted— all  rules  have  their  exceptions.  But 
I  do  proclaim  that  old  age  as  a  general  rule 
is  maligned;  and  while  a  few  may  answer 
to  the  exception,  yet  even  they  ( save  in  rare 
cases)  are  a  particeps  criminis  in  not  ward- 
ing off  the  infirmities  attendant  advancing 
years. 

The  historical  characters  of  the  Bible  as 
well  as  all  in  profane  literature,  who  have 
left  the  world  the  stronger  and  better  by 
reason  of  what  they  said  or  did,  were  far 


138  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

beyond  the  turning  point  of  life  when  the  ut- 
terances of  wisdom  or  valiant  deeds  per- 
formed could  be  accredited  to  them. 

Aside  from  a  limted  number  who  were  in- 

i 

spired,  all  wise  rules  of  life  which  have  made 
man  the  great  thinking  manipulator  of 
things  material,  were  laid  down  by  those 
who  were  nearing  or  beyond  the  three-score 
year  and  ten  mark.  Some  one  left  us  a 
statement  about  as  follows:  Experience  is 
the  only  lamp  we  have  to  guide  our  feet. 
No  one  will  doubt  the  sound  sense  incorpo- 
rated in  such  a  declaration.  If  this  be  true, 
then  it  is  necessary  that  man  should  have 
passed  through  many  years,  so  as  to  have 
had  the  experience  with  which  to  guide  him 
in  the  correct  path,  and  does  not  even  inti- 
mate that  these  years  have  made  him  less 
capable  of 'accomplishing  the  end  for  which 
he  was  created. 

When  you  see  an  old  mother  of  Israel, 
with  her  pale,  sweet  face  and  her  white  locks 
peeping  from  under  the  edge  of  a  dainty 
little  cap,  you  feel  far  from  designating  her 
as  an  infant  in  understanding;  instead,  you 


OLD   AGE — A   TRIBUTE.  139 

long  to  put  your  arms  around  her  with  a 
sincerity  in  your  fervor  to  which  your  callow 
days  was  a  stranger. 

You  meet  a  snowy  beard  and  whiter  hair 
belonging  to  some  old  patriarch,  and  you  in- 
stantly— if  a  true-born  gentleman — cease 
your  idiotic  chatter,  or  cut  the  vulgar  story 
short,  for  here  you  realize  wisdom  in  your 
presence.  In  neither  of  these  cases  do  you 
recognize  dotage  or  imbecility,  because  of 
old  age  being  charged  to  their  account. 

Did  you  ever  see  the  three  pictures  known 
as  Seven,  Seventeen  and  Seventy?  If  not, 
the  first  one  shows  two  children,  a  bright- 
faced  boy  and  dimpled-cheeked  girl  of  seven 
summers,  with  their  rosy  lips  about  to  col- 
lide ;  the  second,  the  same  pair,  only  the  boy 
is  now  a  youth  of  manly  bearing  and  the 
girl  a  lovely  maiden  preparing  for  an  impact 
of  the  same  character  as  delineated  in  the 
first  picture;  the  third  finds  them  with  hair 
whitened  by  intervening  years  and  eyes  as- 
sisted by  spectacles,  yet  the  same  delectable 
performance  is  about  to  take  place,  and  the 
fascinating  lips  and  twinkling  eyes  are  there 


140  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

at  seventy  as  at  seven  and  seventeen,  sim- 
ply because  they  are  still  young.  It  is  true 
their  hearts  and  lives  have  matured;  still, 
dotage  and  imbecility  are  no  more  in  evi- 
dence here  than  at  the  age  of  the  first  pic- 
ture. 

As  remarked,  some  who  have  reached 
their  three-score  and  ten  years  may  to  all 
intents  and  purposes  fill  the  bill  of  second 
childhood,  but  the  man  or  woman  who  in- 
dulges in  sound  literature,  keeps  in  touch 
with  legitimate  recreations,  takes  an  interest 
in  current  events,  interests  himself  or  her- 
self in  humanity  and  views  life  through  op- 
timistic lenses,  never  grows  old. 

Hebe  helps  those  who  help  themselves, 
and  teaches  them  how  to  play  with  Father 
Time,  tossing  him  to  and  fro  like  a  shuttle- 
cock until  the  game  is  finished,  and  then,  like 
pampered  Arabian  steeds,  they  are  still 
fresh  and  ready  to  begin  the  journey  to  that 
Unknown  Country. 

Man,  starting  from  the  valley  to  climb  the 
hill  of  life,  should  take  advantage  of  all 
available  means  of  nursing  his  physical  pow- 


OLD  AGE — A  TRIBUTE.  141 

ers,  enlarging  his  mental  resources,  and 
keeping  his  mind  pure,  so  that  when  he 
reaches  the  crest,  he  will  have  reserve  forces 
producing  a  mind  clear  and  body  strong. 
Indeed,  to  show  mental  decay  as  he  reaches 
the  goal  is  criminal ;  to  feel  a  weakening  of 
physical  power  in  a  measure  is  excusable; 
but  decrepitude  should  be  punished.  The 
means  to  keep  the  mind  ever  fresh,  young 
and  active  are  plentiful  enough,  a  few  being 
suggested  in  a  previous  paragraph.  By 
utilizing  these  means,  the  mind  will  know 
how  to  apply  the  laws  of  sanitation  and 
hygiene — these  laws  are  in  reality  the 
Brown-Sequard  Elixir  preventing  wasted 
energies — the  flesh  will  be  solid  and  firm, 
the  elasticity  and  strength  of  muscle  will  be 
maintained,  and  he  can  look  down  the  far- 
ther slope  with  no  trepidation;  in  fact,  it 
will  seem  to  him  thus  preserved,  to  be  a 
smooth,  gradual  decline  into  the  valley  of 
rest.  In  other  words,  the  earthly  zenith  of 
man,  who  has  lived  up  to  his  opportunities, 
is  reached  only  when  Gabriel  winds  his 
trumpet  calling  him  home.  Up  to  that  mo- 


142  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

ment  it  should  be  always  onward,  always  up- 
ward, to  this  climateric  end.  I  have  the  most 
profound  respect  for  "Father  William,"  as 
introduced  by  Lewis  Carroll  in  his  "Alice's 
Adventures  in  Wonderland."  Here  are 
two  verses : 

"  'You  are  old,'  said  the  youth ;  'one  would 

hardly  suppose 

That  your  eye  was  as  steady  as  ever ; 
Yet  you  balanced  an  eel  on  the  end  of  your 

nose — 
What  made  you  so  awfully  clever?' 

"  'I  have  answered  three  questions,  and  that 

is  enough,' 
Said  his   father;   'don't  give   yourself 

airs! 
Do  you  think  I  can  listen  all  day  to  such 

stuff? 
Be  off,  or  I'll  kick  you  down  stairs!' ' 

I  indorse  the  above  lines  for  two  rea- 
sons— first,  Father  William  evidently  had 
followed  out  the  lines  of  preserving 
himself  to  a  green  old  age;  and  second, 


OLD   AGE — A   TRIBUTE.  143 

because  his  answer  to  the  inquisitive  smart 
aleck  is  exactly  the  one  that  should  be  given 
to  some  others  whose  names  are  not  in 
books — the  woods  are  full  of  them. 

"For  as  he  thinketh  in  his  heart,  so  is  he." 
Thus  a  man  may  be  old  and  still  be  young 
in  years  according  to  the  life  he  has  pursued. 
Lord  Byron  wrote  a  poem  entitled  "On  This 
Day  I  Complete  My  Thirty-sixth  Year,"  in 
which  he  says,  among  other  things : 

"My  days  are  in  the  yellow  leaf; 

The  flowers  and  fruits  of  love  are  gone ; 
The  worm,  the  canker,  and  the  grief, 
Are  mine  alone !" 

He  simply  voiced  the  reflex  of  his  owrn 
waywardness,  and  was  old  indeed — in  sin. 
Years  had  nothing  to  do  with  such  appar- 
ent infirmity  of  mind,  for  he  should,  at  the 
expiration  of  thirty  or  forty  years  in  addi- 
tion to  his  thirty-six,  have  had  a  conscious- 
ness. 

"Age  is  opportunity  no  less    than    youth 
itself, 

Though  in  another  dress, 


144  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

And  as  the  evening  twilight  fades  away 
The  sky  is  filled  with  stars,  invisible  by 
day." 

Because  Shakespeare  in  "As  You  Like  It" 
closes  with  a  speech,  he  puts  in  the  mouth 
of  Jacques: 

"Last  scene  of  all, 

That  ends  this  strange,  eventful  history, 
Is  second  childishness,  and  mere  oblivion ; 
Sans  teeth,   sans  eyes,  sans  taste,  sans 
everything." 

Many  have  adopted  this  version  as  the 
infallible  result  of  old  age,  but  if  the  im- 
mortal bard  was  alive  to-day,  upon  investi- 
gation, he  would  find  the  condition  of  affairs 
entirely  out  of  harmony  with  his  blank-verse 
assertions.  The  sans  teeth  would  resolve  it- 
self into  a  complete  set,  capable  of  perform- 
ing everything  required  of  them;  the  sans 
eyes  have  formed  a  copartnership  with 
lenses  adapted  to  their  peculiar  needs,  which 
give  a  range  of  vision  equal  to  youth;  the 
sans  taste  has  developed  into  a  connoisseur 


OLD   AGE — A  TRIBUTE.  145 

of  art,  music,  literature  and  viands,  and  the 
sans  everything  has  to-day  grown  into  a 
broadened  area  of  living,  which  includes  as 
a  part  of  the  whole  that  the  old  man  ob- 
serves, hears  and  enjoys  more  of  life  in  one 
year  than  actually  existed  during  a  whole 
generation  at  the  time  "As  You  Like  It" 
was  written.  The  greatness  of  man  is  shown 
in  man's  achievements.  The  achievement 
which  has  made  him  the  greatest  is  the  fact 
that  the  threescore  years  and  ten  have  long 
since  become  an  obsolete  term,  when  used 
as  synonymous  with  the  maximum  expec- 
tancy of  life.  To-day  the  old  man  is  proud, 
and  rightfully  so,  of  having  reached  a  period 
when  he  can  appreciate  the  fruits  of  a  well- 
balanced  intellect  which  has,  and  is,  increas- 
ing man's  longevity. 

As  every  government  census  shows  the 
center  of  population  moved  farther  west- 
ward, so  with  man  traveling  toward  his  set- 
ting sun.  Every  decade  shows  his  meridian 
advanced,  and  his  active  participation  in  the 
control  of  business,  development  of  the 


146  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

country,  launching  of  gigantic  enterprises 
and  his  usefulness  prolonged. 

The  man  in  this  day  who  hobbles  around 
supporting  himself  with  a  cane,  or  listlessly 
sits  by  the  fire  with  vacant  countenance, 
and  who  is  no  longer  interested  in  the  af- 
fairs of  life,  and  who  is  not  consulted  on 
matters  of  importance,  is  a  rara,  avis  in- 
deed— a  fit  freak  for  a  dime  museum. 

Palsy  from  old  age  and  broken  down  con- 
stitutions, so  prevalent  a  century  ago,  has 
been  superseded  by  a  nervous  energy  which 
is  binding  continents  together  with  cables, 
and  then  cobwebbing  them  with  telegraph 
and  telephone  wires ;  tying  towns  and  cities 
east,  west,  north  and  south  with  steel  rails ; 
building  ocean  greyhounds  which  have  a 
speed  only  a  fraction  less  than  express 
trains ;  reclaiming  millions  of  acres  of  wraste 
and  arid  lands;  digging  a  canal  connecting 
the  Atlantic  with  the  Pacific ;  erecting  mass- 
ive business  structures  of  stone,  marble  and 
granite,  superb  in  their  magnitude  and  mag- 
nificence; sending  wireless  messages,  han- 
dling the  stocks  and  bonds  of  the  cornmer- 


OLD   AGE A   TRIBUTE.  147 

cial  world;  trotting  the  globe  in  less  time 
than  Phileas  Fogg  and  Passepartout,  and  a 
multitude  of  items  bringing  to  mankind  un- 
told comforts  and  experiences. 

The  conservative,  acute,  logical  gray  mat- 
ter held  in  leash  by  common  sense  and  sound 
judgment,  is  not  found  plentiful  in  man 
until  many  frosts  have  come  and  gone.  Till 
then  the  fire  of  youth  burns  too  rapidly, 
causing  him  to  act  on  the  impulse  and  not 
reason,  and  it  is  hazardous  to  place  too 
much  dependence  upon  him. 

I  do  not  belittle  the  young  man,  but  am 
endeavoring  to  show  old  age  as  it  is,  when 
the  foundation  is  properly  laid  in  the  pre- 
paratory days  of  youth  and  early  manhood. 

"Just  as  the  twig  is  bent  the  tree's  in- 
clined." The  young  man  who  appreciates 
how  important  a  clean  life  is  to  his  declin- 
ing years  and  practices  physical,  mental  and 
moral  economics  intelligently,  will  be  found 
living  a  life  free  from  mental  and  physical 
disabilities  while  grandchildren  are  anx- 
iously awaiting  for  their  happy  old  "grand- 
dad" to  join  them  in  their  romp. 


148  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

The  pathetic  side  of  old  age  is  to  know 
that  in  the  course  of  inexorable  laws  the 
one  before  whom  we  strew  our  laurel 
wreaths;  upon  whom  we  depended  for  sup- 
port when  too  feeble  to  aid  ourselves ;  from 
whom  we  sought  counsel  in  our  dilemmas, 
and  who  led  our  unsteady  feet  and  un- 
steadier  minds  up  to  our  majority ;  to  whom 
we  now  go  if  in  distress,  must  be  taken 
away,  leaving  us  stranded  temporarily  on 
the  shores  of  time. 

Nothing  can  excel  the  halo  surrounding 
old  age  in  the  human  race,  and  nothing  calls 
attention  to  how  short  our  earthly  existence 
and  how  expeditious  we  should  be  in  doing 
the  Master's  work,  so  as  to  be  ready  with 
some  fruit  to  lay  at  His  feet  when  the  nat- 
ural law  has  meted  out  to  us  its  full  limit, 
and  we,  too,  shall  enter  eternity;  and  such 
can  be  our  pleasure  if  we  bring  ourselves 
within  the  letter  and  spirit  of  the  closing 
lines  of  Bryant's  "Thanatopsis,"  which  run 
as  follows : 


OLD  AGE — A  TRIBUTE.  149 

"So  live,  that  when  thy  summons  comes  to 

join 

The  innumerable  caravan,  that  moves 
To  that  mysterious  realm,  where  each  shall 

take 

His  chamber  in  the  silent  halls  of  death, 
Thou  go  not,  like  the  quarry  slave  at  night, 
Scourged  to  his  dungeon,  but,  sustained 

and  soothed 
By  an   unfaltering  trust,   approach  thy 

grave, 
Like  one  who  wraps  the  drapery  of  his 

couch 
About  him,  and  lies  down  to  pleasant 

dreams." 

This  may  read  with  a  flavor  of  sermoniz- 
ing. It  is  not  so  intended.  However,  if  you 
study  life  honestly  and  seriously,  you  will 
find  a  sermon  in  it  from  the  cradle  to  the 
grave.  The  issues  at  stake  are  so  enormous 
that  you  are  awed  and  feel  that  you  should 
tread  softly  and  speak  in  whispers  when  you 
reach  the  point  of  how  rapidly  the  moment  is 
approaching  when  the  final  reckoning  must 


150  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

be  made,  the  account  cast,  the  balance  struck 
and  the  book  of  life  closed.  As  a  parting  ad- 
monition to  my  readers  and  myself,  "Let  us 
hear  the  conclusion  of  the  whole  matter: 
Fear  God  and  keep  His  commandments,  for 
this  is  the  whole  duty  of  man." 


'No  man  is  so  accursed  by  fate, 
No  one  so  utterly  desolate, 
But  some  heart,  though  unknown, 
Responds  unto  his  own." 

— Longfellow:    Endymion. 


The  death  of  England's  queen  and  India's 
empress,  Victoria,  had  its  proximate  cause, 
it  is  said,  in  sympathy.  This  grand  old  wo- 
man's heart  throbbed  for  those  who  were 
sacrificing  their  lives  in  the  South  African 
conflict,  and  not  only  did  she  feel  for  her 
own  subjects,  but  her  commiseration  went 
out  for  the  struggling  Boer.  Even  though 
possessed  of  a  throne  she  was  without  power 
to  stay  the  carnage,  and  so  profound  was  her 
grief,  the  fragile  thread  which  bound  her 
soul  to  its  casket  of  clay  snapped  asunder. 

It  would  be  difficult  to  find  in  the  economy 
of  man  and  nature  a  word  of  more  signifi- 
cance than  the  term  Sympathy.  It  attaches 
itself  to  and  is  an  integrant  of  every  atom 
of  the  universe,  and  if  properly  administered, 
is  the  Open  Sesame  for  solving  the  labor  and 
capital  problem  now  so  vital  an  issue. 

This  article  is  not  a  disquisition  on  the 
topic  of  how  it  enters  into  all  animal,  vege- 


154  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

table  and  mineral  kingdoms,  or  how,  without 
it,  death  would  ensue;  neither  will  space  per- 
mit me  to  show  how  the  earth  in  its  orbit, 
the  light  from  sun,  moon  and  stars,  how 
heavenly  bodies  and  seasons  are  controlled 
by  harmony  (sympathy),  or  how,  without  it, 
all  would  be  reduced  to  a  state  of  chaos, 
"without  form  and  void."  We  will,  however, 
look  at  one  phase  of  its  far-reaching  influ- 
ence, viz. :  Human  sympathy  permeates  our 
lives  to  such  an  extent  that  our  every 
thought  and  act  is  more  or  less  based  upon 
its  application.  In  our  affairs,  whether  pri- 
vate, domestic  or  public,  we  are  confronted 
with  some  one  of  its  synonyms. 

The  word  is  so  broad  in  itself  as  to  even 
embrace  its  antonyms  owing  to  their  sym- 
pathetic attributes ;  for  example :  Sympathy 
is  equivalent  in  general  acceptation  with 
that  which  is  good,  noble,  benevolent,  kind 
and  humane,  yet  the  thief,  burglar,  high- 
wayman and  brute  are  in  sympathy  with  that 
which  is  wrong,  ignoble,  cruel  and  inhu- 
mane, in  sympathy  with  their  nefarious  call- 
ing, hence  essentially  in  sympathy  with  their 


SYMPATHY.  155 

co-thieves  and  companions,  all  being  the  con- 
verse of  the  understood  definition.  Never- 
theless, contrary  to  what  sympathy  is  digni- 
fied to  mean,  it  exists  when  bad  and  bad 
join  hands  for  any  evil  scheme,  by  which  act 
a  link  in  a  chain  of  sympathy  is  as  surely 
welded  for  woe  as  it  is  believed  to  stand  weal. 
Is  it  broad?  We  have  but  to  pause  a  moment 
to  realize  that  we  are  a  free  and  independent 
people  growing  out  of  sympathy  generated 
in  the  thirteen  original  colonies  for  freedom. 
Sympathy  with  independence  was  the  main- 
spring which  started  the  mechanism  of  this 
great  demo-republican  government  and 
keeps  it  in  motion.  The  "Imperial  purple'1 
of  the  world  is  progress.  That  we  have  ad- 
vanced is  evidence  of  our  sympathy  wTith  pro- 
gression ;  that  our  sympathies  have  been  ex- 
ercised in  behalf  of  good  rather  than  evil  is 
attested  by  our  material,  social  and  intel- 
lectual improvement ;  and  we  are  still  build- 
ing along  these  lines.  Give  me  the  sympathy 
of  the  people  for  a  reform  and  the  reform 
will  abide  with  us.  Thus  the  Magna  Charta 
was  wrenched  from  King  John;  thus  the 


156  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

Declaration  of  Independence  was  born  in 
1776;  and  so  on  down  to  John  Brown  and 
the  spasm  of  Mrs.  Carrie  Nation  of  recent 
notoriety.  Sympathy  with  a  movement 
makes  it  a  power. 

Do  not  contract  the  term  to  pity  and  com- 
passion ;  rather  render  unto  it  full  defining, 
to  wit,  love,  charity,  benevolence,  harmony, 
kindness,  benignity,  toleration,  union,  con- 
cert, yearning,  and  you  hold  a  magnet. 

We  are  successful  in  our  ambitions  in  just 
so  far  as  we  are  in  hearty  accord,  co-opera- 
tion— sympathy — with  the  end  sought  to  be 
attained.  Owen  Meredith  gives  a  truism  by 
writing,  "The  man  who  seeks  one  thing  in 
life,  and  but  one,  may  hope  to  achieve  it  be- 
fore life  be  done;  but  he  who  seeks  all  things 
wherever  he  goes,  only  reaps  from  his  hopes 
which  around  him  he  sows  a  harvest  of  bar- 
ren regrets." 

Sympathy  gave  Adam  a  helpmate  in  the 
Garden  of  Eden.  Sympathy  saved  Noah  and 
his  family.  The  same  medium  caused  Moses 
to  remain  with  a  stiff-necked,  overbearing 
and  thankless  people  in  the  wilderness.  It 


SYMPATHY.  157 

is  sympathy  in  its  purity  which  links  the 
human  and  divine,  made  the  cross  a  reality 
and  life  everlasting,  a  legacy,  bequeathed  on 
Calvary. 

The  only  material  difference  between 
Christianity  and  Buddhism,  is  found  in  the 
"Golden  Kule,"  which,  in  a  nutshell,  outlines 
the  doctrine  of  each :  Christ's  great  heart, 
filled  with  divinity  and  pulsating  with  love 
for  humanity,  delivered,  "Whatsoever  ye 
would  that  men  should  do  to  you,  do  ye  even 
so  to  them,"  as  the  essence  of  God's  message 
to  man.  Buddha,  in  his  narrow,  selfish, 
earthly  limitations,  gives  the  principle  of 
the  Golden  Rule,  but  in  the  negative  form; 
that  is,  he  does  not  advise  doing  good,  but 
says  refrain  from  evil,  refrain  from  doing 
harm  to  your  fellow-man,  because  he  will 
then  refrain  from  harming  you.  What  a  mis- 
erable apology !  Christ  knew  He  would  ago- 
nize on  the  cross,  yet  with  His  fervent  inter- 
est in  humanity,  said :  "And  I,  if  I  be  lifted 
up  from  the  earth,  will  draw  all  men  unto 
Me." 


158  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

No  strictures  can  be  applied  to  sympathy. 
It  enlarges  every  time  you  attempt  to  corral 
it,  and  arises  from  the  effort  with  renewed 
strength  as  did  Antaeus  of  old.  It  signifies 
not  only  fellow  interest  between  human  be- 
ings, it  means  interest  and  harmony  between 
man  and  his  work,  between  man  and  his  en- 
vironment. 

Sympathy  was  the  factor  which  caused 
Florence  Nightingale  to  expose  her  life  for 
the  welfare  of  suffering  soldiers  in  the  Cri- 
mean war.  A  like  work  was  continued  by 
Clara  Barton's  Red  Cross  brigade.  Sympa- 
thy is  concrete;  its  essence  has  builded  the 
orphan,  insane,  deaf,  dumb  and  blind  asy- 
lums throughout  the  broad  land,  as  well  as 
places  of  retreat  and  refuge  for  the  unfortu- 
nate and  afflicted.  Mrs.  Stowe  wrote  her 
"Uncle  Tom's  Cabin"  at  a  time  when  the 
people  north  of  the  Mason-Dixon  line  were 
in  sympathy  with  the  liberation  of  four  mil- 
lion slaves,  and  the  full  effect  of  that  book 
on  the  question  will  never  be  known.  Sympa- 
thy spurred  Bennett  to  send  Stanley  to 
search  the  wilds  of  Africa  for  Dr.  Living- 


SYMPATHY.  159 

stone.  Millet  painted  the  Angelus,  with  his 
soul  in  his  subject,  which  resulted  in  a  con- 
ception of  sanctity  seemingly  breathing  from 
the  canvas,  and  you  all  but  hear  the  Angelus 
chime.  Haydn  composed  his  oratorio,  "The 
Creation,"  on  his  knees  in  prayer,  and  it  tells 
its  own  story  from  the  whirling  chaotic  be- 
ginning to  final  consummation  of  creation; 
no  need  of  a  libretto  here.  John  Audubon 
was  so  in  sympathy  with  bird  life  as  to  al- 
most tell  exactly  what  the  birds'  next  move- 
ment would  be.  Garner  lived  two  years  in  a 
cage  in  the  jungles  of  Africa  studying  the 
language  of  the  ape  family.  Tesla  visited 
Colorado  and  camped  on  the  summit  of 
Pike's  peak  for  the  purpose  of  perfecting  his 
electrical  knowledge  by  taking  advantage 
of  its  dry  and  rarefied  atmosphere. 

The  catastrophe  of  St.  Pierre  caused  the 
eyes  of  every  nation  to  turn  in  the  direction 
of  the  little  Isle  of  Martinique,  following 
the  course  of  their  ships  freighted  with  every- 
thing the  human  mind  could  devise  to  relieve 
and  palliate  the  suffering  caused  by  the  dis- 
astrous eruption  of  Mount  Pelee.  This  was 


160  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

a  gigantic  wave  of  practical  human  sympa- 
thy. 

Why  these  things?  Sympathy — nothing 
save  this — has  incited  man  to  accomplish  the 
things  placed  to  his  credit,  making  him  a 
citizen  of  the  world. 

The  sympathy  of  Isabella,  of  Spain,  with 
the  apparent  dream  of  Columbus,  led  her  to 
pawn  her  jewels  to  test  the  scheme.  You  and 
I  are  the  legatees  of  that  confidence.  Mil- 
lions of  money  was  expended  on  the  Pan- 
American  Exposition,  with  the  object  of 
weaving  the  bond  of  sympathy  between  the 
Americas  more  firmly. 

Emerson  stood  at  the  bier  of  Longfellow, 
looked  down  at  the  dead  face,  and,  after  the 
funeral,  said :  "The  gentleman  we  have  just 
been  burying  was  a  sweet  and  beautiful  soul, 
but  I  forget  his  name."  The  gigantic  brain 
of  Emerson  was  gone,  still  the  sympathetic 
fibre  lived. 

To  be  in  accord  with  his  subject,  Charles 
Dickens  visited  Paris,  trod  the  streets  and 
boulevards,  saw  the  Place  de  la  Concorde, 
where  "La  Belle  Guillotine"  had  stood,  con- 


SYMPATHY.  161 

suited  all  available  archives,  and  then  wrote 
his  "Tale  of  Two  Cities,"  which,  for  a  vivid 
description  of  the  Reign  of  Terror,  is  second 
only  to  Mr.  Carlisle's  "French  Revolution." 
Shakespeare  makes  Ulysses  say,  "One  touch 
of  nature  makes  the  whole  world  kin,"  and 
Burns  tells  us,  "Man's  inhumanity  to  man 
makes  countless  thousands  mourn."  These 
are  perfected  ideas  of  human  sympathy,  and 
how  truly  can  we  verify  the  last  quotation 
in  the  martyred  presidents  of  the  United 
States ! 

"  'Tis  sweet  to  hear  the  watch-dog's  honest 

bark  bay  deep-mouthed  welcome  as  we 

draw  near  home : 
'Tis  sweet  to  know  that  there  an  eye  will 

mark 
Our  coming  and  look  brighter  when  we 

come." 

The  reason  for  this  is  because  we  are  in 
harmony,  in  love,  in  sympathy  with  the  mem- 
bers of  the  home  circle. 

If  sympathy  was  paramount  in  the  home, 
the  divorce  laws  enacted  would  die  of  ennui. 


162  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

If  the  parents  were  in  harmonj-  with  each 
other  and  their  offspring  in  sympathy  with 
parents,  no  criminal  statutes  need  grace  our 
literature ;  yea,  not  even  would  there  be  ter- 
ror in  the  Decalogue. 

All  human  effort,  intellectual  power,  as- 
tronomical science,  mineral  and  vegetable 
growth  is  pervaded  with  some  form  of  sym- 
pathy. It  is  the  perfect  law,  and  when 
rightly  defined  and  utilized  will  cement  all 
into  one  symmetrical  whole,  fulfilling  the 
end  as  contemplated  by  the  first  great  Origin. 


©Ib  fireplace 


"A.  warmth  from  the  past — from  the 
ashes  of  by-gone  years  and  the  raked-up  em- 
bers of  long  ago — will  sometimes  thaw  the 
ice  about  our  hearts/' 

— Hawthorne:    Fire-Worship. 


jTireplace 

Dame  Fashion,  the  Juggernaut  of  civili- 
zation, is  so  assiduously  courted  by  her  dev- 
otees, that  rarely  you  find  a  man  with  nerve 
and  hardihood  sufficient  to  throw  off  her 
chains,  escape  from  her  web,  and  assert  his 
independence  by  instructing  the  architect  to 
incorporate  in  his  plans  an  old-fashioned 
open  fireplace. 

There  is  a  frank,  honest  and  inviting  at- 
mosphere in  the  environments  of  the  old 
(out-of-date)  fireplace,  with  its  fire-dog  sen- 
tinels, standing  guard  by  day  and  vigil  by 
night  over  the  purity  of  the  hearthstone. 

The  lares,,  pc  nates  and  other  household 
deities,  which  once  graced  the  home  and  held 
council  on  the  old  hearth,  are  no  more. 

The  sunbeam  from  without,  and  genial 
glow  of  the  open  fire  from  within,  were  es- 
sential to  their  existence;  these  being  sup- 
planted by  heavy  draperies  excluding  the 


166  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

daylight,  and  stove,  steam  and  hot-air  ar- 
rangements shutting  off  the  firelight,  signed 
the  death  warrant  of  these  tutelary  com- 
rades. 

There  are  few  homes  to-day  wherein  can 
be  found  an  old  fireplace,  with  its  swinging 
crane,  and  simmering,  singing  kettle  accom- 
panied by  an  orchestra  of  crickets  with  their 
fiddles;  such  a  delightful  scene  and  enter- 
tainment will  live  long  in  the  memory  of  all 
who  have  sat  around  the  old  hearth,  crack- 
ing hickory  nuts,  popping  corn,  or  roasting 
apples,  and  often  their  mouths  water  for  a 
"Johnny-cake"  hot  from  the  ashes. 

Cinderellas  and  fairy  god-mothers  are  no 
longer  nurtured  by  the  warmth  of  the  old 
hearth;  the  evening  pipe,  the  hum  of  spin- 
ning wheel,  click  of  knitting  needle,  and  air 
castle  building  in  the  light  of  flickering  back- 
logs, are  things  of  the  past.  They  have  been 
walled  in  with  brick  and  mortar  as  literally 
and  as  effectually  by  the  votaries  of  Madame 
Fashion,  as  was  the  paramour  in  the  closet 
of  Balzac's  great  story  of  "The  Grande 
Breteche." 


THE   OLD   FIREPLACE.  167 

The  requiem  has  been  sung  over  the  pyro- 
technic display  of  myriad  sparks  chasing 
and  jostling  each  other  as  they  went  scam- 
pering in  their  frolicsome  flight  up  the  chim- 
ney, and  the  cheerful  ray,  causing  the  and- 
irons to  cast  soldier-like  shadows,  occupies 
the  same  winding  sheet. 

After  a  day  of  moil,  what  a  satisfaction 
and  relief  to  sit  by  the  old  fireplace,  feel  its 
warmth,  and  watch  the  smouldering  embers 
while  the  good  wife  spread  the  cloth  and  pre- 
pared the  evening  meal;  after  which,  the 
logs  being  replenished,  the  family  gathered 
round  this  shrine  and  regaled  one  another 
with  folk-lore  until  time  to  ask  God's  bless- 
ing and  retire. 

It  must  have  been  just  such  an  assembly 
which  inspired  Burns  for  his  "Cotter's  Sat- 
urday Night;"  nothing  short  of  a  similar 
picture  could  have  done  it. 

Desiring  to  be  fair  to  present  methods,  I 
freely  admit  the  atmosphere  of  the  room 
just  referred  to  was  not  as  hot,  sultry  and 
fetid  as  the  modern  drawing  room;  but  it 
was  comfortable,  and  the  occupants 


168  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

breathed  plenty  of  unused  oxygen,  leaving 
them  free  from  headache  and  lassitude,  re- 
sulting in  perfect  health ;  hence  a  lively  con- 
ception of  the  duties  of  true  manhood  and 
pure  womanhood. 

The  open  fireplace  had  the  faculty  of 
producing  mens  sana  in  copore  sano — a 
sound  mind  in  a  sound  body — which  state- 
ment is  attested  by  all  who  have  kept  from 
under  the  wheels  of  the  Juggernaut  car  first 
mentioned,  and  held  on  to  the  open  fire. 

We  live  in  an  age  of  invention,  improve- 
ment and  advancement;  still,  I  gravely 
doubt  the  wisdom  which  prompted  the  abo- 
lition of  the  old  fireplace  and  its  glowing 
hospitality. 

The  substitution  of  the  coal  grate  did  not 
violate  every  intelligent  idea  of  hygiene,  but 
all  other  appliances  for  heating  retain 
hygienic  principles  in  name  only. 

In  1845 — over  half  a  century  ago — Mr. 
Hawthorne  wrote  his  scathing  essay,  "Fire- 
Worship,"  giving  his  opinion  of  stoves,  then 
coming  into  vogue,  displacing  the  open  fire. 
It  would  be  excellent  reading  if  some  kin- 


THE   OLD   FIREPLACE.  160 

dred  spirit  would  bring  that  essay  down  to 
date  under  present  conditions. 

The  fireplace  and  roomy  hearthstone, 
with  blazing,  crackling  logs  and  flames 
climbing  up  the  wide-mouthed  chimney  sug- 
gest primitive  days,  true;  but  without  the 
ploughman  and  smell  of  the  soil  you  will 
have  to  blot  out  Gray's  "Elegy" — one  of  the 
most  chaste  and  superb  pieces  of  literature 
in  the  English  language.  Eliminate  from 
literature  pioneer  life,  and  all  reference  to 
hunting  dogs  dreaming  on  the  old  hearth- 
stone, the  beatitudes  of  the  old  fireplace,  and 
you  have  made  a  serious  detraction. 

The  sturdy  men  who  blazed  the  forest, 
cleared  the  land,  fought  the  red-skins,  and 
opened  up  this  vast  and  glorious  "Land  of 
the  free  and  home  of  the  brave,"  undoubt- 
edly found  inspiration  and  strength  from  the 
old  open  fire,  which  helped  them  in  the  her- 
culean task  they  had  on  hand  and  must  over- 
come. 

In  the  brilliant,  tremulous  flame  the  back- 
woodsman and  pioneer  read  his  horoscope 


170  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND    ENDS. 

with  truer  results  than  could  have  been 
guessed  at  by  astrologer  or  sibyl. 

In  the  meteoric  beams  of  light  as  they  shot 
from  freshly  ignited  slivers  or  burst  from 
spots  where  a  live  coal  had  been  fighting  for 
an  exit,  and  at  last  secured  a  swallow  of 
oxygen,  these  men  divined  their  path,  and  by 
meteoric  feats  of  courage  and  steady,  per- 
sistent battling,  at  last  conquered  the  lone- 
sonieness  of  the  wilderness,  danger  of  wild 
beasts,  bloodthirstiness  of  savages  and  bar- 
renness of  soil;  delivering  to  posterity  the 
grandest  country  on  earth,  with  the  right 
earned  to  enunciate  the  above  quotation. 

Coming  in  contact  with  one  of  the  few 
open  fireplaces,  still  to  be  found  in  sparsely 
settled  rural  districts,  far  from  towns  and 
cities,  is  like  an  oasis  to  the  traveler  cross- 
ing the  hot  sands,  being  a  blessing  to  all  who 
come  within  reach  of  its  gleam  of  welcome. 

In  the  vicinity  of  an  old  fireplace  you  in- 
hale an  atmosphere  of  chivalry  and  nobility, 
causing  the  incarnation  of  a  generous, 
warm-hearted  gentleman,  becoming  the  im- 
age of  God,  where  before  dwelt  a  cold,  cal- 


THE   OLD   FIREPLACE.  171 

culating  machine — simply  an  automaton, 
shaped  in  the  form  of  man. 

The  twentieth  century  apparatus  for  heat- 
ing our  homes  and  cooking  our  dinners  are 
about  as  cold  and  cheerless  looking  as  the 
material  from  which  they  are  made.  And  it 
is  only  a  question  of  a  very  short  time  when 
all  light  and  cheer  in  connection  with  either, 
will  be  tabooed  and  we  will  be  using  iron 
plates  or  some  other  device  heated  by  an  un- 
seen electrical  current,  concentrated  rays 
from  the  sun,  or  other  caloric. 

The  amount  of  greed  and  selfishness  which 
can  be  traced  to  the  ostracizing  of  the  open 
fire  is  incalculable.  Stinginess  and  vicious- 
ness  could  not  thrive  in  the  glow  of  the  burn- 
ing logs,  the  bud  of  meanness  was  treated 
as  lese  majestc  and  blighted  before  it  had 
fully  taken  shape.  The  warmth  from  back- 
wall  penetrated  the  room  and  kept  hearts 
free  from  all  for  self,  and  caused  each  who 
came  within  its  magic  circle  to  feel  that  he 
was  his  brother's  keeper. 

There  was  something  wholesome,  mag- 
netic, in  the  room  wherein  was  situate  the 


172  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

open  fire  and  old  mantel,  adorned  on  either 
side  with  hearth  broom,  bellows,  shovel  and 
tongs,  and  on  top  with  big  pippins,  sample 
ears  of  maize,  pipe,  tobacco,  candle  snuffers 
and  knitting  needles  stuck  through  a  partly 
finished  stocking;  the  wall  above  decorated 
with  bullet  pouch,  powder  horn  and  rifle. 
Too,  in  this  room  the  friendly  company 
could  be  had  of  the  old  homestead  clock, 
with  its  tick-tock,  tick-tock,  as  it  towered  up 
in  the  corner,  being  not  only  a  time  keeper 
of  minutes  and  hours,  but  a  calendar  of  day 
and  month,  his  jolly  old  face  surmounted 
with  the  phasing  of  the  man  in  the  moon, 
waxing  to  waning  and  then  to  waxing  again 
— a  multum  in  parvo,  clock  calendar,  alma- 
nac and  companion. 

The  old  fireplace  gloried  in  generating  do- 
mestic happiness  with  its  bright,  ruddy 
rays;  in  fact,  the  old  open  fire  has  offered 
up  one  continuous  petition  with  its  blazing 
logs,  trying,  ever  since  the  brand  was 
snatched  from  on  high  by  Prometheus,  to 
atone  for  the  larceny  by  causing  its  cheery 
flame  to  give  light,  warmth  and  life;  yet  we 


THE   OLD   FIREPLACE.  173 


have  corraled  the  brand  and  incased  it  in 
air-tight  heaters  and  cellar  furnaces  to  be 
devoured,  just  as  Jupiter  chained  Prome- 
theus and  caused  the  vulture  to  consume  his 
liver  daily.  Now  the  question :  Who  will  be 
the  Hercules  to  reinstate  the  open  fireplace 
by  releasing  the  unholy  bands  of  Fashion? 


Spare^dbe 


"Neither  cast  ye  your  pearls  before  swine, 
lest  they  trample  them  under  their  feet, 
and  turn  again  and  rend  you" — St.Matthew, 
chap,  vii,  v.  6. 


Spare^ribs 

When  a  mere  lad  an  insane  idea  took  pos- 
session of  me  that  I  would  go  into  business 
on  my  own  hook  and  become  in  a  few  months 
as  flush  of  money  as  a  bloated  bondholder. 

I  had  one  dollar  and  thirty-five  cents  in 
cash,  and  knowing  that  my  father  was  will- 
ing to  honor  a  small  overdraft  on  his  pock- 
etbook,  the  desire  waxed  fat.  While  skir- 
mishing around  and  investigating'  the  field 
of  "How  to  get  rich  quickly"  and  "Money 
made  easy,"  and  sizing  up  with  a  Wall 
street  broker's  importance  various  schemes 
presenting  profitable,  dividend-paying  in- 
vestments, the  tentacles  of  an  hallucination 
reached  out  and  drew  me  within  range  of 
siren  notes,  which  represented  that  all  the 
potato,  apple,  peach  and  other  pealings,  to- 
gether with  the  refuse  from  dinner  table 
and  kitchen,  in  connection  with  swill  and 
a  due  proportion  of  bran,  could  be  trans- 
muted into  bright  shekels. 


178  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Saturated  with  the  conviction  that  I  had 
at  last  found  the  Philosopher's  Stone  in 
this  alchemic  compound,  I  "hiked"  myself 
to  an  honest  (?)  young  farmer,  who  lived 
on  the  outskirts  of  the  village,  and  after 
considerable  dickering  and  stealthily  ac- 
quiring information  as  to  just  how  to  feed 
swine  so  as  to  reap  the  greatest  harvest  and 
what  remedies  were  most  commonly  used 
for  mange,  scurvy  and  cholera,  I  finally, 
while  employed  in  stroking  my  beardless 
chin,  assumed  a  business-like  attitude  and 
closed  a  deal  for  a  long,  lank,  emaciated, 
cadaverous,  withered  anatomy  he  called  a 
shote. 

Verily  I  didn't  know  it  at  the  time,  but 
this  selection  proved  to  be  my  Scylla  and 
Charybdis.  I  selected  this  specimen  after 
matured  deliberation  for  two  very  import- 
ant considerations. 

First,  in  looking  at  him  I  thought  I  saw 
the  opportunity  of  my  life  to  transform 
clover,  grass,  blighted  roasting  ears  and 
vegetable  tops  into  "daddy  dollars."  In- 
deed, he  had  the  appearance  of  being  badly 


SPARE-RIBS.  179 

N 

in  need  of  oats,  Mellin's  food,  birdseed  and 
condition  powders.  He  was,  I  conceived  in 
a  minute,  the  long  sought  for  Alkahest 
or  universal  solvent;  and 

Second,  he  was  blooded  stock.  This  hon- 
est ( ?)  young  farmer  guaranteed  him  to  be 
a  thoroughbred  Poland-China,  Buff  Cochin, 
Merino,  Durham  or  Clydesdale;  at  this  mo- 
ment I  do  not  recall  the  particular  breed. 
However,  long  ere  his  swineship  and  I  dis- 
solved partnership  (and  to  my  sorrow  the 
old  co-partnership  story  of  experience  and 
capital  changing  hands  had  been  verified  in 
my  case),  I  found  that  my  rustic  had  double- 
discounted  Bret  Harte's  "Heathen  Chinee" 
in  subtle  deception ;  for  ways  that  were  dark 
and  tricks  that  were  vain,  this  hayseed  was 
very  peculiar,  regarding  the  pedigree  and 
possibilities  of  my  future  gold  mine.  Ow- 
ing to  the  fact  that  my  stock  in  trade  turned 
out  to  be  of  the  Arkansas  elm-peeler  and 
razor-back  breed,  principally  more  of  one 
blood  than  the  other,  he  being  so  chameleon- 
like  in  taste  and  ambition  and  so  unaccom- 


180  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

modating  I  could  never  analyze  him  suffi- 
ciently to  ascertain  which  predominated. 

I  have  seen  men  who  were  so  wishy- 
washy,  mealy-mouthed  and  vacillating  that 
you  never  knew  where  to  find  them  on  any 
question,  be  the  query  one  of  politics,  re- 
ligion, public  improvement,  national  or  mu- 
nicipal administration,  or  anything  else. 
Such  nonentities  are  plentiful. 

Not  so  with  the  quadruped  out  of  which 
I  expected  to  lay  the  foundation  of  a  multi- 
millionaire. He  was  anything  but  vacillat- 
ing ;  that  was  on  my  side  of  the  sty,  not  his. 
He  was  positive,  deliberate,  determined  and 
always  had  his  way  and  headed  the  dress 
parade  procession  on  boulevard  de  cussed- 
ness  seven  days  a  week.  Apropos  of  these 
weaklings — labelled  men — just  mentioned, 
every  municipality  has  its  full  quota;  they 
are  too  weak  and  too  cowardly  to  be  per- 
mitted the  right  of  franchise  or  to  commin- 
gle with  decent  men  and  women,  yet  these 
creatures  are  patted  on  the  back  and  made 
to  believe  they  are  fine  fellows — God's 
handiwork — at  election  times,  and  im- 


SPARE-RIBS.  181 

pressed  with  a  notion  that  the  destinies  of 
our  republic  depend  upon  such  as  they.  At 
no  other,  season  or  place  do  such  cattle  ever 
"cut  any  ice,"  excepting  always  in  their 
homes,  where,  ten  chances  to  one,  they  buffet 
and  kick  their  poor  little  offspring  and 
swagger  and  yell  in  a  basso  profundo  voice 
at  the  woman  they  promised  to  keep  in  sick- 
ness and  distress;  and  by  all  the  gods  and 
little  fishes  they  do  keep  her  in  sickness  and 
distress,  as  shown  by  the  police  court  rec- 
ords, where,  morning  after  morning,  they 
are  arraigned  for  wife  beating,  and  by  ac- 
tions pending  on  every  civil  court  docket  in 
the  state  for  non-support.  Such  vermin 
should  have  been  thrown  in  the  Ganges  in 
their  infancv. 

The  brute  I  bought,  taken  as  a  whole,  was 
superior  to  this  type  of  the  human  race,  yet, 
I  will  vouch  for  the  pig  we  have  under  dis- 
cussion as  being  the  orneriest  of  the  swine 
creation,  a  "sorter"  Nero  and  Beelzebub 
combined.  He  could  have  graced  the  high- 
est throne  in  inferno  and  made  old  Pluto 
look  and  feel  like  thirty  cents.  Holy  smoke  I 


182  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

how  this  ant-eater  snouted,  Belgian-eared, 
evil-eyed,  cloven-hoofed,  concentrated,  dou- 
ble-distilled extract  of  devil  and  pjg  could 
squeal,  snort,  rip,  tear  and  root.  He  was 
alone  in  his  class  and  would  have  been  a 
great  subject  for  a  side-show  banner. 

As  before  stated,  I  closed  the  bargain  with 
this  son  of  Abel,  who  agreed  to  weigh  his 
pigship  and  deliver  him  next  day  in  town. 
This  son  of  Ananias  in  due  time  arrived 
and  dropped  my  pig  from  a  cage  fastened  on 
his  wagon  into  his  new  quarters,  which  were 
to  be  his  future  home,  as  I  anticipated,  until 
I  had  him,  by  kind  treatment,  luxuriant  bed- 
ding and  excellent  provender,  showing  the 
rotundity  of  a  trust  magnate  and  tipping  the 
beam  at  somewhere  near  four  hundred  and 
fifty,  avoirdupois. 

The  bill  was  then  presented  by  the  vendor 
calling  for  106  pounds,  at  $7.00  per  cwt, 
making  item  one  $7.42.  He  was,  I  will  al- 
ways believe,  weighed  by  apothecary  or  troy 
weight,  and  then  only  after  he  had  been 
chloroformed.  He  never  could  have  been 
made  to  stand  on  an  open  Fairbanks  plat- 


SPARE-RIBS.  183 

form  scale  like  any  other  of  the  sus  specie. 
It  dawned  on  me  finally  that  the  fellow  who 
formerly  held  title  to  my  pig  had  buncoed 
me  out  of  424  ounces  of  pork,  equivalent  to 
twenty-six  and  one-half  pounds,  avoirdupois, 
by  his  adoption  of  a  weight  system  contain- 
ing scruples — no,  not  scruples ;  he  had  none. 
Everybody  knows  that  all  live  stock  is 
weighed  with  a  sixteen-ounce-to-the-pound 
scale ;  this  rural  genius  used  a  twelve-ounce. 
Of  course  the  butcher's  hand  is  always 
"weighed  in  the  balance  and  found  want- 
ing" when  you  open  your  package  of  meat 
at  home,  but  this,  by  universal  custom  and 
common  consent,  has  become  what  is  termed 
in  law  an  easement,  from  the  use  of  which 
he  can  not  be  deprived ;  and  again,  in  selling 
you  the  weight  of  his  hand  it  does  not  reach 
the  enormous  tonnage  of  twenty-six  and  a 
half  pounds  at  any  one  purchase ;  hence  you 
do  not  feel  the  full  force  of  the  shortage. 

Be  that  as  it  may,  you  have  Item  One, 
$7.42. 

The  first  item  of  expense,  in  point  of  time, 
really  was  the  carpenter  for  labor  and  mate- 


184  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

rial  furnished  in  getting  ready  for  his  high- 
ness, viz. :  Trough,  $1.75;  fixing  gang-plank 
from  parlor  to  play  ground  (you  are  hereby 
informed  that  the  subject  of  my  investment 
had  apartments,  an  ordinary  sty,  and  this 
inclined  plane  led  to  his  parlors  in  an  old 
log  barn,  which  also  served  for  sleeping 
apartments ) ,  50  cents ;  building  outside  pen, 
$3.40;  fixing  floor  in  parlor  and  inserting 
sliding  door  between  parlor  and  the  cold  out- 
side world,  50  cents ;  making  a  total  of  $7.15. 
This,  then,  is  Item  Two. 

When  Mr.  Pig  had  "mozied"  around  and 
surveyed  every  nook  and  corner  of  the  prem- 
ises he  grunted  a  grunt  that  I  thought  was 
one  of  satisfaction  and  contentment.  In  this 
I  was  mistaken — as  I  was  throughout  the 
game;  the  farmer  dealt  me  a  hand  from  a 
"cold  deck" — he  very  sedately  walked  over 
to  one  corner  of  the  parlor,  stuck  his  snout 
in  a  crack,  making  a  breech  of  such  dimen- 
sions that  I  was  sure  my  father's  barn  was  a 
goner.  I  suppose  he  did  this  because  I  had 
employed  a  non-union  carpenter.  The  re- 
sponsibility thus  shifted  upon  one  or  two 


SPARE-RIBS.  185 

logs  was  such  as  to  remind  me  of  the  boy's 
definition  of  that  word — responsibility— 
when  asked  by  his  teacher;  he  said  he  could 
give  an  illustration,  which  he  did,  by  saying 
that  if  a  man  was  going  up  street  and  all  the 
buttons  on  his  trousers  to  which  his  sus- 
penders were  attached  should  come  off,  ex- 
cept one  in  front  and  one  behind,  those  two 
would  represent  responsibility.  A  neigh- 
bor's boy  was  sent  post  haste  for  a  saw  and 
hatchet  manipulator,  who  consumed  several 
hours  in  closing  the  breech,  for  which  he  re- 
ceived |1.60,  giving  us  Item  Three,  $1.60. 
The  entry  was  made,  although  with  some 
fear  and  trepidation.  You  see  I  had  to  bor- 
row $6.17  from  my  father  to  take  up  Item 
One.  (I  had  invested  ten  cents  of  my  $1.35 
for  soda  water  and  peanuts  the  day  of  my 
purchase  by  way  of  celebrating  the  event.) 
Then  add  to  this  $7.15  carpenter  and  $1.60 
carpenter,  and  you  have  $14.92,  all  of  which 
was  an  overdraft,  to  be  covered  by  increase 
of  pig,  and  I  did  not  feel  that  much  more 
could  be  added  or  my  profits  wrould  all  be 
consumed  in  running  expenses,  leaving  the 


186  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

net  gain  marked  in  the  form  of  a  goose  egg, 
thus— O. 

For  several  days  my  piggie  seemed  to  have 
the  blues  and  was  downhearted  and  quite 
homesick.  I  felt  sorry  for  him,  realizing 
that  he  had  been  brought  from  the  open  field 
and  shady  wood;  had  been  used  to  outdoor 
exercise;  a  diet  of  beech  nuts,  acorns  and 
other  mast,  and  had  regaled  himself  rhyth- 
mically rooting  to  sylvan  airs  as  they  floated 
from  the  pipes  of  Pan,  and  placed  in  a 
strange  home. 

One  night  this  subdued  mood  changed  and 
an  orgy  was  held  on  our  back  lot  unsur- 
passed in  the  annals  of  bacchanalian  tradi- 
tion. It  must  have  been  demonstrative.  No 
one  saw  it ;  no  one  had  the  temerity  to  open 
a  shutter  of  a  house  in  our  neighborhood 
until  daylight,  and  the  inference  that  my  pig 
was  of  Irish  descent  and  had  been  chairman 
of  a  wake  the  night  before,  was  drawn  from 
the  wreckage  of  trough,  pen,  parlor,  sliding 
door  and  gang  plank  in  evidence  the  next 
morning.  My  pig  was  still  there  in  the  cor- 
ner, looking  as  demure  and  coy  as  a  blushing 


SPARE-RIBS.  187 

maiden.  My  heart  failed  me.  I  felt  the  burn- 
ing tears  ready  to  gush,  when,  by  a  super- 
human effort,  I  threw  off  childishness  and 
began  to  say  to  myself  "Aren't  you  a  specu- 
lator? Isn't  that  pig  your  property?"  and 
as  "Faint  heart  ne'er  won  fair  lady"  was 
written  for  just  such  critical  stages  in  a 
man's  life,  I  braced  up  and  went  to  work  to 
repair  the  damage.  When  the  occupant  had 
endured  the  pounding  and  sawing  as  long 
as  he  deemed  proper,  he  went  for  me,  and 
then  we  had  it  in  great  shape.  The  rounds 
were  short,  sharp  and  rapid.  I  came  out  of 
the  scrap  victorious,  that  is,  I  saved  my  life, 
but  minus  a  pants  leg  and  hatchet.  The  life 
is  here  to  relate  the  incident;  the  pants  leg 
was  ruined  for  future  service,  and  the 
hatchet  was  afterward  recovered  by  the  exer- 
cise of  ingenuity  and  a  snare  made  on  the 
principle  of  a  hangman's  noose. 

For  several  months  things  went  along  with 
more  or  less  friction — more  always  being  a 
neck  ahead — and  repairing  of  pen  and 
trough,  his  pet  amusement  being  to  root  the 
trough  from  its  moorings;  turn  it  upside 


188  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

down  and  land  it  on  the  farthest  side  of  his 
apartments;  railroad  spikes  would  not  hold 
it,  and  every  day  my  life  was  in  jeopardy 
towing  it  in  position  for  my  wealth-produc- 
ing Alembic. 

This  baby  of  mine  had  a  disposition  as 
contrary  and  obstinate  as  the  disposition  of 
the  eleven  stubborn  jurors,  who  refuse  at 
every  court  term  to  agree  with  the  twelfth. 

To  say  he  was  blase  is  putting  it  gently; 
he  had  long  since  taken  his  degree  as  past 
master  and  had  been  installed  in  a  higher 
office. 

I  carried  him  hundreds  and  hundreds  of 
pails  of  the  richest  swill  a  hog  ever  stuck 
his  snout  in,  and  he  managed  to  have  capac- 
ity for  it  all  and  squealed  for  more.  I  bought 
and  had  charged  to  my  father's  account  corn 
during  this  animal's  captivity  amounting  to 
$17.55,  Item  Four.  I  should  say  here,  I  re- 
ceived a  discount  on  this  item,  as  it  really 
figured  up  more. 

Permit  me  to  digress  long  enough  to  say : 
Throughout  all  these  months  of  trials,  tribu- 


SPARE-RIBS.  189 

lation,  sorrow,  misery,  woe,  anxiety  and  con- 
stant fear  of  bodily  injury  or  death,  my 
father  stood  by  me  "like  a  brother."  His 
staying  qualities,  the  grit  he  displayed,  and 
the  strain  on  his  credulity  relative  to  the 
profits  to  be  indulged  in  by  me  some  day, 
showed  greater  confidence  than  that  canard 
concerning  Damon  and  Pythias.  Reverting 
to  my  feeding  this  hog,  nee  pig,  he  had  one 
redeeming  trait  and  that  was,  he  tried  to  get 
fat.  He  tried  hard,  and  even  would  gorge 
himself  to  assist  me  in  developing  my  dream 
of  riches.  He  ate  all  the  time ;  ate  everything 
in  sight;  ate  more  than  any  hog  ever  had  be- 
fore or  since ;  digested  and  assimilated  every 
pennyweight  of  my  alchemic  composition, 
and  yet  could  never  grow  an  aldermanic 
stomach,  save  for  a  few  minutes  after  having 
swiped  up  three  or  four  buckets  of  slop  and 
a  half  bushel  of  corn.  I  have  been  told,  and 

I  believe  it  is  even  now  generally  conceded, 
that  forty  days  feeding  of  a  peck  of  corn  a 
day  would  produce  a  fat  hog.    I  had  read  in 

II  Corinthians,  chapter  ix,  at  verse  6, 


190  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

"He  which  soweth  sparingly  shall  reap 
also  sparingly ;  and  he  which  soweth  bounti- 
fully shall  reap  bountifully." 

Having  been  taught  that  this  pupil  of 
Gamaliel  was  O.  K.,  and  believing  in  the 
wisdom  and  integrity  of  anything  Paul 
wrote,  I  fed  my  pig  for  over  eighty  days  two 
pecks  of  corn  a  day,  and  still  he  did  not  de- 
velop into  anything  you  could  call  fat,  or 
any  other  term  which  would  convey  the  ap- 
proach of  sausage,  bacon  or  lard.  At  the 
end  of  that  time  his  piggie  form  had 
changed ;  he  was  larger,  but  it  was  simply  in 
height  and  length,  and  the  stretching  out  in 
both  directions  had  made  him  so  thin  that 
you  could  count  his  ribs  or  locate  the  wad  of 
grass,  corn  or  watermelon  rinds  without  the 
intervention  of  an  X-ray  machine. 

Knowing  him  as  I  did,  I  think  this  frail 
consumptive  condition  (for  he  was  a  sure 
enough  consumer)  was  brought  about  by  his 
nervous,  erratic  temperament.  Too,  his  con- 
stitutional irascibility  and  laying  awake  o' 
nights  planning  deviltry — this  being  his  long 
suit — with  loss  of  sleep  and  mental  strain, 


SPARE-RIBS.  191 

was  not  conducive  to  flesh ;  then  the  numer- 
ous tilts  we  had  made  him  muscular  and 
agile,  but  not  fleshy.  He  got,  by  practice,  so 
expert  he  could  stand  on  his  hind  legs  and 
knock  off  the  top  board  of  his  sty  with  the 
adeptness  of  a  trained  prize  fighter.  That 
fellow  actually  would  have  made  Barnum 
more  money,  if  property  handled  and  adver- 
tised, than  the  Swedish  nightingale,  Jenny 
Lind,  the  Chinese  giant  Chang,  the  Lillipu- 
tian Tom  Thumb,  or  his  f  20,000  talking  ma- 
chine. 

The  fight  between  St.  George  and  the  dra- 
gon was  a  side  show,  a  mere  bagatelle,  as 
frivolous  as  pillow-dex,  ping-pong,  or  parlor 
croquet,  to  the  daily  performance  between 
the  writer  of  this  sketch  and  his  protege. 

It  is  said,  "The  way  of  the  transgressor  is 
hard" — on  the  victim.  In  the  vernacular  of 
the  Katzen jammers,  "I  in  the  neck  got  it," 
being  the  victim  when  I  purchased  my  pig, 
but  retribution  "is  earning"  to  the  galoot 
who  took  from  me  the  $7.42,  Item  One,  and 
gave  me  in  exchange  the  only  hog  which  es- 
caped being  choked  when  driven  in  the  sea 


192  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

about  twenty  centuries  ago.  You  remember 
in  the  Gospel  of  St.  Mark,  he  says,  "There 
was  about  two  thousand ;"  the  exact  figures 
should  have  been  given,  which  was  one  thou- 
sand, nine  hundred  and  ninety-nine,  this  pig 
being  the  ABOUT,  he  having  escaped,  causing 
Mark  the  uncertainty  in  his  estimate. 

My  experience,  however,  was  an  educator. 
Up  to  this  time  I  did  not  know  the  value 
of  the  word  waste,  nor  the  various  ways  the 
word  could  enter  into  my  affairs  and  the  af- 
fairs of  my  family.  To  illustrate  meagrely 
how  my  attention  was  called  to  this  mono- 
syllable :  My  hog  wasted  away,  or,  at  least, 
never  filled  out  like  other  hogs  did;  this 
being  true,  my  forty  bushels  of  corn  was 
wasted;  the  carpenters'  work  and  material 
was  wasted,  so  far  as  I  was  profited;  my 
father's  money  was  wasted,  because  as  soon 
as  I  got  scared  I  inveigled  him  into  assum- 
ing all  the  shares  of  stock  in  my  enterprise ; 
the  hot  words  this  hog's  action  propagated 
(when  my  father  was  not  around)  were 
wasted,  owing  to  his  ignorance  of  a  sailor's 
vocabulary ;  all  my  pounding,  coaxing,  male- 


SPARE-RIBS.  193 

dictions  and  prayers  were  wasted;  in  fact, 
from  the  time  I  "hiked  out"  of  town  to  see 
my  honest  (?)  farmer  up  to  the  time  his 
bristles  lost  their  identity  behind  the  stanch- 
ions of  the  packing  house,  my  life  was  worse 
than  a  blank.  My  days  were  days  of  real 
solicitation  as  to  whether  or  not  I  could  ever 
play  even,  and  my  nights  were  filled  with 
dreams  of  battles  and  narrow  escapes.  De 
Quincey  must  have  had  some  such  restless 
hours  which  furnished  him  material  for  his 
"Confessions." 

At  last  the  omega  came.  The  season  of 
watermelons,  vegetables  and  fruit  had 
closed,  and  corn  was  on  the  jump,  higher 
and  higher  every  day,  and  my  hog  was  being 
metamorphosed  into  a  white  elephant. 

Horse  sense  told  me  if  I  did  not  want  to 
pawn  my  clothes  and  put  a  mortgage  on  the 
object  which  had  taken  all  my  time,  strength 
and  money,  I  had  better  dispose  of  him. 

Whereupon,  I  employed  a  sturdy  German 
boy  for  fifty  cents,  Item  Five,  to  help  me 
drive  my  charge  to  the  porking  house  sham- 
bles, situate  about  one  and  one-half  miles 


194  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

from  where  his  hogship  resided.  We  con- 
sumed nearly  a  day  and  another  fifty  cents. 
Item  Six,  given  a  negro  to  assist  us.  And 
after  many  ups  and  downs  delivered  him  to 
the  weigher,  who  checked  him  off ;  did  some 
figuring  and  gave  me  a  slip  of  paper  calling 
for  |11.80.  This,  my  reader,  was  to  cover 
all  the  items  hereinbefore  mentioned,  and 
leave  me  the  corner-stone  of  my  wealth. 
The  smallness  of  the  sum  written  on  that 
slip  nearly  caused  heart  failure,  but  I  man- 
aged to  gulp  down  about  'steen  sobs  every 
step,  and  finally  cashed  the  slip  at  the  cash- 
ier's window. 

Now  let  me  recapitulate: 

Item  1— hog $  7.42 

Item  2 — carpenter 7.15 

Item  3 — more  carpenter 1.60 

Item  4 — corn   17.55 

Item  5 — white  boy 50 

Item  6— black  boy 50 


Total  expended $34.72 


SPARE-RIBS.  195 

I  forgot  to  add  I  ruined  a  buggy  whip.     1.25 


Making  the  true  cost  of  this  hog.  .f 35.97 
I  did  not  count  the  bran   [that  was 
given  to  me],  nor  all  the  labor  in- 
volved in  feeding.    I  received  cash ..   11.80 


Leaving  me  "in  the  hole1' $24.17 

This  was  in  dollars  and  cents.  In  addi- 
tion nearly  lost  my  life  a  score  of  times, 
broken  down  in  health  from  mental  worry, 
and  physically  wrecked  from  too  strenuous 
a  life  as  the  outcome. 

It  never  rains  without  pouring.  I  bought 
a  suit  of  clothes,  tagged  Middlesex  blue,  for 
$9.00,  a  straw  hat  for  $1.00,  and  had  $1.80 
left  to  the  good.  After  togging  myself  out  in 
a  "biled"  shirt,  donning  my  Middlesex  blue 
and  new  head  gear,  I  attended  a  champion- 
ship base  ball  game  between  the  home  team 
of  Red  Stockings  and  the  visiting  Rovers. 
All  nature  was  smiling  when  I  started,  but  it 
rained  (it  always  rains  on  base  ball  cham- 
pionship games),  and  then  smiled  again. 
The  rain  softened  my  hat  so  that  it  drooped, 


196  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

giving  me  the  appearance  of  a  horse  with 
pink-eye;  the  sun  shone  so  hot  and  bright 
immediately  after  the  shower  that  all  the 
Middlesex  blue  was  drawn  out  of  the  shoul- 
ders and  back  of  my  coat,  causing  it  to  re- 
semble the  one  given  poor  Joseph  by  his 
brothers. 

I  wish  I  possessed  the  ability  to  write  this 
hog's  obituary,  following  the  same  lines  as 
did  Petroleum  V.  Nasby,  in  his  "The  Truth- 
ful Resolver." 

I  was  born  and  baptized  a  gentile,  and  so 
remained  until  my  experience  with  this  four- 
legged  monster,  fake,  swindle  and  night- 
mare, at  which  time  I  became,  and  am  now, 
an  apostate  to  my  own  religion  and  a  prose- 
lyte to  Judaism  whenever  the  subject  of  pork 
is  broached.  Those  old  Hebrews  who  ta- 
booed swine  have  had,  have,  and  will  have, 
my  moral  support  in  keeping  this  quadruped 
at  the  head  of  the  boycott  list.  Not  even 
Charles  Lamb's  "Dissertation  on  Roast  Pig" 
can  cause  me  to  waver  for  an  instant  in  my 
respect  for  the  law  of  the  Israelites  on  this 
subject.  And  if  you  stop  and  think  you  will 


SPARE-RIBS.  197 

remember  Lamb  got  the  "copy"  for  his  es- 
say from  the  John  Chinaman,  who  also  eats 
rats,  cats  and  puppies.  No,  thank  you,  no 
more  pigs  for  me.  I  do  not  trot  in  that  class. 
I  know  when  I  have  had  enough. 


passing  of  the  ©lb 


'Sweet  Memory,  wafted  by  thy  gentle  gale, 
Oft  up  the  stream  of  Time  I  turn  my  sail, 
To  view  thy  fairy-haunts  of  long-lost  hours, 
Blest  with  far  greener  shades,  far  lovelier 
flowers." 

— Rogers:  Pleasures  of  Mem. 


passing  of  tbe  ®R>  flMU 

"I  would  sing  about  the  wonders 

Of  the  golden  age  ahead ; 
But  my  heart  is  filled  with  music 
Of  the  days  that  now  are  dead. 

And  an  image  keeps  intruding 
On  the  mirror  of  my  mind, 

And  I  see  the  dear  old  visions 
Of  the  years  that  lie  behind." 

This  was  caused  by  seeing  a  picture  of  an 
old  mill  with  its  dripping  overshot  wheel 
and  broken-down  dam.  The  picture  pro- 
duced a  vision  of  the  old  mill  as  it  stood  in 
my  youth.  I  use  the  term  old,  advisedly,  be- 
cause mills  propelled  by  water  power  never 
had  a  callow  day;  they  were  born  aged,  al- 
ways surrounded  with  an  atmosphere  of  an- 
tiquity and  at  no  time  without  moss-covered 
roofs,  indicia  of  seniority.  They  are  all  old. 


202  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

Who  ever  saw  a  new  water-power  mill? 
While  the  vision  called  forth  by  the  picture 
remains 

"Let  me  sing  a  song  of  sunshine, 

As  it  used  to  seem  to  glow 
O'er  the  green  old  hills  and  valleys 
In  the  summers  long  ago. 

When  all  nature  was  a  poem, 
And  it  had  no  need  of  words ; 

When  our  souls  within  were  singing 
With  the  chorus  of  the  birds." 

Recollections  jostle  each  other  of  how  in 
spring  and  autumn  the  small  boy  followed 
the  meandering  streams,  peeping  through 
the  undergrowth  of  willows  for  an  inviting 
pool  in  which  to  cast  his  line,  or  sat  straddle 
of  an  old  sycamore  overhanging  a  known 
and  tried  fishing  ground,  invariably  ending 
his  discursion  by  planting  himself  and  court- 
ing contentment  on  the  old  mill  dam.  Here, 
with  bare  feet  dangling  over  the  edge  and 
a  tempting  bait  having  been  tossed  to  the 
finny  tribe,  he  would  be  lulled  into  day 


THE  PASSING   OF  THE   OLD   MILL.       203 

dreams  by  the  rumbling  mill  and  tumbling 
waters,  and  contemplate  the  monotonous 
swaying  of  his  bright  colored  bob  while  he 
beholds  an  imaginary  string  of  fish.  All 
boys  have  been  disciples  of  Izaak  Walton. 

Beyond  the  picture,  urchins  can  be  seen 
in  the  heat  of  summer,  sporting  like  dolphins 
in  the  back  waters  of  the  dam,  until  from 
exposure  to  the  sun's  hot  rays  it  became  nec- 
essary to  have  mother  apply  rich  cream  to 
blistered  shoulders.  What  boy  has  not  ex- 
perienced the  cooling  properties  of  cream 
on  a  sun-burned  back? 

The  vision  contains  the  winter  scene,  when 
the  same  stretch  of  water  had  congealed  into 
the  smoothness  and  almost  hardness  of  crys- 
tal. Above  the  old  dam  there  is  to  be  found 
ample  room,  with  a  pair  of  skates,  to  spread 
the  eagle,  cut  a  figure  eight,  front  and  back 
circles,  to  say  nothing  of  the  Dutch  roll,  base 
and  pole.  And  the  skates  of  that  day !  There 
was  sufficient  iron  in  the  blades  of  the  old 
"turn-up"  brand  of  skate  to  have  shod  a  sled ; 
then  the  boy,  struggling  with  knife  and  gim- 
let to  extract  pebbles  from  holes  in  boot  heels 


204  HOMESPUN  ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

previously  prepared,  ere  recognition  was 
given  the  screw,  after  which  came  the  adjust- 
ment of  a  yard  or  more  of  strap  twined 
around  toe  and  instep,  made  taut  in  divers 
places  by  the  insertion  of  sticks  of  wood- 
cutting off  the  circulation  of  blood  as  effect- 
ively as  a  Spanish  garrote.  The  usual  wind- 
up  of  these  days  of  recreation  was  the  appeal 
again  to  mother,  this  time  to  bring  into 
requisition  mutton  tallow  for  ankles  minus 
skin  and  chunks  of  flesh  caused  by  the 
vicious  gouging  of  twisted  boot  counters. 
But  to  return  to  the  mill.  What  a  calm  would 
come  over  one,  what  a  soothing  and  forget- 
fulness  of  worry  and  care  while  lounging  in 
the  old  mill  window  gazing  at  the  waters 
hastening  over  the  dam;  the  fall,  foam  and 
spray  was  a  veritable  miniature  Niagara. 
Back  of  him  the  old  perpendicular  saw — in 
wooden  frame — eating  and  crunching  its 
way  through  huge  logs  or  burrs  in  operation, 
grinding,  powdering  and  pulverizing  grain, 
producing  enough  noise  and  commotion  to 
have  waked  the  seven  sleepers;  still,  amid 
it  all,  his  attention  was  riveted  on  the  boil- 


THE   PASSING   OP   THE  OLD   MILL        205 

ing,  turbulent  waters  at  the  foot  of  the  dam, 
oblivious  to  sound  of  saw  blazing  a  pathway 
or  whirr  of  upper  and  nether  stone  reducing 
cereals  to  flour  and  meal. 

Across  the  creek  song  birds  piped  for  him 
while  he  watched  for  mermaids  to  arise  and 
comb  their  tresses  for  his  entertainment,  or 
an  Undine  to  appear  and  salute  him  by  waft- 
ing a  kiss ;  he  dreamed  of  the  years  to  come 
and  builded  air  castles  which  have,  one  by 
one,  gone  down,  together  with  the  old  mill. 

"So  forgive  me  if  I  linger 

In  the  byways  of  the  Past ; 
If  on  Kecollection's  pictures 

One  last,  lingering  look  is  cast. 
We  will  sing  the  songs  to-morrow 

Of  the  golden  age  ahead, 
But  to-night  I  hear  the  music 

Of  the  days  that  now  are  dead." 

There  is  a  tinge  of  sadness  in  the  passing 
of  these  venerable  and  picturesque  mills. 
The  ugliness  of  to-day's  commercialism 
causes  one  to  think  another  beatitude  should 
be  added  to  our  present  eight  and  run  as 


206  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

folloAvs:  "Blessed  are  they  who  have  seen 
the  old  water-power  mill,  for  theirs  shall  be 
a  sweet  recollection."  Tradition  and  picture 
is  all  that  is  left  to  our  children.  The  pro- 
saic, business-like  environment  of  the  pres- 
ent furnishes  nothing  so  poetic  and  grateful 
to  the  eye,  nothing  calling  out  the  refinement 
born  in  all  mankind  like  the  old  mill  as  it 
stood  in  the  primitive  days. 

The  boy  then  knew  not  the  import  of 

"The  mill  will  never  grind  with  the  water 
that  is  passed ;" 

but  how  vividly  in  retrospection  does  he 
realize  wasted  opportunities  and  the  thou- 
sand and  one  things  he  might  have  achieved, 
lost  to  him  now.  Too  late  he  appreciates 
there  can  be  no  utilization  of  "the  water  that 
is  passed."  Query:  With  the  years  of  ex- 
perience and  the  knowledge  of  past  laches, 
should  the  full  import  now  be  presented  of 
"The  mill  will  never  grind  with  the  water 
that  is  passed,"  would  man  grasp  opportuni- 
ties and  be  greater  or  better?  I  doubt  it.  A 
few  might  lay  hold  of  the  situation  and 


THE   PASSING   OF   THE  OLD   MILL       207 

profit ;  but  I  surmise  the  multiplied  tempta- 
tions, products  of  the  growth  of  present  en- 
lightenment, would  more  than  offset  his  ac- 
quired knowledge,  and  the  net  result  be  even 
worse.  Is  a  surmise  that  all  is  for  the  best, 
optimism?  I  think  so,  and  also  believe  the 
optimist  has  the  only  legitimate  claim  to  wis- 
dom, because  of  being  attuned  to  a  cheerful 
view  of  life  and  thus  believing  all  things  are 
for  the  best,  thinks  with  the  Calvinist: 
"What  is  to  be,  will  be,  whether  it  ever  comes 
to  pass  or  not." 

What  a  contrast  we  find  in  the  miserable 
pessimistic  holding  of  the  iconoclast,  who 
gloats  in  tearing  down  our  idols  and  who  re- 
fuses to  let  the  dead  bury  their  dead,  but 
finds  delight — a  fiendish  delight — in  demol- 
ishing the  sentiments  belonging  to  ye  olden 
times.  How  different  is 

"My  hair  is  gray ;  the  years  have  set 

Their  signet  on  my  brow, 

But  must  I  in  old  age  forget 

The  little  children  now?" 

sang  by  an  Ohio  bard!  The  thought  is  as 
true  and  sentiment  as  strong  of  cherished 


208  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

things  of  yore  as  of  the  prattling  babes  of 
the  poem. 

The  old  mill  is  a  large  creditor  of  litera- 
ture. How  could  we  do  without  the  "Mill 
Pond  Nix;"  the  beautiful  daughters  of  mill 
owners  making  this  a  trysting  place  with 
country  lads  or  being  carried  off  by  gallant 
knights  on  chargers  of  purest  white ;  of  bold 
robbers  raiding  from  this  rendezvous;  of 
ghosts  and  goblin  tales  galore ;  of  the  weird 
home  of  bats  and  owls,  and  many  other 
stories  of  this  character?  All  old  things  are 
not  lovely,  but,  among  those  that  are,  the 
mill  retains  a  halo  of  glory. 

There  is  something  pathetic  in  the  thought 
of  how,  when  the  old  mill  was  in  esse,  the 
serpentine  channels  of  our  creeks  showed 
the  water  deep  and  abundant  the  year 
round ;  in  this,  the  morning  of  the  twentieth 
century,  the  steady-flowing  creek  of  old  is 
a  mere  shadow  of  its  former  self,  reduced 
to  a  thread,  and  in  many  places  the  bed  in- 
dicating no  moisture  at  all.  This  was 
brought  about  by  wanton  waste  of  magnifi- 
cent timber.  The  hillsides  have  been  stripped 


THE   PASSING   OF  THE  OLD   MILL       209 

of  the  woods  which  sheltered  the  soil,  which 
in  turn  stored  the  moisture  and  regulated 
the  supply,  keeping  alive  during  all  seasons 
the  springs  and  rivulets  to  feed  the  larger 
streams.  To-day  the  rains  fall  as  then,  but 
instead  of  saturating  the  earth  and  gradu- 
ally producing  enough  moisture  to  keep 
nature  in  poise,  the  water  rushes  down  to 
dry  creeks,  soon  to  become  roaring  torrents, 
carrying  destruction  before  and  leaving 
devastation  and  wreckage  behind. 

Thanks  to  thoughtful  men,  this  vandalism 
of  our  trees  is  being  stopped  by  legislation. 
However,  several  generations  will  come  and 
go  before  forests  will  again  dot  our  country 
and  the  streafcis  renew  their  freshness  and 
beauty  of  yore  and  the  boy  find  limpid  wa- 
ters in  which  to  toss  his  fly.  Our  friend  the 
old  mill  has  gone  forever,  leaving  pleasant 
memories,  and  when  we,  too,  shall  have 
passed  away,  may  we  leave  to  our  children 
memories  as  refreshing  and  pure,  charged 
with  goodness  and  godliness.  So  much  for 
the  thoughts  indulged  in  upon  seeing  the  pic- 
ture of  an  old  mill. 


"Hear  ye  not  the  hum, 
Of  mighty  workings?" 
— Keats:  Addressed  to  Hayd.on. 


Monfcerlanfc 

Come  along,  come  along ;  everybody  come 
along  with  me,  and  visit  wonderland — a 
wonderland  of  fact;  a  wonderland  of  start- 
ling revelations ;  a  wonderland  which  could 
have  been  made  the  site  of  "The  Adventures 
of  Alice ;"  a  wonderland  as  interesting  in  its 
novel  features  as  any  clime  of  mythological 
lore ;  a  wonderland  where  all  laws  familiar 
to  man  in  geology  and  mineralogy  have  been 
set  at  naught — where  mammoth  caves  and 
caverns  exist,  entrancing  in  their  fairy-like 
appointments  of  glittering  council  cham- 
bers, exquisite  grottoes  decorated  with  glis- 
tening stalagmites  and  stalactites — where 
gold,  silver  and  other  precious  metals  are 
found  in  formations  in  direct  violation  of  all 
known  science  relative  to  ore-bearing  rock; 
a  "neck  of  the  woods"  of  which  one  moiety 
was  procured  from  Napoleon  Bonaparte, 
and  the  other  from  the  descendants  of  Mon- 
tezuma ;  where  the  climate  of  both  temper- 


214  HOMESPUN   ODDS   AND   ENDS. 

ate  and  frigid  zone  exists  in  the  same  lati- 
tude;" where  mirages  stand  cities  upside 
down,  and  poise  mountains  on  their  apices; 
where  the  magicians  (brain  and  muscle) 
have  out-Aladdined  Aladdin  in  the  produc- 
tion of  palatial  homes,  equipped  with  com- 
forts, conveniences  and  luxuries  the  tailor's 
wayward  son  and  his  genii  never  dreamed 
of.  Where  the  shades  of  Vulcan  and  Pro- 
metheus would  hide  their  faces  in  very 
shame  at  their  ignorance,  should  they  behold 
the  titanic  blast  furnaces,  smelting  and  steel 
plants ;  where  a  rattlesnake,  owl  and  prairie 
dog  occupy  the  same  apartment  in  loving 
harmony ;  where  perpetual  snow  and  Italian 
skies  abide,  and  while  golden  harvests  are 
being  garnered  in  the  valleys,  the  avalanche 
is  tearing,  with  the  fury  of  a  legion  of  fiends, 
a  path  down  the  mountain  side;  where  the 
cowboy  oft  is  found  scanning  the  "London 
Lancet"  and  "Paris  Figaro"  for  his  light 
reading,  but  keeping  in  touch  with  his  alma 
mater  by  hanging  on  to  his  Latin  Horace 
and  Greek  Xenophon.  Where  the  loco- 
motive skips  across  chasms,  skims  up  moun- 


WONDERLAND.  215 

tain  steeps  and  over  passes,  doubling  on  its 
track  like  a  fox  pursued,  enters  the*bowels 
of  the  earth,  only  to  reappear  nearer  the 
skies,  and  at  night  from  the  valley  you  see 
its  cyclopean  eye  wink  and  blink  like  a  liv- 
ing, breathing,  reasoning  demon  as  it  dodges 
behind  a  bluff,  snaps  around  a  ledge,  or 
whips  out  of  a  tunnel — apparently  dashing 
helter-skelter  in  space — where  two  trains 
speeding  along  in  the  same  direction  and  on 
the  same  continuous  pair  of  rails,  if  one 
mile  apart,  will  at  one  period  indicate  a 
head-end  collision  as  inevitable  and  the  next 
instant  be  running  away  from  each  other 
like  two  whipped  curs,  only  to  change  posi- 
tions and  one  meekly  follow  in  the  wake  of 
the  leader,  soon  to  reverse  the  leadership ; 
and  thus  railroads  play  tag  in  our  wonder- 
land. Where  the  awful  hand  of  volcanic 
convulsion  has  left  mirrored  lakes  far  above 
the  clouds,  emptied  mountains,  and  with 
their  contents  reared  castles  and  fortresses, 
minareted  and  turreted,  builded  and  sculp- 
tured monuments  for  the  "Garden  of  the 
Gods,"  and  other  places  which  have  stood 


216  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

the  test  of  time  like  the  mute  sentinels 
builded  by  the  Pharaohs  on  the  banks  of 
the  Nile.  Where  the  shape  of  a  cross  is  in- 
laid on  the  mountain  side,  formed  of  the 
beautiful  snow,  remaining  there  the  year 
round,  ever  reminding  us  of  Him  who  it 
typifies  in  its  immaculate  purity.  A  won- 
derland where  the  broken  covenant  of  the 
Pilgrim  Fathers,  to  the  effect  that  all  men 
should  have  the  right  to  worship  God  accord- 
ing to  the  dictates  of  their  own  conscience, 
has  been  redeemed  and  religious  tolerance 
permitted,  from  the  subdued  Quaker  wait- 
ing for  the  spirit  to  move  him,  to  the  self- 
inflicted  tortures  of  the  demonstrative  Flag- 
ellants. A  land  where  the  Indian's  Mani- 
tou  watches  over  healing  waters — the  veri- 
table fountain  sought  by  Ponce  de  Leon- 
giving  strength  to  the  weak,  restoring  health 
to  the  sick,  and  causing  the  cripple  to  throw 
away  crutch  and  cane — in  short,  producing 
more  miraculous  and  genuine  cures  each 
year  than  the  famed  Notre  Dame  de  Lourdes 
has,  since  the  water  was  discovered  by  the 
sick  child  Bernadetta,  too,  where,  had  De 


WONDERLAND.  217 

Soto  traveled  farther  to  the  northwest  and 
Coronado  farther  northward,  the  former 
would  have  reached  his  El  Dorado,  and  the 
latter  his  fabled  Quivira,  in  either  of  the  lo- 
calities now  known  as  Cripple  Creek,  Victor, 
Leadville,  Aspen,  Ouray  or  Silverton. 
Where  yesterday  the  Indian,  buffalo,  elk, 
wolf,  beaver  and  trapper  held  full  sway,  to- 
day the  automobile  and  electric  car  glide 
over  asphalt  pavements,  between  business 
blocks  towering  aloft — hives  peopled  with  a 
teeming  commercial  population,  in  direct 
communication  with  every  bourse  on  the 
globe. 

This  is  a  glimpse  of  Colorado — our  Won- 
derland— which  one  hundred  years  after  the 
Declaration  of  Independence  was  signed, 
doffed  its  swaddling  clothes,  dropped  the 
"Ty."  from  its  signature,  and  entered  into 
man's  estate;  unfurled  to  the  breezes  of 
heaven  a  standard  emblazoned  with  Nil  sine 
numine — (we  are  nothing  without  God) — as 
its  motto,  one  of  the  grandest  truths  ever 
heralded  on  banner  or  uttered  by  man. 


218  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND   ENDS. 

Pygmalion  chiseled  from  ivory  the  figure 
of  a  woman,  fell  in  love  with  it,  hung  ear- 
rings in  its  ears,  strings  of  pearls  around  its 
neck,  and  prayed  the  gods  for  a  wife  like  his 
ivory  virgin.  Venus  heard  his  petition,  and 
the  image  became  a  beautiful,  living  reality. 

The  frontiersman  pushed  out  to  the  east- 
ern slope  of  the  Rocky  Mountain  chain, 
where  Mr.  Irving  had  said  nothing  could 
ever  be  grown,  terming  it  the  American  Des- 
ert; but  these  pygmalions  chiseled  away, 
tilled  the  soil,  planted  grain,  run  irrigating 
ditches,  and  fell  in  love  with  the  country. 
The  sand  dune,  formerly  under  the  dominion 
of  soap-weed,  cacti,  buffalo-grass,  antelope, 
jack-rabbits  and  gophers,  has  been  trans- 
formed, so  that  it  will  and  does  produce  any- 
thing, from  the  most  delicate  flower  to  the 
hardiest  cereal  or  sturdiest  tree.  The  most 
delicious  cantelopes  and  watermelons  in  the 
world,  found  embedded  in  crushed  ice  on  the 
tables  of  epicureans  in  our  eastern  munici- 
palities, are  grown  not  many  leagues  of 
where  old  Leather  Stocking  breathed  his 


WONDERLAND.  219 

last,  and  in  the  same  country  crossed  by 
Francis  Parkinan,  with  Indians  as  guides. 

Colorado,  with  its  rarefied  and  dry  atmos- 
phere surcharged  with  ozone,  and  almost 
continuous  sunshine,  puts  forth  a  mortal  en- 
emy to  that  dread  disease,  consumption, 
staying  its  horrible  ravages,  as  soon  as  the 
patient  places  himself  within  its  jurisdic- 
tion. It  is  superior  in  its  subtile  treatment 
in  healing  the  wasted  and  shattered  lung  to 
all  anti-toxins  and  lymphs  prepared  by  Dr. 
Koch  and  his  imitators. 

In  the  Corcoran  gallery  in  Washington,  D. 
C.,  you  wll  find  a  small  bust  catalogued 
"The  Veiled  Nun."  To  pass  it  by  with  cur- 
sory attention  you  see  nothing  more  than  an 
ordinary  bust ;  give  it  close  scrutiny,  and  the 
features  seem  to  be  behind  a  veil ;  the  meshes 
are  so  perfectly  worked  out  by  the  skill  of 
the  sculptor  that  you  feel  confident  you  can 
insert  your  hand  between  the  veil  and  face ; 
yet,  the  whole  is  one  solid  block  of  marble; 
the  remarkable  value  is  appreciated  only  af- 
ter this  careful  survey.  So  with  Colorado — 
the  tourists  by  the  thousands  pass  over  this 


220  HOMESPUN   ODDS  AND  ENDS. 

wonderland  without  knowing  any  more 
about  it  arid  its  value  than  you  would  have 
known  concerning  the  veiled  nun  by  giving 
it  casual  notice.  If  they  would  evince  a  de- 
sire to  examine  into  the  resources  of  this 
commonwealth,  they  would  find,  as  in  the 
bust,  a  surprising  picture.  You  may  fence 
the  "Centennial  State,"  and  enclose  a  civili- 
zation, numerically,  as  perfected  in  educa- 
tion and  refinement  as  any  to  be  found,  with 
cities  built  of  iron,  steel,  stone  and  brick  in- 
ferior to  none;  elegant  homes  fitted  with 
every  up-to-date  appliance,  all  being  sur- 
rounded with  superb  scenery  of  vast  plains, 
velvety  parks,  cloud-reaching  mountains, 
endless  chasms,  gorges  and  canons  as  pic- 
turesque as  you  could  wish ;  in  fact,  in  mag- 
.nitude  and  variety  stands  alone  and  unsur- 
passed by  any  spot  on  earth.  Here  you  will 
find  magnificent  valleys  teeming  with  the  fat 
of  the  land;  on  every  hand  streams  filled 
with  speckled  trout  and  other  game  fish. 
Every  time  you  renew  your  research  you  will 
be  impressed  with  new  beauties  and  the  new 
face  of  the  landscape,  causing  you  as  much 


WONDERLAND.  221 

anxiety  to  secure  it  all  as  it  did  the  crazy 
caliph,  Vathek,  to  decipher  the  ever-chang- 
ing inscription  on  the  sword. 

The  foothills  are  lavish  in  small  game,  and 
farther  back,  mountain  sheep,  wolves,  wild- 
cats, pumas,  elks,  bears  and  panthers 
abound.  This  is  the  hunter's  paradise, 
sought  by  President  Koosevelt  for  his  hunt 
royal.  At  night  you  stretch  your  tired  limbs 
before  the  carnpfire,  and  while  the  fire-brand 
tips  the  fir  and  spruce  with  golden  hue,  be 
entertained  by  the  "music  of  the  pines,"  un- 
der the  direction  of  that  prince  of  musicians, 
Aeolus,  soothing  you  into  the  land  of 
dreams,  where  I  now  leave  you,  Adios. 


0001,4399 


